This is long, so grab a cup of coffee, tea, or whatever keeps you happy and reading.
I live in a senior housing community for people aged 55 and older. We all have identical 1-bedroom cottages that’s set up in groups of four or quads so that all of our front doors face inward toward each other. So, if I open my front door, I have a very clear view of the front doors of my 3 neighbors and because I am in the back of this quad, I also have a view of the parking area. I think the purpose of grouping the houses this way was to create a friendly and safe atmosphere; however, it’s just creepy in a “you have no privacy” kind of way.
I am F57, disabled, and have a 16-year-old pickup truck that gets me where I need to go most of the time. If you’ve ever owned a pickup truck, you’ll understand my frustration. If you haven’t owned one, talk to anyone who has and they will tell you that according to friends, family, acquaintances, neighbors, and even complete strangers, you have it so that you can help them move, haul furniture or a tree they cut down, and anything else they can’t fit in the trunk of their car. AND because it is a pickup truck, it can be mistreated, abused, dented, scratched, beaten up, and treated like a piece of heavy construction equipment and you shouldn’t care because well. . . it’s a truck.
I have a neighbor (F - about 65 years old) that has kind of made a pest of herself since the day I moved in. I’ve done my best to be neighborly, nice, and accommodating, but each time I interact with her, I’m left feeling used. The neighbor, let's call her Karen, has come over pretending to want to visit with me, which she does for about 2 minutes, and then asks me for something. In the 3 years that I’ve been here, she’s asked me to set up 2 TVs (at different times), take a new alarm clock out of its packaging and then teach her how to operate it. I’ve been asked to fill out her food stamp paperwork, fill out information for her lease renewal, read a piece of mail to her and explain it because she didn’t understand it, to take her places and to “loan” her money for the bus. That’s just a few.
Now that you get the idea of what I’ve dealt with before, it’s time for the story.
One Monday morning, Karen comes beating on my door (she does what I call a “cop knock” – loud, hard, and repeated) around 8 a.m., waking me up. (I am a night owl, by the way.) I go to the door and she is standing there holding her natural gas bill telling me how she needed a ride to the gas company's office to talk to them about paying the bill and hands me the bill. I look at it, hoping to find a phone number for her to call, but there isn't one, but I do see that her bill is for about $17. So, I take her across town with her providing the directions since I had never been to this building (the gas company did not have an office in town, so I guess this was maybe a payment center). I drop her at the front, park, and wait for her. Karen comes out saying that they can't help her there and asks me if she should just call them to make arrangements to make payments since she didn't have the money. I tell her that's what I would do and bring her back home. We basically made this trip for nothing.
Two days later, there is another loud, repeated banging on my door waking me up just before 9 a.m. Karen is back and seems to be a little frantic. She needs a ride again. This time she's very vague about why she wants to go, but left me with the impression that something was going to get turned off, repossessed, or turned over to collections if she didn't go. She's also vague as to where she wants to go. She keeps tell me that it's down by the casino, across the street from the gas station. I told her I'd take her but she would have to point me in the right direction since I've never been to the casino. She gives me turn by turn directions until she has me turn left onto the entrance road for the casino. I'm looking around for any other businesses or even the gas station and I'm not seeing anything other than the casino in front of us and open land on either side. So, I ask her where am I supposed to be dropping her. Karen points to an upcoming sign and says, "See the sign that says 'Valet'? Just follow that sign." Yep, you guessed it, Karen had me drop her at the front entrance to the casino. She'd lied to me by omission. She didn't ask me to take her to the casino (which I would probably have done since it's none of my business how she spends her money), she asked me to take her to a business near the casino. Yeah, well, I wasn't happy. On Monday she couldn't afford to pay her $17 gas bill and on Wednesday she's going to the casino by tricking me into taking her.
A week goes by and I am in the office paying my rent when Karen comes in.
Karen: Why didn’t you tell me you were coming here today. Girl, I just walked all the way here.
Me: Didn’t know you needed a ride. I can give you a ride back to the house if you would like.
I wait while Karen pays her rent and we walk out together. Now, I’m expecting to get in my truck and drive the 4 blocks back to my house. Karen had another idea.
Karen: Take me to Everything’s Cheap store.
Me: Where?
Karen: To Everything’s Cheap. Just turn here at the stop sign and I’ll show you. It’s not far.
Me: Karen, I’m going to take you there, but I’m not shopping and I’m not going to sit in the parking lot and wait for you. You’ll have to get another ride home or walk.
Karen: It’s fine. I won’t be long.
I drop her at the front door and I go home. A couple of hours later, she bangs on my door.
Karen: Where did my ride go?
Me: Home. I told you that I wasn’t going to wait for you.
Karen: I had all my stuff that I had to carry home. Now my back hurts.
Me: I’m sorry, but I warned you.
Karen walks away muttering things that I didn’t understand and slammed her door.
Skip ahead several months and I run into Karen again as I am paying my rent. She wants me to give her a ride to the Social Security office. I tell her that I can't as my truck is not running right and I can't get too far from home in it until I get it check out and fixed. My truck started having issues and it's been difficult trying to get it fixed with lock-down, a back issue that left me bedridden for several weeks, and 2 major hurricanes this year (there’s nothing major wrong with the truck - just needs a new starter and gaskets to fix an oil leak that's caused the starter to go bad).
Karen: But it's just a few blocks away and it's hot out here.
Me: I can't trust my truck not to leave me stranded with no way to get it home.
Karen: It will be fine.
Me: Maybe, but I'm not willing to risk it.
Karen slaps the side of my truck and continues on her walk and I go home in my truck.
Another 3 days go by and more banging on my door and again I am awakened (it's 7:15 a.m.). This time I'm angry and I snatched the door open.
Me: What?
Karen (standing there with her purse and house keys in her hand as if she knows I'll say yes): I need to go to the mattress store. I need to pick up my new queen size mattress.
Me: No. My truck still isn't running right.
Karen: But I need your truck to haul the mattress home.
Me: No.
Karen: It's not a heavy mattress.
Me: Oh, so who’s going to help you get it in and out of my truck and carry it into your house?
Karen: The two of us can do it.
Me: Karen, I have degenerative disk disease. The disks in my spine are disintegrating. I can't lift nor carry a mattress even with someone helping.
Karen: But I already bought it. How am I going to get it home?
Me: Call friends or family to help you.
Karen: They don't have a truck and you do!
Me: Yes, I have a truck, but there is no sign anywhere on it that says Free Moving Company.
I close the door on her and go back to bed. An hour later, more knocking. This time, it's an older man.
Man 1: Excuse me, but is that your truck? (He points at my truck in the parking lot.)
Me: Yes.
Man 1: I have an upright piano I need to move and was wondering if I could use your truck.
Me: No. (I glance over at the neighbor's house and I see her peeking through a crack in her door - I have a sneaking suspicion she has put this guy up to this to see if I would help him.)
Man 1: You can drive the truck. I just need to have the piano hauled to my storage unit.
Me: How are you going to get an upright piano into the bed of my truck?
Man 1: I'll just roll it up a ramp and into the back.
Me: Do you know how much an upright piano weighs? One person can't push it up a ramp. If you use a ramp on my tailgate, you will break the tailgate and probably lose the piano in the process. My truck is large, but the rear end is not made for hauling a piano and will cause the front end to lift off the ground preventing my front wheel drive truck from gaining traction and straining my 16-year-old engine.
Man 1: Well, could you call 4 or 5 of your male friends to help lift it into the back of the truck?
Me: No!
I close the door on this man, too. He didn’t come right out and say it, but I felt like he wanted to borrow my truck so he could go pick up the mattress for Karen. Yeah, I’m a little suspicious.
The following morning . . . *sigh* . . . I ignore the knocking that occurs every half hour or so over a 3-hour period until she finally gives up. Later that afternoon, I open my door to get the mail out of my box when a second man approaches me out of nowhere. It’s like he was hiding around the corner waiting for me to come out of my house.
Man 2 (points at my truck - it irritates me every time someone does this): Is that your truck?
Me (feeling very annoyed and snarky): What gave it away? Is it because it's parked in a space clearly labeled with my house number? Or is it because someone told you who the truck belonged to? (I point at Karen's house.)
Man 2: Does it run?
Me: Listen, I don't know what you're wanting me pick up, deliver, move, haul, transport, or tow, but I am not a moving company, taxi, uber, delivery service, or a tow truck. I won't be doing any of those things and before you ask, I won't be allowing you or anyone else to drive my truck either. Now, do you have any other questions?
Man 2: Uh, do you want to sell it?
Me: What?! Why would I want to sell it?
Man 2: Well, since it needs fixing, I thought maybe you would want to sell it to someone who could afford to fix it.
Me: How do you know it needs fixing?
Man 2 (turns bright red and can't take his eyes off ground): I just thought if you sold it, you could buy something else and I could fix the truck.
Me: Tell Karen that I'm not selling you my truck so that you can fix it to give to her.
Man 2: I wasn't going to give it to her.
Me (pointing at his huge truck parked in Karen's designated space): You want me to believe that you would rather have my 16-year-old truck that needs repair than your brand-new truck? How stupid do you think I am?
As the older man silently stares at the ground, Karen flings her door open and marches up to me.
Karen: Just sell him your truck so he can fix it. You clearly aren't going to do it any time soon. At least I will put it to good use. I need it and I need it more than you apparently do. Now, he’s willing to get it fixed for me, so just sell him the damn truck already!
Me: My truck is not for sale! When or if I get my truck fixed is absolutely none of your business.
Karen: I’m going to call the office and tell them that you have a broken-down truck sitting in the parking lot that needs to be hauled to the junk yard. They’ll make you get rid of it or fix it.
Man 2: Karen, they can’t do anything to her . . .
Karen cuts him off. She’s so angry, she’s crying, shaking, and spitting as she screams
Karen: SHUT UP! STAY OUT OF THIS. I WANT THAT TRUCK AND I’M GOING TO GET IT! I’LL CALL THE POLICE. THEY WILL MAKE HER GET RID OF IT.
Man 2: Karen, the police aren’t . . .
She cuts him off again.
Karen: YES, THEY WILL. THEY'LL LISTEN TO ME.
She storms off to call the police. In the meantime, I brought a chair outside along with a can of soda and a bowl of microwave popcorn. I figured this was going to be a good show. Karen and Man 2 have gone inside her house to wait. The neighbor to my left has come out to see what’s going on. Let’s call her Mary. Mary can’t stand Karen, so she drags a chair out and sits next to me and we share my popcorn.
Enter Cop 1 and Cop 2
The cops arrive in about 5-6 minutes and walk up to Karen’s door and knock while glancing around at Mary and me and grinning. She answers and tells them that I have created an eyesore in the neighborhood by having an old beat up, broken-down truck sitting in the parking lot and she wants it removed immediately.
Cop 1 (pointing at my truck - yep, he does it, too and I can't help but roll my eyes): That truck?
Karen: Yes.
Cop 1: That truck is clean, shiny, no dents, no scratches, new tires . . . are you sure that’s the eyesore?
Karen: Yes. It’s 10 years old and broken and she doesn’t want to fix it. It’s just sitting there doing nothing for months.
Me: It’s 16 years old.
Cop 2 (spins around, surprised): Seriously? That truck is that old? Wow! It’s in great shape. You’ve taken good care of her.
Me: Thank you.
Karen: I want that truck gone!
Cop 2 walks over to me to discuss my truck’s mechanical history. So, I explain to him that in the 16 years that I have owned her, I have changed her oil every 3-4 months, given her a bath once a month, got her a new set of tires 6 years ago, and when I first began having problems with her starting, I bought a new battery (the old one was the original battery from when I bought the truck off the showroom floor), and when the battery wasn’t the problem, I had a mechanic come and look at it. He determined that it was the starter and the gasket was leaking. All I was waiting on was my friend to come and help me start her (someone needs to get under the truck and tap the starter while someone else turns over the ignition) so that I can get it to the mechanic’s house for him to work on it.
Karen: She’s lying. That truck hasn’t moved in 3 months.
Me (offering popcorn to Cop 2 who took a handful): Wrong. It hasn’t moved in 4 days. It’s had problems for 3 or 4 months.
Cop 1: Ms. Karen, there really isn’t anything the police department can do for you. Her truck definitely isn’t an eyesore nor is it sitting there in pieces creating a safety hazard.
Karen: She’s driving down property values.
Cop 1 (starts chuckling): Ms. Karen, you are renting a house in government subsidized senior housing.
Cop 2: Why don’t you tell us the real reason why you want her truck removed.
Mary (who has been silent until now - stands up and turns on her best diva soul-sister voice and attitude and gives the cops the greatest Deep-South Beautiful Black Woman sermon I’ve ever heard – I’ll try to write as best I can): Ohh, Lawd Jesus, help us all! Dis here woman of the night, want everything she can’t have, Lawd! I think it’s cuz she pulls her hair back so tight, Lawd, she can only see what’s in the back o’ her mind! Uh huh! She wants her Old Saggy Boy Toy of the Day here to buy my friend’s pick’em up truck, so she can go and pick’em up, Lawd, mm-hmm, if ya gittin' what I’m sayin’. He buy it and trade it to her for a little roll on her nasty sheets! Lawd Jesus, help us! And she think she all hot and sexy so you believe her and take away my friend’s truck. She a fool, uh huh. She think she can fool you, too, uh huh! How da hell do ya think she got those 2 big ass TVs in there? Mmm-hmm!
Cop 1 is bent over laughing hysterically while Cop 2 is standing with his mouth open and his eyes wide.
Cop 2 (turns to Man 2): Is any of that true?
Man 2 (embarrassed, humiliated, and just looking tired): She wanted the truck and 50 bucks.
Karen and Man 2 are arrested. Not sure what the exact charges were but I heard words being thrown around like pandering, solicitation, scamming, and false complaint among others. A couple of days later, Mary told me that Karen returned home. I guess she found a way to get bailed out. I haven’t seen her and I am hoping that I don’t. As for my “pick’em up truck”, I’m still waiting to get her to the mechanic. My friend will be here on his next day off (he doesn't get them often) to help me. It’s a good thing I’m a patient person with a super diva as a friend and neighbor. It's also good to know that my truck is at least worth one 20-minute roll on the sheets and 50 bucks.
EDIT: Thanks for the awards everyone! And just a little side note for those of you rolling your eyes at the fact that I offered a cop popcorn and he took it - I live in the Deep South in a small-ish college town. The cops here are helpful, friendly (until provoked), and generally good guys. When construction workers stole from me after Hurricane Laura, two cops came to investigate and afterwards I offered them both a bottle of water and they accepted.
submitted by So, this is gonna be a little long. When I was around 5 or 6 years old, I had a dream where I was sleeping in the attic of my old house. I woke up in that dream and felt chills, also had the urge to go and look out the attic window that was placed in the center of the wall. So I went and opened the window, pushed it up, and leaned forward with my head sticking out. Immediately surrounding my house was a barren cornfield, and beyond that a ring of trees. Probably about 200 meters to the left of my house was a neighbor's house, all black, just like the rest of my surroundings. The sky was blood red, but I can't remember if the stars were that icky Crayola yellow color or pitch black as well.
Looking to the left at my neighbor's house I saw what looked like a girl perched on the very end of their roof, hunched over so that her hands were between her feet as she rested there. I watched as she craned her neck and howled, but it didn't sound like any ordinary howl—it sounded like an Aztec death whistle (weird thing is, one thing that remains crystal clear in my memory is that, before that dream, I had never heard of an Aztec death whistle or the sounds it could make). Then, she whipped her head in my direction, her figure also pitch black, and I reeled back and slammed the window shut. I had grabbed a few knives from one of the dressers in my room and inched myself toward my bedroom door while still facing the window, which was directly across the room from the door. I managed to reach the knob, twist it, and speed into the hallway when my blind, deaf, and mute sister (I don't have a sister) was coming up the stairs to check up on me (the only thing in this dream that's the same as in real life is the outside structure of the house and the one portion of the attic room where the window is; everything else is different). Out of terror, I threw the knives at her without realizing right then that it was my sister instead of the girl...gory details aside, I killed her and heard her scream (which is odd since she was mute).
Another dream I had in particular a few years later had the same ghost girl. I "woke up" in the dream in a standing position, facing a beach with a lake so large you couldn't see land on the horizon. The sky was cloudy and gray, and directly ahead of me on this beach stood a house shaped like a square with a regular roof on top. The white paint on the outside was chipping especially toward the bottom of the house, which looked like a couple hightides managed to reach, flood, and ultimately rot. The same ghost girl from the first dream was standing to the left of the house and pointing at its front door, but instead of being pitch black I could see her wearing a nightgown while her hair was still black and covering her face (before anyone says I probably watched that one ring movie and saw her in my dream, no. This girl in my dreams is taller than my dad while hunched over). When I reached the front door and looked left, she was gone. I went inside the house and noticed the once beautiful dark green wallpaper that was now peeling off the walls due to flooding, and multiple chunks of wood from the floor had been scattered about.
The two separate staircases at one end of the room that both went up to the same indoor balcony were also rotting and nearly falling apart, but one was in better condition than the other, so I used that one to reach the balcony. This was where all the doors were lined up along the walls, but one all the way to the left caught my interest. When I opened this door I saw a stairwell made out of dark wood, and I climbed it till I reached a small space with just enough room to stand in front of another door. Upon opening this door I saw only the right wall of the room which was lined with a couple dressers and a plethora of stuffed animals on top; directly ahead of me was a window that showed the gray sky and seemingly endless lake.
As I stepped into the room and started looking to the left, I saw a queen-sized canopy bed with pink blankets, but...on the wall just to the left of that bed were streaks of blood that first started as one or two crimson handprints. I don't remember there being blood on the floor, but the streaks on the wall led me to the closet with its which was tucked just to the right of the bedroom door. An awful odor wafted from the slide doors of the closet while a pool of blood seeped from below. Trying my best to prepare for whatever was inside, I slid the doors open and was greeted with multiple severed body parts. Just like in the first dream, I inched backward in fear and made my way toward the door, but this time I saw a smaller version of the girl in the bedroom door. I could also see her face, but her eyes and mouth were stitched shut while she tried to tell me something. To this day I feel bad for the way I bolted for the window and burst through it, plummeting toward the water. Upon falling through the waves of the lake, the ground below seemed to utterly vanish while I was surrounded by bodies.
Then I had a few more dreams. One was about a vampire-ridden private academy where the same ghost girl hunted me down to the literal grave with an axe. Another dream was about my old house's basement serving as a mental facility where both the ghost girl and I were strapped down to some cots and she broke free and tore into my chest. Yet another dream was about a house where the rooms inside would switch around like a Rubik's cube, and I saw her in a yellow kitchen. Then one more dream (among many more) didn't show her, but my family and I were looking at houses for sale and a room that once belonged to a girl (the people selling the house said their daughter died and they didn't want to remove her belongings from the room so they just covered a lot of it with sheets) gave me the same exact feeling I would get from the ghost girl.
Now here's where things take an extremely eerie twist. It had been a while since I had these dreams about the girl, and life was pretty decent. One night, just as I was about to fall asleep, I was jolted wide awake with the feeling of sheer terror. I could literally feel a presence gathering in the space between the foot of my bed and my mirror that gave off unmistakable murderous vibes. It was one of those things where, as I laid there, there was zero doubt that not only was this the girl I had seen in my dreams but, in the waking world, the feeling was amplified and I could tell that this girl wasn't desperate to kill, but also not obligated to kill. It was almost like she was created to do so, but she did find pleasure(?) in it. You might think this is sleep paralysis, and I don't blame you, but here's the thing—I managed to move my hand to my forehead while hiding under my blanket and willed myself to sleep.
The next night a large shadow jumped out at me at the end of my hallway, but when I looked there was nothing. Then I literally saw her standing in the corner of a room, smiling at me, and I proceeded to walk away as if my feet had a mind of their own. I tried to do some research on whoever this person was, but the longer I looked for answers, the slower my internet connection became—every other wi-fi-reliant device in the home operated just fine besides my own. That night I took the picture, tore it in half, and burned one half and left the other to burn the next day, hoping that I had burned the half that had her face. Next morning I woke up nauseous and realized later that I still needed to burn the one portion of the picture I had left. Unfortunately for my eyes, I bent over and looked under the bed to see the very half of the picture I was desperately hoping I had burned.
Only once or twice after that day did I have a dream of a creature similar to her, and I keep getting the subtle feeling she'll be back again, and I need answers. What even is this creature? She easily stands at 6'2 or more hunched over. Her hands and feet, when I saw her irl, were coated in ashes while her nightgown (which only reached between her thighs or calves since it was so small on her) had gray splotches on it. I saw her face, too, and her nose looked like it had been cut off. Her eyelids looked as though they were burned off, and her lips were nowhere to be seen. She had razor sharp teeth that, when she smiled, revealed a pitch black space behind them.
One dream I had revealed a whole bunch of the same girl in the basement of a mansion. I also shared this dream with a friend (we were literally in the same dream the same night, but I can cover details on that later on I think). So I'm kind of scared...I may have "taken care" of one girl, but if that dream reveals multiple, couldn't there be more? I don't even know what I could have done at 5-6 years old to trigger a giant ghost girl with the howl of an Aztec death whistle. Answers are greatly welcomed.
P.S: I've also had a couple experiences besides this.
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Panther,hand,bald,freckles,clover,armpit,Japan,thin,traffic,spaghetti,Phineas and Ferb,broken heart,fingertip,funny,poisonous,Wonder Woman,Squidward,Mark Zuckerberg,twig,red,China,dream,Dora,daisy,France,Discord,toenail,positive,forehead,earthquake,iron,Zeus,Mercedes,Big Ben,supermarket,Bugs Bunny,Yin and Yang,drink,rock,drum,piano,white,bench,fall,royal,seashell,Audi,stomach,aquarium,Bitcoin,volleyball,marshmallow,Cat Woman,underground,Green Lantern,bottle flip,toothbrush,globe,sand,zoo,west,puddle,lobster,North Korea,Luigi,bamboo,Great Wall,Kim Jong-un,bad,credit card,swimming pool,Wolverine,head,hair,Yoda,Elsa,turkey,heel,maracas,clean,droplet,cinema,poor,stamp,Africa,whistle,Teletubby,wind,Aladdin,tissue box,fire truck,Usain Bolt,water gun,farm,iPad,well,warm,booger,WhatsApp,Skype,landscape,pine cone,Mexico,slow,organ,fish bowl,teddy bear,John Cena,Frankenstein,tennis racket,gummy bear,Mount Rushmore,swing,Mario,lake,point,vein,cave,smell,chin,desert,scary,Dracula,airport,kiwi,seaweed,incognito,Pluto,statue,hairy,strawberry,low,invisible,blindfold,tuna,controller,Paypal,King Kong,neck,lung,weather,Xbox,tiny,icicle,flashlight,scissors,emoji,strong,saliva,firefighter,salmon,basketball,spring,Tarzan,red carpet,drain,coral reef,nose ring,caterpillar,Wall-e,seat belt,polar bear,Scooby Doo,wave,sea,grass,pancake,park,lipstick,pickaxe,east,grenade,village,Flash,throat,dizzy,Asia,petal,Gru,country,spaceship,restaurant,copy,skin,glue stick,Garfield,equator,blizzard,golden apple,Robin Hood,fast food,barbed wire,Bill Gates,Tower of Pisa,neighborhood,lightsaber,video game,high heels,dirty,flamethrower,pencil sharpener,hill,old,flute,cheek,violin,fireball,spine,bathtub,cell phone,breath,open,Australia,toothpaste,Tails,skyscraper,cowbell,rib,ceiling fan,Eminem,Jimmy Neutron,photo frame,barn,sandstorm,Jackie Chan,Abraham Lincoln,T-rex,pot of gold,KFC,shell,poison,acne,avocado,study,bandana,England,Medusa,scar,Skittles,Pokemon,branch,Dumbo,factory,Hollywood,deep,knuckle,popular,piggy bank,Las Vegas,microphone,Tower Bridge,butterfly,slide,hut,shovel,hamburger,shop,fort,Ikea,planet,border,panda,highway,swamp,tropical,lightbulb,Kermit,headphones,jungle,Reddit,young,trumpet,cheeseburger,gas mask,apartment,manhole,nutcracker,Antarctica,mansion,bunk bed,sunglasses,spray paint,Jack-o-lantern,saltwater,tank,cliff,campfire,palm,pumpkin,elephant,banjo,nature,alley,fireproof,earbuds,crossbow,Elon Musk,quicksand,Playstation,Hawaii,good,corn dog,Gandalf,dock,magic wand,field,Solar System,photograph,ukulele,James Bond,The Beatles,Katy Perry,pirate ship,Poseidon,Netherlands,photographer,Lego,hourglass,glass,path,hotel,ramp,dandelion,Brazil,coral,cigarette,messy,Dexter,valley,parachute,wine glass,matchbox,Morgan Freeman,black hole,midnight,astronaut,paper bag,sand castle,forest fire,hot sauce,social media,William Shakespeare,trash can,fire alarm,lawn mower,nail polish,Band-Aid,Star Wars,clothes hanger,toe,mud,coconut,jaw,bomb,south,firework,sailboat,loading,iPhone,toothpick,BMW,ketchup,fossil,explosion,Finn,Einstein,infinite,dictionary,Photoshop,trombone,clarinet,rubber,saxophone,helicopter,temperature,bus driver,cello,London,newspaper,blackberry,shopping cart,Florida,Daffy Duck,mayonnaise,gummy worm,flying pig,underweight,Crash Bandicoot,bungee jumping,kindergarten,umbrella,hammer,night,laser,glove,square,Morty,firehouse,dynamite,chainsaw,melon,waist,Chewbacca,kidney,stoned,Rick,ticket,skateboard,microwave,television,soil,exam,cocktail,India,Colosseum,missile,hilarious,Popeye,nuke,silo,chemical,museum,Vault boy,adorable,fast forward,firecracker,grandmother,Porky Pig,roadblock,continent,wrinkle,shaving cream,Northern Lights,tug,London Eye,Israel,shipwreck,xylophone,motorcycle,diamond,root,coffee,princess,Oreo,goldfish,wizard,chocolate,garbage,ladybug,shotgun,kazoo,Minecraft,video,message,lily,fisherman,cucumber,password,western,ambulance,doorknob,glowstick,makeup,barbecue,jazz,hedgehog,bark,tombstone,coast,pitchfork,Christmas,opera,office,insect,hunger,download,hairbrush,blueberry,cookie jar,canyon,Happy Meal,high five,fern,quarter,peninsula,imagination,microscope,table tennis,whisper,fly swatter,pencil case,harmonica,Family Guy,New Zealand,apple pie,warehouse,cookie,USB,jellyfish,bubble,battery,fireman,pizza,angry,taco,harp,alcohol,pound,bedtime,megaphone,husband,oval,rail,stab,dwarf,milkshake,witch,bakery,president,weak,second,sushi,mall,complete,hip hop,slippery,horizon,prawn,plumber,blowfish,Madagascar,Europe,bazooka,pogo stick,Terminator,Hercules,notification,snowball fight,high score,Kung Fu,Lady Gaga,geography,sledgehammer,bear trap,sky,cheese,vine,clown,catfish,snowman,bowl,waffle,vegetable,hook,shadow,dinosaur,lane,dance,scarf,cabin,Tweety,bookshelf,swordfish,skyline,base,straw,biscuit,Greece,bleach,pepper,reflection,universe,skateboarder,triplets,gold chain,electric car,policeman,electricity,mother,Bambi,croissant,Ireland,sandbox,stadium,depressed,Johnny Bravo,silverware,raspberry,dandruff,Scotland,comic book,cylinder,Milky Way,taxi driver,magic trick,sunrise,popcorn,eat,cola,cake,pond,mushroom,rocket,surfboard,baby,cape,glasses,sunburn,chef,gate,charger,crack,mohawk,triangle,carpet,dessert,taser,afro,cobra,ringtone,cockroach,levitate,mailman,rockstar,lyrics,grumpy,stand,Norway,binoculars,nightclub,puppet,novel,injection,thief,pray,chandelier,exercise,lava lamp,lap,massage,thermometer,golf cart,postcard,bell pepper,bed bug,paintball,Notch,yogurt,graffiti,burglar,butler,seafood,Sydney Opera House,Susan Wojcicki,parents,bed sheet,Leonardo da Vinci,intersection,palace,shrub,lumberjack,relationship,observatory,junk food,eye,log,dice,bicycle,pineapple,camera,circle,lemonade,soda,comb,cube,Doritos,love,table,honey,lighter,broccoli,fireplace,drive,Titanic,backpack,emerald,giraffe,world,internet,kitten,volume,Spain,daughter,armor,noob,rectangle,driver,raccoon,bacon,lady,bull,camping,poppy,snowball,farmer,lasso,breakfast,oxygen,milkman,caveman,laboratory,bandage,neighbor,Cupid,Sudoku,wedding,seagull,spatula,atom,dew,fortress,vegetarian,ivy,snowboard,conversation,treasure,chopsticks,garlic,vacuum,swimsuit,divorce,advertisement,vuvuzela,Mr Bean,Fred Flintstone,pet food,upgrade,voodoo,punishment,Charlie Chaplin,Rome,graduation,beatbox,communism,yeti,ear,dots,octagon,kite,lion,winner,muffin,cupcake,unicorn,smoke,lime,monster,Mars,moss,summer,lollipop,coffin,paint,lottery,wife,pirate,sandwich,lantern,seahorse,Cuba,archer,sweat,deodorant,plank,Steam,birthday,submarine,zombie,casino,gas,stove,helmet,mosquito,ponytail,corpse,subway,spy,jump rope,baguette,grin,centipede,gorilla,website,text,workplace,bookmark,anglerfish,wireless,Zorro,sports,abstract,detective,Amsterdam,elevator,chimney,reindeer,Singapore,perfume,soldier,bodyguard,magnifier,freezer,radiation,assassin,yawn,backbone,disaster,giant,pillow fight,grasshopper,Vin Diesel,geyser,burrito,celebrity,Lasagna,Pumba,karaoke,hypnotize,platypus,Leonardo DiCaprio,bird bath,battleship,back pain,rapper,werewolf,Black Friday,cathedral,Sherlock Holmes,ABBA,hard hat,sword,mirror,toilet,eggplant,jelly,hero,starfish,bread,snail,person,plunger,computer,nosebleed,goat,joker,sponge,mop,owl,beef,portal,genie,crocodile,murderer,magic,pine,winter,robber,pepperoni,shoebox,fog,screen,son,folder,mask,Goofy,Mercury,zipline,wall,dragonfly,zipper,meatball,slingshot,Pringles,circus,mammoth,nugget,mousetrap,recycling,revolver,champion,zigzag,meat,drought,vodka,notepad,porcupine,tuba,hacker,broomstick,kitchen,cheesecake,satellite,JayZ,squirrel,leprechaun,jello,gangster,raincoat,eyeshadow,shopping,gardener,scythe,portrait,jackhammer,allergy,honeycomb,headache,Miniclip,Mona Lisa,cheetah,virtual reality,virus,Argentina,blanket,military,headband,superpower,language,handshake,reptile,thirst,fake teeth,duct tape,macaroni,color-blind,comfortable,Robbie Rotten,coast guard,cab driver,pistachio,Angelina Jolie,autograph,sea lion,Morse code,clickbait,star,girl,lemon,alarm,shoe,soap,button,kiss,grave,telephone,fridge,katana,switch,eraser,signature,pasta,flamingo,crayon,puzzle,hard,juice,socks,crystal,telescope,galaxy,squid,tattoo,bowling,lamb,silver,lid,taxi,basket,step,stapler,pigeon,zoom,teacher,holiday,score,Tetris,frame,garden,stage,unicycle,cream,sombrero,error,battle,starfruit,hamster,chalk,spiral,bounce,hairspray,lizard,victory,balance,hexagon,Ferrari,MTV,network,weapon,fist fight,vault,mattress,viola,birch,stereo,Jenga,plug,chihuahua,plow,pavement,wart,ribbon,otter,magazine,Bomberman,vaccine,elder,Romania,champagne,semicircle,Suez Canal,Mr Meeseeks,villain,inside,spade,gravedigger,Bruce Lee,gentle,stingray,can opener,funeral,jet ski,wheelbarrow,thug,undo,fabulous,space suit,cappuccino,Minotaur,skydiving,cheerleader,Stone Age,Chinatown,razorblade,crawl space,cauldron,trick shot,Steve Jobs,audience,time machine,sewing machine,face paint,truck driver,x-ray,fly,salt,spider,boy,dollar,turtle,book,chain,dolphin,sing,milk,wing,pencil,snake,scream,toast,vomit,salad,radio,potion,dominoes,balloon,monkey,trophy,feather,leash,loser,bite,notebook,happy,Mummy,sneeze,koala,tired,sick,pipe,jalapeno,diaper,deer,priest,youtuber,boomerang,pro,ruby,hop,hopscotch,barcode,vote,wrench,tissue,doll,clownfish,halo,Monday,tentacle,grid,Uranus,oil,scarecrow,tarantula,germ,glow,haircut,Vatican,tape,judge,cell,diagonal,science,mustard,fur,janitor,ballerina,pike,nun,chime,tuxedo,Cerberus,panpipes,surface,coal,knot,willow,pajamas,fizz,student,eclipse,asteroid,Portugal,pigsty,brand,crowbar,chimpanzee,Chuck Norris,raft,carnival,treadmill,professor,tricycle,apocalypse,vitamin,orchestra,groom,cringe,knight,litter box,macho,brownie,hummingbird,Hula Hoop,motorbike,type,catapult,take off,wake up,concert,floppy disk,BMX,bulldozer,manicure,brainwash,William Wallace,guinea pig,motherboard,wheel,brick,egg,lava,queen,gold,God,ladder,coin,laptop,toaster,butter,bag,doctor,sit,tennis,half,Bible,noodle,golf,eagle,cash,vampire,sweater,father,remote,safe,jeans,darts,graph,nothing,dagger,stone,wig,cupboard,minute,match,slime,garage,tomb,soup,bathroom,llama,shampoo,swan,frown,toolbox,jacket,adult,crate,quill,spin,waiter,mint,kangaroo,captain,loot,maid,shoelace,luggage,cage,bagpipes,loaf,aircraft,shelf,safari,afterlife,napkin,steam,coach,slope,marigold,Mozart,bumper,Asterix,vanilla,papaya,ostrich,failure,scoop,tangerine,firefly,centaur,harbor,uniform,Beethoven,Intel,moth,Spartacus,fluid,acid,sparkles,talent show,ski jump,polo,ravioli,delivery,woodpecker,logo,Stegosaurus,diss track,Darwin Watterson,filmmaker,silence,dashboard,echo,windshield,Home Alone,tablecloth,backflip,headboard,licorice,sunshade,Picasso,airbag,water cycle,meatloaf,insomnia,broom,whale,pie,demon,bed,braces,fence,orange,sleep,gift,Popsicle,spear,zebra,Saturn,maze,chess,wire,angel,skates,pyramid,shower,claw,hell,goal,bottle,dress,walk,AC/DC,tampon,goatee,prince,flask,cut,cord,roof,movie,ash,tiger,player,magician,wool,saddle,cowboy,derp,suitcase,sugar,nest,anchor,onion,magma,limbo,collar,mole,bingo,walnut,wealth,security,leader,melt,Gandhi,arch,toy,turd,scientist,hippo,glue,kneel,orbit,below,totem,health,towel,diet,crow,addiction,minigolf,clay,boar,navy,butcher,trigger,referee,bruise,translate,yearbook,confused,engine,poke,wreath,omelet,gravity,bride,godfather,flu,accordion,engineer,cocoon,minivan,bean bag,antivirus,billiards,rake,cement,cauliflower,espresso,violence,blender,chew,bartender,witness,hobbit,corkscrew,chameleon,cymbal,Excalibur,grapefruit,action,outside,guillotine,timpani,frostbite,leave,Mont Blanc,palette,electrician,fitness trainer,journalist,fashion designer,bucket,penguin,sheep,torch,robot,peanut,UFO,belt,Earth,magnet,dragon,soccer,desk,search,seal,scribble,gender,food,anvil,crust,bean,hockey,pot,pretzel,needle,blimp,plate,drool,frog,basement,idea,bracelet,cork,sauce,gang,sprinkler,shout,morning,poodle,karate,bagel,wolf,sausage,heat,wasp,calendar,tadpole,religion,hose,sleeve,acorn,sting,market,marble,comet,pain,cloth,drawer,orca,hurdle,pinball,narwhal,pollution,metal,race,end,razor,dollhouse,distance,prism,pub,lotion,vanish,vulture,beanie,burp,periscope,cousin,customer,label,mold,kebab,beaver,spark,meme,pudding,almond,mafia,gasp,nightmare,mermaid,season,gasoline,evening,eel,cast,hive,beetle,diploma,jeep,bulge,wrestler,Anubis,mascot,spinach,hieroglyph,anaconda,handicap,walrus,blacksmith,robin,reception,invasion,fencing,sphinx,evolution,brunette,traveler,jaguar,diagram,hovercraft,parade,dome,credit,tow truck,shallow,vlogger,veterinarian,furniture,commercial,cyborg,scent,defense,accident,marathon,demonstration,NASCAR,Velociraptor,pharmacist,Xerox,gentleman,dough,rhinoceros,air conditioner,poop,clock,carrot,cherry,candle,boots,target,wine,die,moon,airplane,think,pause,pill,pocket,Easter,horse,child,lamp,pillow,yolk,potato,pickle,nurse,ham,ninja,screw,board,pin,lettuce,console,climb,goose,bill,tortoise,sink,ski,glitter,miner,parrot,clap,spit,wiggle,peacock,roll,ballet,ceiling,celebrate,blind,yacht,addition,flock,powder,paddle,harpoon,kraken,baboon,antenna,classroom,bronze,writer,Obelix,touch,sensei,rest,puma,dent,shake,goblin,laundry,cloak,detonate,Neptune,cotton,generator,canary,horsewhip,racecar,Croatia,tip,cardboard,commander,seasick,anthill,vinegar,hippie,dentist,animation,Slinky,wallpaper,pendulum,vertical,chestplate,anime,beanstalk,survivor,florist,faucet,spore,risk,wonderland,wrestling,hazelnut,cushion,W-LAN,mayor,community,raisin,udder,oyster,sew,hazard,curry,pastry,mime,victim,mechanic,hibernate,bouncer,Iron Giant,floodlight,pear,sad,paw,space,bullet,
skribbl.io,shirt,cow,worm,king,tea,truck,pants,hashtag,DNA,bird,Monster,beer,curtain,tire,nachos,bear,cricket,teapot,nerd,deaf,fruit,meteorite,rice,sniper,sale,gnome,shock,shape,alligator,meal,nickel,party,hurt,Segway,Mr. Bean,banker,cartoon,double,hammock,juggle,pope,leak,room,throne,hoof,radar,wound,luck,swag,panther,flush,Venus,disease,fortune,porch,machine,pilot,copper,mantis,keg,biology,wax,gloss,leech,sculpture,pelican,trapdoor,plague,quilt,yardstick,lounge,teaspoon,broadcast,uncle,comedian,mannequin,peasant,streamer,oar,drama,cornfield,carnivore,wingnut,vent,cabinet,vacation,applause,vision,radish,picnic,Skrillex,jester,preach,armadillo,hyena,librarian,interview,sauna,surgeon,dishrag,manatee,symphony,queue,industry,Atlantis,excavator,canister,model,flight attendant,ghost,pig,key,banana,tomato,axe,line,present,duck,alien,peas,gem,web,grapes,corn,can,fairy,camel,paper,beak,corner,penny,dig,link,donkey,fox,rug,drip,hunter,horn,purse,gumball,pony,musket,flea,kettle,rooster,balcony,seesaw,stork,dinner,greed,bait,duel,trap,heist,origami,skunk,coaster,leather,socket,fireside,cannon,ram,filter,alpaca,Zelda,condiment,server,antelope,emu,chestnut,dalmatian,swarm,sloth,reality,Darwin,torpedo,toucan,pedal,tabletop,frosting,bellow,vortex,bayonet,margarine,orchid,beet,journey,slam,marmalade,employer,stylus,spoiler,repeat,tiramisu,cuckoo,collapse,eskimo,assault,orangutan,wrapping,albatross,mothball,evaporate,turnip,puffin,reeds,receptionist,impact,dispenser,nutshell,procrastination,architect,programmer,bricklayer,boat,bell,ring,fries,money,chair,door,bee,tail,ball,mouse,rat,window,peace,nut,blush,page,toad,hug,ace,tractor,peach,whisk,hen,day,shy,lawyer,rewind,tripod,trailer,hermit,welder,festival,punk,handle,protest,lens,attic,foil,promotion,work,limousine,patriot,badger,studio,athlete,quokka,trend,pinwheel,gravel,fabric,lemur,provoke,rune,display,nail file,embers,asymmetry,actor,carpenter,aristocrat,Zuma,chinchilla,archaeologist,apple,hat,sun,box,cat,cup,train,bunny,sound,run,barrel,barber,grill,read,family,moose,boil,printer,poster,sledge,nutmeg,heading,cruise,pillar,retail,monk,spool,catalog,scuba,anteater,pensioner,coyote,vise,bobsled,purity,tailor,meerkat,weasel,invention,lynx,kendama,zeppelin,patient,gladiator,slump,Capricorn,baklava,prune,stress,crucible,hitchhiker,election,caviar,marmot,hair roller,pistol,cone,ant,lock,hanger,cap,Mr. Meeseeks,comedy,coat,tourist,tickle,facade,shrew,diva,patio,apricot,spelunker,parakeet,barbarian,tumor,figurine,desperate,landlord,bus,mug,dog,shark,abyss,betray
Section 0: Background Hi everyone! I’m trying to tailor this a bit more to reflect the UK Money Diary style where I give context on the week before and reflect on it after. I also added in some of the questions from the recent thread about what Refinery29 should ask diarists (
see here).
I wrote this the week of Thanksgiving; my partner and I stayed in NYC instead of going home to either of our parents’ homes. We wear masks and stay socially distant when we leave the house. I’m thankful that we live close to a park and live on a block where we know and enjoy talking to our neighbors.
This was a relatively normal week for us during a pandemic, save for me spending a bit more than normal and it being Thanksgiving. We’ve both lived in the city since college and have so-so relationships with our families, so we didn’t leave for “home” when the pandemic hit.
I also just named my boyfriend instead of giving him an initial. He’s the only person I actually saw this week, but the initials always throw me off when I read these.
What do money and success mean to you? What are your end goals? It helps me to see money as a tool. I never resonate with people who say “money doesn’t buy happiness” because to a certain degree, it does. Money enables me to live the life I want.
I’m pursuing FIRE (financial independence, retire early) and hope to be financially independent (able to live off my investments) by my early 30s. To do so, I save 60%+ of my income per month. I want this because working for 40 years isn’t sustainable for me—I have a very cushy tech job and
still get anxiety and rage about waking up every morning to work, the rat race, and being paid inequitably to male peers. I’d like to give myself the option to leave this world as soon as possible.
As an alternative, I could see myself successful if I open a product consultancy, where I advise early-stage startups on product management, what to build for their MVP, and product-market fit. I’m really interested in tech ethics and the questionable practices in venture capital, so I’d love to be in a place where I could be picky about what clients I take and help truly mission-driven businesses thrive. I could see this also working as a small business incubator—why not apply what works in startups to small businesses?
I don’t yet have a firm picture of what I’d like my life to look like when I retire. I’m interested in spending a lot of time reading, traveling to new places for extended periods of time, and potentially writing a book. I get extremely interested in niche topics. Right now if I had to guess, I’d be writing a book about the ways multi-level marketing companies (MLMs) manipulate women.
Are you a spender or a saver? Definitely a saver. My partner is more of a spender, and we’ve influenced each other well. Seeing him spend money on himself for video games helps me realize I can spend more money on myself for things I just want (see my big purchase for myself this week).
In turn, seeing me save a lot of money has motivated him to up his 401k contribution and overall savings. He’s also interested in FIRE, although I’d say my timeline is more aggressive.
If you could go back in time, what's the one piece of financial advice you would give to your past self? Learn about investing, look up the terms you don’t know, and start doing it as soon as possible. Ask questions to people you know or on the internet.
On to the diary!
Section One: Assets and Debt Investment Balance $131,175
- Retirement (includes 2 company 401ks and 1 rollover IRA): $55,730
- Brokerage: $27,233
- Roth IRA: $25,439
- Managed account: $17,923
- HSA: $4,850
Equity if you're a homeowner N/A, I rent in a HCOL city. No plans to own anytime soon
Savings account balance $10,270
Checking account balance $3,433 in checking account for bills
- This fluctuates, but I try to invest anything over $2k. I’m pretty conservative with my checking account buffer, and don’t worry much about the interest I’m “losing,” especially because interest rates are so low right now
$2,518 in checking account for rent
- I keep a holdover account that’s connected to Venmo and Zelle to pay rent
Credit card debt N/A. There’s $1,348 currently on my credit cards, but I pay them all off in full each month. My parents signed me up for a credit card as soon as I was old enough and taught me about how important it was to pay in full. In fact, I think this was so hammered into my brain that doing anything other than that each month was never an option. Because of this, I’ve always thought of credit cards as similar to debit cards—only spend money you have.
Student loan debt (for what degree) I was fortunate to go to college on a full scholarship, including living expenses. I studied psychology and sociology, and I graduated without any student loan debt.
Section Two: Income Main Job Monthly Take Home: $6,570/month
I maxed out my 401k early this year, so for 8 months I was contributing $2,500/month out of my paychecks. That ended in September, so it changed my monthly take-home from about $4,650 to $6,570/month.
Deductions: - 401k: $0/month (was $2,500/month)
- Medical: $128/month
- Dental and vision: $11/month
Income Progression - I started in customer support right out of college, making $40,000/year + overtime, which ended up being about $52,000/year (thanks OT!).
- About a year later, I moved into an entry-level product role at the same company and received a raise to $60,000/year.
- The next year, I moved to a new company for a half-step promotion where I was making $82,000/year + 15% yearly bonus. The bonus was dependable enough that it was assumed as part of our total compensation, so let’s call it $95,000/year.
- Early this year, I switched companies again (noticing a theme?) for a promotion and now make $122,000/year.
I don’t have any other sources of income outside my main job. My partner makes a similar amount to me—about
$117,000/year with bonus.
Section Three: Expenses I live with my partner and we don’t have combined finances, but split many expenses 50/50. We use Splitwise to log transactions. He’s more laid-back about being paid back, but I’m much more “I don’t want to owe anyone anything, and I don’t want anyone to owe me anything” (I know, rigid, but I’m working on it!).
Splitwise is nice because it’d be ridiculous to Venmo request each other for a $4 coffee, but we can see how expenses are adding up. If someone has racked up a few hundred dollars of spending for both of us, the other person will cover our expenses for awhile. It works for us!
Rent $2,200 for a 2 bed, 1 bath apartment in Brooklyn. We split rent 50/50.
Renters insurance About $7/month for my portion. This covers all our possessions plus my boyfriend’s watches. He pays 75% of it because half of the monthly cost comes from the extra watch overage.
Savings contribution I try to have about $10,000 sitting in my savings account at any given time, because it makes me feel safe in case of an emergency. I also like the freedom it enables, in case I wanted to leave my job and take a significant amount of time off. This is already at the $10k I want, so I don’t contribute to it monthly.
Investment contribution It varies but on average I contribute $2,500/month to my brokerage account and Roth IRA (combined).
Donations I try to donate about $200/month, but it’s pretty sporadic. This month I donated to the Yellowhammer Fund and Northwest Abortion Access Fund. One of my major goals for 2021 is to step up my donations and create an actual strategy around them, potentially involving a donor-advised fund.
Gas/electric Our gas is $20-25/month and electric is $50/month. I pay gas and Will pays electric, both go in Splitwise. About $37/month total for me.
Wifi Our wifi is $60/month, which goes into Splitwise—I pay $30/month.
Cellphone I’m still on my parents’ phone plan—sheesh! This is convincing me that I should Venmo them for it each month.
Subscriptions I pay for Hulu with ads, $5.99/month. My boyfriend pays for Netflix and we share a Spotify family plan with a couple of his friends, which I chip in $4/month for.
I also pay for the budgeting software YNAB (You Need a Budget) which is $84/year. I only pay it once a year in September.
Medical I recently had to go to the emergency room for an overnight stay and follow up with some specialists. (I’m okay!) Because of that whole shindig I’m expecting to max out my deductible (and potentially my out-of-pocket-max) right at the end of the year. This will be about
$4,000, but none of the claims have come through yet so I’m not sure of the exact total. I have a category in my budget for my deductible, and the rest will come out of my emergency fund.
Physical therapy This month I’m starting pelvic floor physical therapy for dyspareunia (pain with intercourse).
I’d tried everything the internet suggested (“just relaaaaaax”) before getting the courage to find a new ob-gyn and ask her about it. She had some recommendations, but ultimately physical therapy was the “last resort” option that I’m now exploring.
My new physical therapist comes highly recommended but is out of network with insurance. Each session is
$250, and I’ll go once every 2-3 weeks for the next few months as part of treatment. If you’ve worked through this problem (or are experiencing it now!) I’d love to hear your experience.
Section Four: Additional Questions Was there an expectation for you to attend higher education? Did you participate in any form of higher education? If yes, how did you pay for it? Absolutely. My dad was the first in his family to attend college and my parents made pretty calculated decisions about where they would live so I could go to the absolute best public school possible. Over 90% of students at my high school attend a 4-year college, and we start talking about it freshman year. To say college was encouraged in my environment is an understatement.
Growing up, what kind of conversations did you have about money? Did your parent/guardian(s) educate you about finances? My dad has worked in finance since I was about 10. He’s always been really knowledgeable about both higher-level economic concepts and the minutiae of personal finance. My family is frugal, too: we clipped coupons and got clothes on super-sale at Kohl’s and Goodwill. I know there was a period of time when he became self-employed and money got very tight for a few years, but the bulk of those worries were largely kept from me.
Did you worry about money growing up? Yes. While we were comfortable, we lived in such an affluent place that our family was in “the middle class” of the town and it made me worry more about money than I probably needed to. Think The Stepford Wives for context.
At what age did you become financially responsible for yourself and do you have a financial safety net? In college, I became maybe 80% financially independent as I had a scholarship and worked part-time during school and over the summer, but I was still on their insurance.
I remember being frustrated in college because even though I knew I was extremely privileged, my friends in college had their parents pay their summer apartment rent and gave them an “allowance” of spending money, and I was “limited” by the options I could afford with the job I had. My dad told me at the time, “This is frustrating but it’s preparing you for actually having to live off the money you make in the near future.” (Great, great advice Dad.)
I’m technically still financially dependent on my parents for my cell phone bill, but otherwise I pay for everything: rent, insurance, utilities, food, therapy, and all wants in the form of clothing, workout classes, etc. I could ask my parents for money if I absolutely needed to, but would use it as a last resort.
Do you or have you ever received passive or inherited income? If yes, please explain. I have an account (mentioned above) that a family friend who’s a hedge fund manager, well, manages. I believe the initial deposit was $1000 over 10 years ago, but that money wasn’t mine either, it’s all a gift. It’s not very liquid—it’d take me several months (and some very good reasoning) to get any of that money withdrawn, since it’s supposed to be for “the future” (which I guess I could argue is now?).
I might receive a small amount of money when my grandmother passes, but it’d probably be around $1-2k, if at all.
Day 1 Wednesday, November 25, 2020 8:30am Wake up and shower, take my vitamin C gummies, then make coffee. I wasn’t much of a daily coffee drinker until my offices had it for free, and now I’m definitely addicted. I don’t really care if the coffee is shitty or not, I just put some milk in it and it’s great. Right now I’m trying to drink half or three-quarter cups so I can attempt to pull back my addiction a bit. I log onto work at 9am.
11:30am Eat leftovers from last night for lunch—quesadilla + Spanish rice. There’s an incredible Mexican restaurant by us, and now I am ruined for the tacos, quesadillas and nachos from any other place.
12:30pm Will picks me up in the U-Haul. We’re driving about 20 min away to pick up a butcher block desk he bought off Craigslist, which ends up being from a small office that’s downsizing. The desk is $150 which he pays for. We love the office’s style (and the owner is super nice!) and walk around while he shows us what else he’s trying to get rid of.
We end up buying an extra-large ZZ plant and two side tables from him for an extra $120, way less than we would have paid for the quality elsewhere. My half will be $60, and I’ll split the U-Haul too, $44.51.
$82.26 2:45pm That ended up taking a lot longer than we expected! We get back and unload the van, then I bring stuff inside while Will returns the van to the U-Haul location. I jump back onto work—so much for a slow afternoon before Thanksgiving. AWS is down, which powers a lot of our engineering work (and a lot of the internet!) so a lot of our teams are basically twiddling their thumbs. We chat about how to message the outage to customers.
5:45pm Will starts making dinner (braised chicken and veggies) and I sit down to read with a strawberry Chobani, but I end up just reading Reddit and searching for new podcasts to listen to.
7:45pm Dinner was great! Now…ice cream.
9:43pm I remember that my mom sent me ideas for her and my dad’s Christmas presents, so I order on Etsy and Amazon. My dad gets a mug with an Ernest Hemingway quote (“write drunk, edit sober”) ($21.54) and a book on writing ($16.63), and my mom gets this food warming tote contraption she wanted ($43.52). We’ve been paring down Christmases over the years—this year I asked for the Europe version of Ticket to Ride.
$81.69 11:15pm I finish up the first episode of Real Housewives of Salt Lake City with some white cheddar Cheez-Its to snack on. After, I start on the dishes from dinner. I listen to the
Product Market Misfits podcast while I do dishes—the episode with Kristen Anderson from Catch is great, highly recommend if you’re tired of just hearing stories about stereotypical Silicon Valley tech companies.
Day 1 Total: $166.69 Day 2 Thursday, November 26, 2020 10am Wake up super late since I stayed up scrolling on my phone too late last night. We make coffee and set out for a long walk around 11:15am.
12:05pm At the end of our walk, we swing by our local liquor store and buy 4 bottles of wine (red, white, rose, champagne). Will pays, total is $63.15 for everything. We haven’t had wine in the apartment for ages and I’m excited to have some stocked up.
$31.57 12:30pm Get back from the walk, shower, then turn on football. I actually don’t really care about any NFL teams (I like college football a lot more), but it’s such calming background noise for me that I find myself looking for games when I have downtime. We also recently found out that Will’s friends’ dog only has a few months to live, so we order some jerky treats and a squeaky toy for him.
$14.07 2:30pm We head out to the restaurant we’re going to for Thanksgiving lunch, a local place a short walk from our apartment. They’re doing a prix fixe menu of the classics—turkey, mashed potatoes, stuffing, green beans, and a phenomenal tarte Tatin with ice cream for dessert.
We eat outside under heat lamps. It’s super cozy. With our bottle of wine and tip the total is $208 (I try to tip over and above the norm because it’s a pandemic
and Thanksgiving). My half will be
$104.
5:53pm Get back from the restaurant. We have a ton of leftovers which is awesome (I think it’s excessive frugality, but I almost expect to stretch takeout or restaurant meals into two meals). Exchange some texts with my friends about their socially-distant Thanksgiving celebrations.
I turn on the Washington vs. Cowboys game right at the halftime show, which is Kane Brown with the Dallas Cowboys Cheerleaders. They’re all wearing masks (except for Kane) and it’s so odd to see them dancing in masks. I mean, I’m glad they’re wearing them, but it just seems like we could have gone without the halftime show this year.
9:21pm I order contacts from Contacts Direct. I got a new prescription but didn’t have a great experience with the eye doctor, so I’m hesitant about this order—only ordered one box of 90 lenses for each eye instead of a year’s worth of lenses. I’ve been getting headaches pretty frequently, so I’m hoping getting a new pair of glasses and alternating those (instead of wearing my contacts for 16 hours a day, every day) will help.
$29.98 after insurance benefits
Day 2 Total: $179.62
Day 3 Friday, November 27 8:56am Wake up super last minute, run to sign onto Slack and then start grinding coffee beans. I’m online and drinking a big mug of coffee by 9:10. (So much for half cups.)
10:45am Come up for air from work and grab the stuff to make a bagel. Everything bagels and plain cream cheese are my go-to combo.
12:03pm I grab a bag of clothes to drop off at the donation bin and a couple library books to return. The library is about a 25 minute walk so it’ll be a nice lunch break diversion.
12:56pm After the library I stop by the grocery store for some paper towels and sponges, since we’re almost out. Total is $22.62, my half is
$11.31 1:09pm When I get home I jump back into work and put the USA vs. Netherlands game on my second monitor. By the 75th minute, the US is up by 2 goals so they start putting in some younger players—it’s fun to see Midge Purce and Sophia Smith play! I also throw some bagel bites in the oven for a quick snack and promise myself dinner will be healthier.
4:23pm I zone out of work and start playing Among Us. I end up playing for over two hours. We open a bottle of wine at some point and I get super tipsy.
6:50pm Turn on the tail end of the Notre Dame vs. UNC game. It turns into Jeopardy, which turns into Wheel of Fortune, which I’m not mad about. P isn’t as into the game shows and leaves to microwave a plate of leftovers from Thanksgiving dinner and play video games.
8:40pm Finally getting hungry after my bagel bites and Cheez-Its this afternoon and make a plate of Thanksgiving leftovers—turkey, mashed potatoes, green beans and cauliflower. Yum.
Will and I end up getting in a tiff about the mess in our apartment so we take a break, cool down and talk it through. I watch a couple episodes of Sister Wives and go to bed around 1:30am.
Day 3 Total: $11.31
Day 4 Saturday, November 28, 2020 10:05am I stayed up late (again) so it’s nice to sleep in. I play Among Us for awhile and have a couple rounds where I’m the impostor and get some great kills and wins. I run out into the living room and celebrate with Will. We laugh because it’s silly how much we love the games we play. Around 10:45 I start making coffee.
11am We desperately need new sheets because our fitted sheet has a huge hole at Will’s feet (and it’s growing). I search a women’s personal finance group I’m in on Facebook for recommendations and we end up buying a queen sheet set from Belk. Total was $100.71 with their sale.
$50.35 1pm I was planning on returning a package to the post office today, but forget it closes at 1pm on Saturdays so I decide to run to Target instead. I have a lampshade to return and want to look for a shower caddy as well. I also have an old iPad to return, which Will tells me I can do at Best Buy. He finds an old iPod and flip phone I can take too.
Take the MTA there ($2.75 for a single fare). When I get there, it’s a madhouse and I remember that I have sillily (is this a word?) decided to come on the weekend of Black Friday. I stand in the returns line for about 15 minutes and get $10.89 back, but ditch the idea of trying to look for a shower caddy. The checkout line looks like 100 people long.
-$8.14 because of return Next I go to Best Buy, but who am I kidding—the line to get in the store is even longer than the Target checkout line. I walk back to the subway and get on to go home.
$2.75 2:30pm Since Best Buy was a no go, I search for electronic recycling around me on the way home just to see where I could drop off the devices I have. Apparently there’s an EcoATM not too far from my subway stop. It’s more for selling devices, but if they can’t give you money for something, they’ll recycle it, which is exactly what I wanted. I put each of the pieces in the scanner, and end up getting a whopping $2 total (for Will’s old iPod). Still cool because I was just expecting to recycle it all. I’ll give Will the $2.
2:44pm There’s a Dunkin nearby so I pop in to grab a couple donuts ($2.90). There’s a woman outside asking for money, so I give her $5 cash.
$7.90 3:00pm Last stop—our favorite deli is nearby and Will mentioned he wanted to get bacon there recently. I get a 1/2 lb and salivate on the way home. This is one of those things I won’t put in Splitwise because it’s small and because it’s fun to get for P as a tiny little present.
$3.50 3:45pm Once I’m home I’m super hungry from only eating carbs all morning so I have a snack of carrots, hummus and some pepperoni. I head back out to drop off a bag of clothes and shoes at a drop box a few blocks away. The neighbors are outside at the park near our house so I stop and chat with them for a few minutes. Their kids are the cutest.
6:47pm For dinner I make a ham and cheese sandwich (panini style with rosemary butter) and more carrots and hummus. I put on another episode of Sister Wives. These people are so fascinating to me—first off, I think the husband is completely full of himself. But I’m also so curious about the wives. There are a lot of talking head testimonials where the parents explain that they’re “oppressed” because they’re different and want to go public so the world can see polygamy as a valid family style (I’m only on season 2).
I know they’re probably playing up the “we love our other sister wives and have so much fun together even without Kody” aspect because people expect sister wives to be catty and hate each other, but I can’t help but wonder why they need to be in plural marriage to get the same friendship they seem to value so much. I also doubt they’d extend the same grace and tolerance they want to people who are “different” because they’re LGBTQ, or “different” because they’re in an open relationship or marriage.
9:15pm I mix together oatmeal chocolate chip cookie batter and put some cookies in the oven. While I’m waiting, I browse Zocdoc for well-reviewed providers—I want to make a podiatrist appointment for a lingering toe issue and an audiologist appointment for a routine hearing screening. I got the idea to make these appointments since I’ll hit my out-of-pocket max with the hospital visit, making them free or very discounted. I make two appointments for next week.
I also lust over a Farm Rio puffer jacket that feels overpriced but I just love. Maybe I’ll buy it tomorrow since they’re having a 30% off sale.
Day 4 Total: $64.50
Day 5 Sunday, November 29 8:58am Wake up and switch between scrolling on Reddit and playing a few Among Us games. After a bit Will gets out of bed and makes coffee for us.
9:45am Will finishes the movie he started last night and we start on breakfast. We’re making the bacon I bought yesterday, breakfast potatoes with onions, and a fried egg for Will (I can’t stand the taste or smell).
11:00am Yum! Breakfast was great. I watch a couple episodes of Sister Wives and mull over buying that ridiculous but amazing puffer jacket from Farm Rio. I’ve still been thinking about it since last night and I might take the plunge.
1:25pm I get a jolt of motivation to work out and do a 20 minute Sydney Cummings video on Youtube. I heard about it from a recent Money Diary posted here! After it’s done I’m so, so tired. I stretch and unpause my episode of Sister Wives.
2:22pm I help Will move the butcher block slab for his desk out to our backyard. We live on the first floor of a single-family home that was converted into apartments, so we get the backyard too—it’s awesome to have outdoor space in the city. P works on sanding it and applying poly for the next couple hours.
5:07pm Will suggests pizza for dinner and I am always, always down for pizza. I order pickup from the spot down the street—one grandma, one cheese and 2 orders of garlic knots come to $38.60. We’ll have leftovers for tomorrow too.
$19.30 5:50pm We pick up the pizza and dig in. While we’re eating we turn on the Chiefs vs. Buccaneers game; Will has a few players on his fantasy team in this game.
6:57pm I sign up to write letters to Georgia residents encouraging them to vote in the Senate runoff elections in January. This is through Vote Forward—I did 20 letters for the general election in November and want to participate again. I’ll print the letters at a local coffee shop since we don’t have a printer at home.
Will sends me
this Reddit comment about campaign finance since we’ve been talking about it recently. I decide I’m convinced by the argument and set up a $5 monthly donation to Brand New Congress.
$5 8:19pm After texting back and forth with my friend all day, I buy the puffer jacket—so excited. She encouraged me to get it and is pumped for me too.
$228.64 I also notice my paycheck has started processing in my checking account (I get paid tomorrow), so I enter the amount in YNAB and budget it all. I earmark about $1500 to go into my brokerage account tomorrow. I won’t include it here as “spending” since it’s included in the overview section above.
Day 5 Total: $252.94
Day 6 Monday, November 30 8:43am Wake up and turn on my Slack. Will started the coffee process and I finish it up by pouring the water into our Chemex and letting it steep (I know there’s a coffee-centric word for this...).
8:56am I check my Citi card and my YouTube TV trial rolled over—I was going to cancel it this morning, which I thought was the last day. I email support to see if they’ll refund me, because (I promise I’m not just saying this!) I did have a pretty bad experience. The Roku app was glitchy for us every time we watched something. Maybe they’ll feel nice today!
$64.99 9:35am After responding to a few work messages, I run out the door to the post office to avoid a long package line. I did the Warby Parker 5-day home try on and have to return my box of glasses today. I found a pair I really like and am excited to get in the habit of wearing glasses again, instead of just my contacts.
Thankfully the line is only a few people long. The employees are also super nice every time I go, so I try to be really pleasant too. The lines are usually long and I’ve seen more than one adult have a fit at this post office. It’s rainy today and I couldn’t find our umbrella, so my flimsy rain jacket gets pretty soaked through on the walk back.
11:35am My podiatrist appointment is supposed to be tomorrow morning, and they call me to tell me since I haven’t hit my deductible, I’ll have to pay out of pocket for the visit. I explain that I’m 100% going to hit my deductible, the claims from the hospital just haven’t processed yet. I ask her to bill my insurance first for the visit, then I can pay whatever ends up not being covered (if anything). She agrees!
Maybe this is standard, but I’ve never had it happen before—even if I haven’t hit my deductible, I’ve always been to offices that bill insurance first, then I pay the remaining balance.
1:05pm Lots of meetings today. I break for lunch and heat up the braised chicken with veggies. It’s definitely on its last good day, so I’m glad I used it up. Still yummy!
2:20pm Woohoo! Get an email that my YouTube TV charge was refunded.
-$64.99 Will ran to Home Depot today to buy some tools for his desk and also got a shower curtain liner since ours is ripping. I go to put it up in the bathroom but my arms are so sore—like I got my flu shot type of sore.
5:05pm Sign off work after trying to wrangle a supremely frustrating SQL query. I don’t get it but figure I can ask our analyst team for help tomorrow. Will will have a late night working, so pizza and Sister Wives is in my near future.
While watching, I update YNAB to reflect the end-of-month balances for my investment accounts. I get a huge dopamine hit by seeing my net worth number go up. I’m also anticipating it going down a bit next month because of my medical bills, so I relish the moment.
8:09pm It suddenly dawns on me that my arms are sore because I worked out yesterday. It’s so rare now that I literally forget when I do it. Ha!
9:15pm We watch the Eagles vs. Seahawks game and I absentmindedly play Among Us. I end up getting ...bullied by a person playing it? They get mad that I figured out they were the imposter and start saying all these schoolyard-type digs throughout the next couple rounds, but level 100 of cruel.
I’m embarrassed by how sad it makes me but think maybe it’s a good thing I don’t immediately know what to say to bully people back. Such a weird experience. I end up going to bed around 11:30.
Day 6 Total: $0
Day 7 December 1, 2020 7:07am Wake up late for my alarm at 7. I’m up a lot earlier today because my podiatrist appointment is first thing. I get dressed in the dark, kiss P goodbye, grab my water bottle and run out the door to the subway by 7:30.
$2.75 8:10am Get to my stop and swing by Starbucks before the appointment. I get a vanilla latte and the bacon cheddar and egg sandwich. Total is around $10 but I have a gift card loaded onto my Starbucks app.
My spending here went way down when I switched jobs to an office not close to a Starbucks, and then stopped going into an office at all.
8:30am My appointment goes great, if a little painful when she numbs my toe. I had to get an ingrown toenail removed. I danced ballet and pointe for years so I’m (unfortunately) used to them, but this one was terrible. The doctor and I bond over both being dancers with bad feet and they schedule me for a follow up two weeks out.
She actually says there’s been a rise in these procedures because people aren’t getting pedicures since the pandemic and aren’t cutting their toenails well! Wild.
I look silly on the subway in December wearing Birkenstocks and socks with a huge toe bandage. It looks like one of those cartoon characters who stubs their toe and it becomes 10x bigger than their other toes.
$2.75 9:40am I get off at the stop before mine to stop at Rite Aid. I grab Neosporin, band-aids and epsom salt and check my notes for anything else she mentioned about caring for my toe.
$12.97 10:00am When I get home, I hop into work and working with our engineers on a promotion for the New Year. I also catch up with Will since he stayed up late last night and I got up early for my appointment. He says he ended up staying up until 3:30am (!!) cleaning up his tools, working on his desk and putting up the shower curtain. I’m floored that he is functional right now after waking up at 8.
12:15pm Heat up the last of the pizza for lunch, along with hummus and carrots.
5:20pm Work is average-paced for the rest of the day. Not doing nothing, not totally over my head. Will puts in potatoes for baked potatoes to have later, which we’ll pair with a salad. We’re getting close to needing a grocery run again, so the meals are becoming more of a mishmash.
We listed a couple things on our local Buy Nothing group last week, so a woman comes by to pick up a wifi router we can’t use anymore. Would totally recommend looking up if there’s a group in your area—they’re usually on Facebook.
6:30pm After dinner I watch more Sister Wives and look up RIP Medical Debt, a nonprofit one of my friends shared for Giving Tuesday. They buy unpaid medical debt from collections, so $1 ends up paying off $100 of someone’s medical debt. I give $50 to the Arkansas campaign, which will clear $5,000 of medical debt.
As Will said earlier today, “medical billing in America is a racket” so I really hope this helps clear a burden from an individual or family. Doing this reminds me to check my insurance portal, which is steadily going up as each separate claim comes in. Ahhhh, modern healthcare!
$51.49 At the end of each day please tally up your daily expenses. Then at the end of your diary please tally up all expenses in the following categories: Total: $719.33 - Grocery + Dining Out: $157.77
- Fun + Entertainment: $0
- Home + Health: $164.67
- Clothes + Beauty: $228.64
- Transportation: $11.00
- Gifts + Giving: $157.25
Reflection This week felt like a big spending week for me. I checked YNAB and since January, I’ve spent about $1600 per month, not including rent—so about $400/week. That’s why this week’s $719 feels so high!
Writing this diary helped me understand how many things I have going for me. I’ve recently been in a huge funk—about my health, my performance at work and my relationships with family, friends and P. Going to the hospital, needing physical therapy to have sex and being in a pandemic will do that to you.
I was able to zoom out a bit and understand how stable and gratifying my life is. That being said, I’m so glad this community exists. I really love it and learning about all your spending and saving habits. Thanks for being here and sharing :)
submitted by Like so many others, I wrote a NOVEL and I’m sorry!! I love reading this community’s MDs and am so thankful for this supportive sub and for the opportunity to share.
Section 1: Assets and Debt My husband and I share all finances except for our retirement and savings accounts (we each have savings accts in our own names but realistically we share the funds within them). We have separate credit cards as well.
- Retirement Balance: My 403b - $47k, I put in 3% and my employer matched 10% (ah-mazing), but COVID put that on pause. Spouse’s 401k - $285k, he also has a generous company match.
- Equity: about $110k. We bought a house last September; it was listed for 440k, we bought for 435k, and it was appraised at 455k. We put 20% down with money from my husband’s savings + 30k in cash as a gift from his parents. We currently owe 342k on the mortgage.
- Savings account: Currently 18k. This took a hit due to some home maintenance costs and a new car purchase.
- Checking account balance: About $2500, typically between 1k-3k. We also currently have about 3k in a piggybank fund that’s technically a savings account but is linked to our checking account and has an abysmal interest rate. We use that for house/auto maintenance, dog expenses, holiday/birthday gifts, vacation, etc.
- Credit card debt: 0 down from 10k, no excuse for the credit card debt except lifestyle creep and stress spending. We floated a balance for a while and then buckled down early last year to pay it off in 5 months.
- Student loan debt: 57k down from 110k (principal was originally 90k ugh) for my BA. I refinance every 6 months or so for better interest rates. I had a lot of shame and buried my head in the sand with these for a long time and only really began aggressively attacking them in the last 4 years. I also have an M.Ed that was paid through tuition remission from my job (60%) and academic scholarships (40%). My husband has a BA but no student loans thanks to his parents.
- Car loan: 29k (we put 5k down in cash + 8k for our trade in) We made it 7 months with 3 kids and a dog in our compact SUV before we finally buckled and bought a minivan in September – it’s a plug in electric/hybrid minivan so we save a lot on gas plus will get a $7500 tax credit, which we’ll put on my loans. Plus, you know, the world is on fire and everything so we weren’t looking for a gas guzzler.
Section 2: Income - My first jobs were babysitting and working as a camp counselor in my teens. Throughout my late teens and early 20s I mostly worked as a bartender and/or barista, as well as tutoring (I lived in France for a little bit in high school so tutoring rich kids in French was always a moneymaker), dance teacher for budding ballerinas, and a bit of writing/editing. I graduated college over the course of 4 years but took a circuitous route (didn’t love college tbh), including taking two semesters off to travel and taking a full year leave of absence to live and work in Santa Fe when I was 20. When I wasn’t enrolled in college I was responsible for my all of my expenses. When I was enrolled in college my parents paid for housing and tuition as much as they could, and I covered my personal expenses.
- After graduating I continued to bartend for about a year and then I got a job as an advisor in higher ed, because it was one of the few industries hiring during the recession. I made 40k but with no benefits besides PTO. After 2 years, I moved to university where I currently work with the same salary but far better benefits including healthcare, retirement, paid family leave and tuition remission.
- My job hasn’t changed much in the last 8 years -- salary increases were mostly inflation adjustments masked as bonuses -- but it’s ideal for me right now. I enjoy the people I work with and have a lot of flexibility (outside of meetings I mostly work when and how I want) with great benefits that allow me to contribute to retirement and stay in the workforce as a young mom. When my daughter was born 8 years ago, I went part time and then PT with 90% telework when my son was born 5 years ago. I went back to full time while teleworking 2 years ago. So I was doing the work-from-home-parent thing for a while before COVID, but uh at least with some childcare.
- I met my husband in my early 20s and we knew within a few months (excuse the mush) we were it for each other. He’s 8 years older and we were both in a place where we wanted to start a family, so I had kids about 7-10 younger than most of my social group. This could be pretty isolating at times, but overall I don’t regret it and recognize that I'm fortunate to be able to make the choices I have. We’re putting the baby (8 months old) in full time daycare next fall and I plan to begin to start my career in earnest then (I’m very interested in the intersection of education policy and law especially w/t the equity gap). My friends lovingly refer to my approach as the Nancy Pelosi method – I’ll take it.
Mine- $2,760 (paid biweekly after taxes, healthcare, 403b, savings transfer)
Spouse - $5900 (paid 2x/month after taxes, 401k and savings transfer)
Total HH - $8660 ($9260 incl. savings contributions)
Section 3: Expenses - Savings - $600… more focused on student loans right now
- Mortgage - $2035, includes escrow payment that covers taxes and insurance
- Car - $550 (min payment is $450 but we pay extra to shave a year off the loan term)
- Student loans - $2000-2500 (min payment is $1045 but we’re trying to rid us of these in 3 years or less)
- Cable/internet - $120
- Phone - $210 for a 4 line family plan with my parents (we pay)
- Utilities - $320 average for water, electricity, gas, and sewage
- Hulu/Spotify/Disney+ - $22 we share with fam
- Netflix/Prime/HBO – $0 we take from fam
- Yearly Subscriptions - $19.50/month (YNAB $84, Washington Post $90, Costco $60)
- Life insurance - $75 (750k policy for my husband & 500k for me)
- Farm CSA - $70/month for weekly veggies
- Meat CSA - $65/month for 15lb meat delivery every other month
- Car insurance - $70 (monthly cost, we pay premium in full every 6 months for savings) This covers the minivan and our 2003 Corolla which is still chugging along like a champ.
- Kids Activities fund: $150/month --for sports, camps, classes, etc., padded right now due to COVID
- Piggybank funds: $600
- Donations: about $200. We donate $100 to a small charity we run that raises money for treatment scholarships for people seeking recovery from substance abuse and addiction after my brother in law died from an overdose a few years ago. We usually spend between $50-100 in other donations per month, but nothing regular.
- College funds: We aim for $2500/year funded through gift money, selling things, and minor side gig money I get from writing/editing. My in-laws started 529s for our kids when each was born with a seed of $30k. We are immensely lucky, and I’d like to shout very loudly that both my husband and me have benefitted greatly from generational wealth, as will our children. Our privilege is well noted, and we center many conversations about this with our kids.
Section 4 – The rundown - Food + Drink: $264.86
- Fun / Entertainment: $4.95
- Home + Health: $103
- Clothes + Beauty: $50
- Transport: 0
- Gifts: $477
Total: $899.81 Day 1, Wednesday: 8am -- The baby cooing wakes me up after a rough night of sleep. I nurse him a little and then hand him off to his almost-8-years-old sister (J.) who happily takes him to her room to cuddle and play before virtual school starts up at 9.
My husband wakes up around 7:00 to clean up the kitchen and basically take care of everything house or kid related before heading to work around 8:30, but I get breakfast for everyone and make sure the kids are (mostly) dressed. My five year old son (C.) settles on “bee cereal” i.e. Honey Nut Cheerios, and that’s good enough for the group, except for the baby who gets sweet potato puffs and a blueberry-banana breakfast bar. The big kids play video games for about 10 minutes before school starts at 9am.
C. should be in Kindergarten, but he was having meltdown after meltdown trying to stay logged into virtual school for 5-6 hours a day, so he watches the recorded zoom meetings on his own time and spends most of the day playing outside or watching tv. We try to do one academic-ish thing a day outside of listening to the zoom lessons (playing alphabet games, practicing writing, making an art project, or finding patterns). Schools in our area have been closed for in-person learning continuously since March. This morning C. turns on the Netflix du Jour, a riveting show called “Trash Truck” about - you guessed it - a trash truck, and I sit down to catch up on work e-mails while the baby crawls around investigating the bucket of toys I overturned for him. Or maybe those are the dog’s toys? Whatever, he’s entertained.
10:30am -- I finish up my work emails in between letting the dog out (and back in) and tending to the baby a bit, and then make a payment on two of our credit cards to cover spending in the last week. We use reward credit cards for everyday spending, so I make payments a couple of times a week to make sure we don’t carry a balance. I also reconcile YNAB.
$0, but a lot of money management (I didn’t include the credit card payments because I count that spending when we actually… spend it…)
11am -- Baby is down for his morning nap, C. is climbing trees outside, and J. is finishing up her homework at the end of the school day (Wednesdays are half days). I turn on Price is Right and throw a load of laundry in, straighten up a little, and then make lunch. Usually my husband makes the kids’ lunches in the morning, but C. complained of too much redundancy yesterday, so today I offered to make them a hot lunch: dino nuggets, Annie’s mac and cheese, and ants on a log. My plan is to make myself an everything bagel breakfast sandwich with prosciutto, cheese, fried egg and a side salad and sit down to work before the baby wakes up. Sounds great, right? Well just as I’m finishing the big kids lunch, our meat CSA is delivered so our dog goes bonkers and wakes the baby up. I try to nurse the baby back to sleep while responding to a work email on my phone but the big kids each interrupt twice, so he’s up for good. I haphazardly slap some cream cheese on my sad bagel and throw some olive oil and Parmesan on some greens and try to scarf down something while managing chaos.
1pm - I give the baby lunch (puréed carrots and shredded provolone cheese). After clean up he wants to nurse for about 10 minutes. A full belly did the trick and he’s down for his nap again.
3pm - We make some slime with a kit our neighbor gave us. My daughter complains it’s too slimy
¯\_(ツ)_/¯ We then sit down to plan her birthday party for next weekend, which will be a virtual tea party. I buy a $5 digital invitation template on Etsy to send out to family and friends and try to make it a little more fun since we can’t do a normal birthday party for her this year. When I check out, I still have in my Etsy cart a wooden train set I was planning on buying for my new baby niece for Christmas. I buy that too. Total - $54.95
4pm - I heat up some tomato soup as a snack for the big kids and nurse the baby. We head out to run some errands — I have to drop off a birthday card in the mail and it’s the veggie csa pick up day at the farm (curbside so no contact). I swing though McDonald’s and get two ice cream cones for the big kids and a coffee for me as a treat since the farm is about an hour round trip. The baby takes a nap during the drive. Total - $4.64
5:30pm - Home again and I switch the laundry, straighten up, nurse the baby and check in on work.
6:30pm - I throw some personal pizzas into the toaster oven and serve them with carrot sticks and dressing for dinner for the big kids. They watch a show about a flamingo that delivers baby animals to animal parents.
7:30pm - I nurse the baby (he loves his milk and his mama) and then head downstairs to straighten up and ask the big kids to clear their plates. My daughter does; my son plays video games. We spar; I’m tired. My husband is trying to work on leaving for work earlier in the day so he can get home earlier because honestly after 6pm I’m spent, and my patience reserve feels especially low today. My husband finally arrives a little before 8 and immediately takes over baby duty and feeds him dinner (green beans and sweet corn) while entertaining the big kids. I heat up some leftovers and scarf them down while chatting with my friends on WhatsApp.
8:30pm - bedtime routine for all kids start. I spar with C. again over brushing his teeth. It escalates and I get pretty angry. C. is smart and spirited and strong willed and this pandemic has been so hard on him. It’s been hard on me. We sometimes take it out on each other. I put J. and the baby to sleep and then sneak into C.‘s room while my husband is reading to him to give C. a hug and apologize to him for my temper.
9:30pm - I have a beer and some hummus and pita chips while finishing up some work. My husband eats some leftovers and we watch an old season of The Amazing Race, and then go to bed around midnight after I dream feed the baby.
Daily Total: $59.59 ****
Day 2, Thursday: 8:30am - I wake up to our 45lb shepherd mix lying on top of me for a snuggle and quickly get out of bed and for some reason get dressed in real clothes. Jeans even. Amazing. My husband has just left for work, so I take the baby and get him dressed. In the living room, C. has already poured cereal and milk for him and his sister, but is also totally naked. I bring him some clothes. I give the baby some plain Cheerios, help J. log into school, and cuddle a little bit with C. while he watches a Disney Nature show before getting up to make some toast and eggs for myself. I’m planning on trying to get some work done but end up making hand turkeys with the kids instead.
11am - I nurse the baby and put him down for a nap. I get the big kids a snack (chips and hummus), do the breakfast dishes, and give J. some encouragement in virtual learning. Then I refill my coffee and finally sit down to work.
11:30am - Baby’s awake. So I guess half hour naps is a thing now.
12:00pm- I’m on lunch duty again so I make some cheese quesadillas with apple slices and grapes while trying to finish a report I need to send out before my 1pm meeting. I reheat my coffee for lunch and send the kids outside to play while I nurse the baby and text with my sister after the report is out.
1pm - I give the baby a bit of butternut squash for lunch and log in for my meeting with him in tow because he doesn’t seem sleepy yet. I have two meetings and a parent/teacher conference today so I asked (/demanded) my husband work from home this afternoon and he’s on his way now. My employer is much more flexible and accommodating than his — babies on zoom don’t phase them— but it’s almost worse this way because it means less boundaries and more stress/shuffling for me. He is pretty isolated at work (masked with his own office, no in person group meetings), so it’s kind of ridiculous he has to go to the office at all, but he doesn’t have much of a choice.
2pm - my husband got home a half hour ago and my first meeting is done, so I nurse the baby to sleep for his nap. I grab a cliff bar and my husband and I log in to a zoom parent teacher conference with C.’s Kindergarten teacher. He hasn’t attended virtual school live in 6 weeks, but she’s not worried about it and neither are we. I straighten up a little bit and then am back in the office for my 3pm meeting.
4pm - The big kids are having a tea party and request tea snacks so I make them s’mores and peppermint tea and then stress eat a s’more (or maybe two) myself because skipping lunch is a terrible idea when you’re constantly breastfeeding a giant baby. I send out J.’s virtual tea party invites and finish up work e-mail and then straighten up a little bit.
6:30pm - My husband stops working and says he’ll make dinner and watch the kids so I can take a much needed shower and relax a little. He starts on the ingredients for an epic taco bar dinner with roasted corn, and I throw together a spinach salad before getting in the shower. I take a long shower and savor the silence. When I emerge I can hear the baby screaming, but (mercifully) my husband is never phased by crying children so I take my time getting into PJs and submit my answers for a daily trivia league I play in.
9:00pm - Kids are all in bed. I clean up the house, which is a disaster zone, because I hate clutter. My husband and I then eat our tacos and salad, and I make myself a hot chocolate. I tell myself I’m going to get some work done but instead I spend two hours updating my fantasy football teams and texting with my sister.
11:30pm - we watch the end of an episode of David Letterman's Netflix show and then the daily show. I fall asleep on the couch and then migrate to bed.
Daily Total: $0 *****
Day 3, Friday: 8amish - I’m slow to get out of bed. The baby and C. are both cranky and my husband (who works at home on Fridays) and I play chicken to see who’s going to get up first to do stuff. Eventually he’s up to change the baby and then clean up the kitchen and make ice and coffee. I pull on some sweatpants and a tshirt and get breakfast for the big kids. They want a bagel and cream cheese (daughter) and a bagel with peanut butter (son), so I oblige because friyay. My daughter logs into school, and is sad I made the wrong kind of bagel for her (everything instead of cinnamon raisin, the horror). I pop the right bagel in the toaster and eat her everything bagel instead. The baby eats a few blueberry bars and shares what he can with the dog.
11am - Baby down for his nap. I got paid last night so I budget that money in YNAB and work.
1pm - Baby awake. I make dino nuggets and carrots for kids’ lunch and I’m starving but don’t have the energy to make anything, so I just start eating prosciutto and goldfish by the fistful. #momlunch (FYI you can buy like 1lb of prosciutto at Costco for $8).
3pm - There is a mega kids consignment sale that happens in our metro area at a few locations several times a year. I frequently consign old kids clothes and toys at these and also buy a lot of the kids’ stuff here too (the steals on really nice quality things is amazing… plus seeing one of these sales reinforces the insane amount of things already in the world. We don’t need to make/buy more.). With COVID they started an online model for their sales which includes curbside drop off for sold items and pick up for bought items. I have to drop off my sold items this afternoon. Due to time and stress I wasn’t able to consign as much, so it’s only about 18 items. I make $52.00 (70% of the total price, sale organizers keep 30%). I pick up a latte from the neighborhood coffee shop on the way and jam out to Betty Who in the minivan. ($5.64 + tip = $7.64)
5pm - Pandemonium when I get back. C. had a couple of rage fits, the baby was asleep but had been crying most of the time (I never set out to be an attachment parent but being born at the start of a pandemic kind of forced it on us, and the baby is really, really attached to me.) My husband looks exhausted from juggling all the kids and wrapping up a few projects from work. We know it’ll be a take out night for us. Take-out is our biggest weakness. I don’t mind cooking but I also don’t love it, so it’s something that I easily pass on if I can. I’m trying to shift to cooking dinner midday when I have more time and energy, and I do meal plan (though it’s more like meal opportunities… I grocery shop and stock the kitchen for scheduled meals at the start of every month but I often hop around the schedule). But take out is one of our few indulgences, and it calls to us far too frequently. It doesn’t help that we live in an area with phenomenal food choices.
7pm - After straightening up and getting the big kids an easy dinner (my daughter actually
wanted spaghetti and
not take out), I run out to pick up steak fajitas and sopapillas for my husband and me; I order online and do curbside pick up. $49.65. I also run into a beer and wine store to get a 12-pack variety IPA for my husband and a 12-pack of Guinness for me. $45.76
Total: $95.41
9pm- Home, bedtime for kids, clean up as much as I can. While my husband tucks my son in I lay out our Mexican food feast in the family room. He logs into a virtual call with a bunch of his college friends and we eat and catch up with them as we relax. My husband has opted for straight vodka instead of a beer tonight (thanks, pandemic parenting), and I savor a nice cold Guinness. The call ends around 11pm and we watch an episode or two of the Amazing Race, clean up dinner, and then slink to bed around 1am.
Daily Total: $103.05 ****
Day 4 - Saturday 8am - Baby awake. The big kids take him into their rooms to play. I get up thirty minutes later when I hear the big kids banish the baby to the hallway, because he started annoying them. Poor baby. He’s smelly because he pooped overnight and the poop is now encrusted on his legs under his PJs, so it’s bath time now. Kids are fun.
10am - I’m starving and the baby is cranky from teething so I have chips and queso for breakfast because it’s 2020 and idgaf. I make my daughter a bagel and cream cheese and give my son cheerios before making a mental note to order a grocery delivery for tomorrow because we’re out of milk. My husband pours me a coffee and we relax a little bit as I nurse the baby. I catch up with my sister via text.
12pm - Baby is asleep and the big kids and my husband are playing video games, so I sit down to do all the things - Work! Bills! Grocery delivery! -- first I make myself a couple fajitas from last night’s leftovers.
I reconcile YNAB transactions and then pay a $25 co-pay bill from a doctor’s tele-visit last month. I’ve had mild to moderate anxiety most of my adult life, and it’s gotten particularly bad in the last few months (um obviously), so my doctor prescribed me low dose Zoloft and it’s been wonderful. Social media likes to tell parents (read: moms) about all the things they should do to raise children (“stop using negative language!” “be supportive of big feelings!”) … but I’m a working mother with three kids in a pandemic, and you know what helps me be a better parent? Medication. Because maybe the pressures of modern American parenthood are unrealistic, and we just need more help. (Descends from soapbox…)
Baby awake before I complete the grocery order.
3pm - I’ve been nursing the baby and doing housework (there are 7 loads of laundry so help me god) before I finally get a chance to finish the grocery order while the kids are outside playing with my husband. I order milk, sprite zero, broccoli, blueberries, queso, cereal, oatmeal, tea (to send out to the virtual party guests), and chai concentrate. Plus a $3 delivery fee = $51.17 We usually do a large Costco trip once a month for staples (about $400), and then I make 2-3 grocery deliveries throughout the month like this to re-stock.
6pm - Somehow the big kids got turned onto this game where they call me The Queen and my husband The King and they’re the maids who have to do whatever we say. I assume it’s divine intervention that they came up with this so I never tempt fate. While they play (slash clean up the house) the King makes dinner - shrimp scampi and a big broccoli, arugula and lentil salad - while I read the paper. I eat a big portion of the salad topped with just a few shrimp because I need the greens like whoa.
9pm - Bedtime routines and the rest of the night is a bit of a blur to be honest. We watched the Great British Baking Show and had a couple beers and cuddled probably. Not sure when we went to bed.
Daily Total - $76.17 ****
Day 5 - Sunday 2am - While “awake” nursing the baby I suddenly snap up and remember that the Best Buy and Game Stop Black Friday sales started at midnight. The kids currently play a retro Super Nintendo complete with games from the mid 90s (what can I say, they’re awed by my donkey Kong skills), and we finally figured they were old enough now it’s probably time to bring them into the 21st century. I snag a Nintendo Switch bundle with Mario Kart for $299 from Best Buy after waiting a few minutes (they released stock in waves to prevent an immediate sellout), which we’ll give them for Christmas. Total with tax - $317
9am - up for real now and we’re late. We hurry out the door with a pitstop at Starbucks for coffee, peppermint hot chocolates, pumpkin bread, and bagels ($32). We’re headed up to do a curbside pickup of the stuff I bought from the consignment sale. For Christmas, we try to keep the kids gifts to one big gift (often to share, like the Nintendo Switch), one medium gift, and two small gifts per kid. I managed to finish all the kids Christmas shopping in one fell swoop at the online consignment sale (including gifts for my nephew and two nieces). We also got a bike trailer for kids for about $50 that retails new at REI for $400, plus a lot of clothes. All in I spent $196, and Christmas shopping is mostly done.
11am - after picking up the consignment sale goods, we head to a drive thru covid testing site. I was around a larger group of people (20 or so) for a memorial last week, and I’ve been isolating to household as much as possible since then. I had a negative covid test last Monday, but both my husband and I are getting tested again today. The testing line is looooong in advance of Thanksgiving, and it takes us just under 2 hours to get through. Yikes. The kids are screaming for lunch so we zoom home and I make a quick grilled cheese and serve it with bunches of grapes.
2pm - my brother, sister and I are chatting about a vacation at the lake (about 2 hours away) we had booked for all of us and my parents over New Years. It’s looking increasingly like that would be an irresponsible trip to take given the current covid climate, so we decide to move it to the end of April. My sister and her family live in Canada and we’re going to have to miss it anyway, so at least this way they have a chance at joining us. My brother will call the rental company and move the dates and pay the new deposit ($300). We lose the old deposit, but my card’s travel insurance should reimburse us. I make a mental note to call their claim center this week.
4pm - We log onto zoom for a Friendsgiving get together with friends - there’s about 20 participants, many with young children - and it’s a little crazy. By the time we log off it’s too dark to take the bike ride my son was hoping for, and he has a meltdown.
6pm – I take a shower and then start a K-pop dance party in the kitchen to try to brighten up C. who is still angry about not being able to bike. He eventually succumbs to the BTS beat. Once upon a time I was that music snob that would only go to concerts in tiny venues with obscurely known indie bands, and now I’m moonwalking to Dynamite. Life comes at you fast, friends.
7pm - We decide on takeout again because we definitely fall into a “it’s the weekend, treat yo self” trap and decide to order Thai for lots of leftovers as a way of lessening our guilt over ordering. Our local Thai restaurant will deliver to us. We get curry puffs, yum watercress, pad Thai with shrimp, pad see ew with chicken, and massaman curry. ($74 with tip and tax)
9pm - Kids are all in bed. I do about an hour of work and then tell myself I’m going to fold laundry or do something else productive, but we’re exhausted so we just watch an episode of the Queen’s Gambit and then go to bed around 11:30.
Daily Total - $619 ouch *****
Day 6 – Monday 8:30am - I’m going to get up early and get some work done today, I told myself last night. Spoiler: I did not do that. I emerge from bed and find my family in the kitchen — my husband finishing up chores and all the kids eating oatmeal with blueberries. I get my daughter set up with school as my husband departs. She’s out of underwear, so it looks like that seven loads of undone laundry is starting to be an issue.
10:30am - baby down for nap. I feel very unproductive. I put a load of laundry in and sit down to work but instead somehow end up browsing political memes on Instagram instead.
12pm - by the time the baby wakes up I have gotten a little more work done. I nurse the baby and then play a few rounds of Crazy 8s with my son. I text my husband the info for our zoom parent/teacher conference with my daughter’s teacher so he can login from work. Conference is at 12:50. I heat up leftovers to eat for lunch and get the kids lunches out (husband made them this morning). I give the baby some apple sauce and rice for lunch.
3pm - Baby is down for another nap. I make myself a chai latte and switch the laundry before sitting down to do more work. It’s half days for my daughter this week because of Thanksgiving, and she and her brother are actually getting along well, so they spend a lot of the afternoon playing outside together. I take a 20 minute break to prep dinner, which is Ina Garten’s Turkey Hash, so it should only take about 20 minutes to throw together at dinner time. I get a good chunk of work done, possibly motivated by the announcement that we get Wednesday off. My husband texts to say his boss gave the green light to go back to full time telework after thanksgiving due to the surging covid numbers. Micro good news, macro bad news.
6pm - I do some more laundry and ”pretend” to sleep in a fort J. and C. built before getting dinner together. I make a few eggs to throw on top of the Turkey hash and toss together a big salad as well. We all eat dinner when my husband gets home a little after 7. Baby has bananas and strawberries for dinner.
8:30pm - Bedtime for all kids. I do a little work and we watch our old standby, the amazing race, while I have a Sprite Zero and a s’more for dessert. The baby isn’t sleeping well tonight so I spend a good chunk of time trying to get him to settle before heading to bed around midnight.
Daily Total - $0 ******
Day 7 – Tuesday 8:45am - I’m up! I’m up. I help the kids all get dressed and change the baby. I make a few eggs for myself, a bagel and cream cheese for J., and oatmeal for C. The baby has cheerios and a few slices of banana. I do some housework and try to motivate myself to get some work done.
10am - The baby broke my glasses when playing with them -- probably should have seen (ha) that coming. I hop on Zenni and they have a Black Friday sale (oh no) for 20% off $30 or more. I get two pairs of glasses for me, plus a pair of prescription aviator sunglasses for my husband to put in his stocking. Total with $5 shipping - $48
12pm - Baby is napping and I’m trying to get some work done. The big kids eat their packed lunches and I see my husband has also made a sandwich for me, so I scarf that down over reports. I’m really sluggish again today. I make a chai but it feels like I can’t concentrate. The dog and I usually go for runs 2-3 times a week on a local trail, but since semi-isolating I’ve stayed in and I think it’s starting to really affect my overall state. It probably doesn’t help that I often catch the pup looking longingly at her running harness and then back at me, disappointment evident in her eyes.
1pm - I set up Zoom Thanksgiving for my family. It’ll just be us with my mother and father in law, who live 20 minutes away, for Thanksgiving in person. I spend 40 minutes making a Jeopardy game to play online for my family and then immediately text everyone about how excited I am to play it. I continue to do no legitimate work.
2pm - The baby wakes up the very minute a team meeting is supposed to start. I grab him, turn my video off (no Toobin slips here thanks) and nurse him for the first half of the meeting that goes for about an hour. Afterwards I officially say sayonara to work until next week. During my meeting the big kids have gotten into an argument over video games and it gets uglier than it should. When people ask how it’s going with the kids in quarantine, I relay it this way: imagine you’re a kid again and your sibling(s) are your only playmate or social contact for 8+ months. Even if you get along with them, that’s batshit insane. Sometimes I’m shocked they haven’t done more damage to each other. I’m feeling particularly kumbaya-like and crunchy today so after I calm them down I make us all tell each other two things we love about each other. They tell the baby the two things they love about him are his sweet personality and his fat thighs; better him than me.
4pm - My daughter got a baking cookbook and utensils from my brother and sister in law as an early birthday present in the mail today, and she’s been hankering to make brownies all day. We make a pan and afterwards we veg out and watch tv together for a bit while playing with snapchat filters until my husband gets home.
6pm - I throw together a mongolian beef-esque marinade and toss that with some sirloin cuts in the instant pot, steam some rice, and roast broccoli and green beans for dinner. It’s pretty good but the marinade is a little too sweet for me --- my son eats all the vegetables and none of the beef and rice. He truly is an enigma.
7pm - My husband and the kids go outside to play some catch (in the dark, whatevs), and I work like a tasmanian devil cleaning up the house. When unencumbered by children I think I could set records for how quickly I clean up. I finish by changing out sheets on all the beds, and then take a shower.
8:30pm - Bedtime for the kids; they’re down by 9.
9:30pm - I indulge in one of my favorite teas - African Nectar by mighty leaf; I’ve loved mighty leaf since I worked at a coffee shop that carried their collection, but I try not to drink them too often since I find it’s pricier than your everyday tea. We watch the rest of the Queen’s Gambit. I fall asleep on the couch around 11:30, I’m told, and zombie walk to bed around midnight. I fall asleep reveling in the wonderfulness of the sensation of fresh sheets on shaven legs.
Daily Total: $48 Total Spent: $899.81 **********
Section 5: Reflection This was a bit of an atypical week for me, because I bought a lot of Christmas presents, which mostly come from our piggybank fund. Gifts and food are for sure my weakness; if I could eat take out all day while shopping for other people I’d be good for life, and I think that was reflected this week a little bit. I was definitely more conscious of my gift spending this week since I had to record it all though. Throughout this year I’ve struggled to find the right balance between giving myself a little grace on spending because oh em gee does my day-to-day feel stressful sometimes, while also being mindful of overspending. Recording everything this week definitely hit home for me that sort of guilt trap I fall into with money (but also how I feel guilty about pretty much everything).
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