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Your 14-minute Thursday report in 3497 words. Part 1.

anti-corruption: Defense Ministry official busted with bribery & tampering with draft during war

NSS report says: a Colonel, who had oversight over subdivisions, received a ֏975K bribe from a conscript to transfer him to another location on Sep-13-2020. Part of the bribe was transferred to his online gambling account.
When the war began, a draft was declared and recruits began training at a location in Armenia. The Colonel took a ֏1.2M bribe from a soldier in exchange for not sending him to the front lines.
During the winter draft, the Colonel took a ֏5.2M bribe from another conscript and used his connections to send him to the desired service location. A similar ֏1M bribe was requested on January 6th from another recruit.
The Colonel took another ֏1.4M bribe to help promote a conscript and allow him to work at a hospital instead of regular service.
On October 22nd, during the war, the Colonel decided to help a friend move from bordering Khndzoresk (Syunik) hospital back to Yerevan. As a result, the clinic became understaffed and couldn't fulfill its duties. Moreover, the Colonel then helped the same friend not to be deployed on Syunik borders as a soldier and instead to handle tasks in the rear, on October 26th, in exchange for a ֏300K bribe.
On October 13th, during the war, the Colonel and his accomplices wanted to help a soldier to leave Artsakh. When they learned that the latter was already on the "deserted" list, they took steps to remove him from the list.
Then, he learned that his friends' sons received a draft notice, and use his connections to remove them from the draft list.
After the war, on Dec-13, a friend asked the Colonel to make sure that his son, who was serving in Lusakert, wasn't sent to the front lines. The Colonel contacted the Lusakert facility but learned that the soldier was not among those who were supposed to be sent to the front lines. Nonetheless, the Colonel decided to defraud his friend by claiming that "he took care of it", and received a ֏200K bribe.
The colonel and over a dozen others were arrested. Illegal weapons were found under their possession. The investigation continues to expose other possible suspects.
https://youtu.be/ifo13WJLpsU
https://armenpress.am/arm/news/1042334.html

bill: harsher punishment for treason, spying, espionage

BHK MPs drafted a bill to increase punishment for traitors, spies, passing of state secrets. They want to raise the maximum punishment from 15 years to 20-life. The authors explained the move by citing many media reports about alleged "treason" incidents.
The bill was discussed at a relevant Parliamentary committee. The chairman QP MP Vladimir said he supports life imprisonment as the minimum punishment. However, during the discussion, they agreed to settle on 15-20 years plus property confiscation, or a life sentence.
The committee found the espionage punishment too harsh and asked the bill author to reduce it from 15 to 12 years. The BHK author agreed.
The bill was approved unanimously and will be debated/voted on the Parliament floor later.
https://armenpress.am/arm/news/1042354.html

Jalal is back with another position

The wounded ex-Artsakh army commander Jalal Harutyunyan will serve as the Republic of Armenia's Defense Ministry's Head of the Military Control Service. He will replace General Movses Mosi Hakobyan who quit on November 18th.
https://armenpress.am/arm/news/1042353.html

Russian-Turkish ceasefire monitoring group begins operations

Russian troops are using ORLAN-10 and FORPOST drones to monitor Am-AZ troop locations and movements.
https://youtu.be/ToSLqUDj6OE
https://factor.am/335089.html

ECHR received Armenia's complaint against Azerbaijan regarding 228 POWs / Azeris counter-claim for 13 POWs

Armenian families submitted a petition to ECHR to require Azerbaijan to provide information regarding 228 individuals. Azeris want to know data about 13 people.
(From the language it is unclear to me whether the petition is for confirmed POWs, or it also includes families of missing soldiers who want to know whether their relatives are POWs. Likely the former.)
https://armenpress.am/arm/news/1042406.html

Red Cross visited 4 Armenian POWs in Azerbaijan

They were able to establish contact with families.
https://armenpress.am/arm/news/1042428.html

Russia expects UNESCO to soon visit Armenian monuments that went under Azeri control

https://factor.am/335437.html

Russia removed tomato import ban on 13 Armenian firms

Russian regulator will allow 13 Armenian sellers to export tomato and pepper to Russia again after earlier finding a food virus in them. A similar ban was implemented against Azeri tomatoes.
https://armenpress.am/arm/news/1042433.html

US Congressman demands an explanation from the US ambassador to Azerbaijan over "congratulatory" statement

Rep. Bred Sherman wants to know why the US ambassador to Azerbaijan Lee Litzenberger congratulated Azerbaijan's Economy Minister with "de-occupying territories and US's willingness to aid Azerbaijan with rebuilding those territories". He reminded the US officials that the US is a member of the Minsk Group and should take steps to ensure Artsakh's safety and prevention of a new war.
Bred Sherman praised Biden's appointee Anthony Blinken for stating that the US will review its military assistance to Azerbaijan after the latest war in Artsakh.
Artsakh MFA yesterday released a statement urging countries, officials, and organizations to refrain from such "congratulatory" statements.
https://armenpress.am/arm/news/1042370.html

de-occupy Hadrut NGO

... aims to help 13,500 Hadrut residents who lost their homes during the war. It was founded during the war by activists who held protests in front of various embassies. In the early days, they received aid from President Sarkissian's office. The latter gave shelter to 25 families.
Today the NGO aims to help refugees with employment, while simultaneously lobbying for Minsk Group to de-occupy Hadrut so residents can return. "I hope that one day our NGO will shut down because Hadrut is no longer occupied," said co-founder Meri Davtyan.
https://armenpress.am/arm/news/1042286.html

govt session: financial aid for Syunik border villagers

The government approved a new aid package for residents of Syunik's Shurnukh and Vorotan villagers. Those who lost their homes will qualify for the same aid package as Artsakh refugees: one-time ֏300K payment plus monthly ֏65K payments for 6 months. There is another pending aid package to build new houses for them.
Context: Two dozen houses in Vorotan and Shurnukh went under Azeri control because they were built on the Azeri side of the internationally-recognized borders.
https://armenpress.am/arm/news/1042362.html

bill: disability ranking to be replaced with degrees of functionality impairment

The government approved a bill, yet to be approved by Parliament, to reform the disability system. The disability assessment process will analyze the person's level of functional impairment while taking into account surrounding conditions.
"Today, the system is run under a 1993 law that does not do a comprehensive assessment of the surrounding environment, person's ability to function in public life," says the govt.
The draft bill will repeal the 1-3 Categories and Disabled Child category. A person's functionality impairment degrees will be light, medium, heavy, or deep. Disability will no longer be considered a permanent health problem. The assessment will be based not only on the factor of health problems but also on the environmental factors of the person's activity and participation in public life.
Healthcare and Social Ministries, NGOs, the UN, and the EU worked together to create and test an assessment methodology.
https://armenpress.am/arm/news/1042365.html
Tags: #DisabilityLaw #disabled

bill: require unknown Telegram/Facebook media channel owners identified before "linking" by mass media

QP MPs want to require social media channel operators identified before a "mainstream media" can link to them. It doesn't restrict citing "anonymous sources", however. It also requires outlets to disclose sources of revenues for transparency. Read yesterday's news for context and arguments in favor or against it.. The debate continued today.
QP MP Arthur: For example, a legitimate news organization with an editorial staff of 30 people generates information, holds interviews, etc., while a Telegram channel that we do not know where it is managed from and by whom, begins to disseminate sensationalized information and over time becomes more "legitimate" than real media outlets because media outlets "advertised" them.
This is also a national security risk because it is very possible that such sources are being operated by an adversary country to spread instability and an atmosphere of fear in the country. //
The co-author criticized the critics who "claimed that the bill intends to ban anonymous sources. That's not true. This also won't affect the protection of journalists' source secrecy."
https://armenpress.am/arm/news/1042357.html
If you're interested in more debates:
https://youtu.be/MTHwRa4YjgY , https://youtu.be/ThDNVwZYEp8 , https://youtu.be/S6C_NocS9N0 , https://youtu.be/3_-i2Z23ubI , https://youtu.be/wiPnmfeLNJ8
Tags: #MediaLaw #TelegramLaw #FreeSpeech

rumors and rebuttals: Artsakh army isn't being dissolved

Serj's won-in-law Mishik earlier circulated rumors that were denied by state officials. Today, Kocharyan-ally Vitali Balasanyan, who serves as Artsakh's Security Council chief, confirmed that the army isn't "disintegrating." After the restructuring process, there will be subdivisions with professional contractors, he said.
https://armenpress.am/arm/news/1042344.html

rumors and rebuttals: Azeri flag won't fly over Artsakh govt buildings

Vitalik Balasanyan also denied rumors about Azeri flags being installed on Artsakh govt buildings in Stepanakert.
https://armenpress.am/arm/news/1042344.html

rumors and rebuttals: Azeri families won't resettle in Stenapakert / none are shopping in market

Vitalik Balasanyan said there are false rumors about two districts in Stepanakert being populated by Azeris, and Azeris allegedly freely shopping in Stepanakert market.
"Dear citizens of Artsakh, on behalf of the authorities of the Artsakh Republic, I assure you that despite the irreparable losses inflicted on us as a result of the war, the state is always committed to fulfilling its responsibilities to ensure the security and normal life of the population. Accordingly, I urge you not to pay attention to the false news. Everything is being done to create and expand the necessary conditions for a dignified life of the people of Artsakh."
https://armenpress.am/arm/news/1042344.html

rumors and rebuttals: Artsakh envoy won't stop operating in Russia

The Permanent Representation of the Artsakh Republic in Russia will not be terminated, said the Artsakh govt in response to rumors.
https://armenpress.am/arm/news/1042367.html

rumors and rebuttals: no single currency in EAEU trade bloc

EAEU would like to inform you that you've been misled about alleged plans to establish a single currency among member-states.
https://armenpress.am/arm/news/1042427.html

location "Hollywood, Yerevan, Armenia"

There is a district called Hollywood in Yerevan, Armenia. Gamblers were caught running an underground casino in there. This is the second such bust in the past few months. The police say ֏5.5B in damages was done to the state.
https://youtu.be/sp0Sb--e_ms?t=60
https://factor.am/335320.html

anti-corruption: prosecutors charge education officials with ֏1.2B auction shenanigans

Prosecutors said: State Oversight Committee (SOC) audited the "National Center for Educational Technology" government-affiliated agency's finances between 2013-2020. Every year, the agency submitted a report on the work done by them towards servicing the education system. The bill was ֏700M annually.
It was revealed that between 2012-2015, they granted an auction-based contract to the same company. It received a combined ֏2.8B in funding. The law requires the auction-holding officials to examine the market and take other steps before the auction. They failed to do so.
Later, during 2017-2019, the same company was selected to do the job, but this time it was only paid ֏300-400M annually, far lower than during the previous years.
֏1.2B in damages was done to the state. A felony case is launched.
https://armenpress.am/arm/news/1042389.html

re: Armenia's $750M eurobond sale / lowest % in history / $3B demand by investors / economy news

Read yesterday's news for context.
Pashinyan: The issuance of $750M eurobonds is a strong positive signal for the start of the economic year. The issuance was done under the most favorable conditions in the history of our republic, with the lowest 3.8% percentage rate. Our previous record was in 2019 at 4.2%. The demand was for $3B but we decided to issue only $0.750B.
First, it provides a guarantee of macroeconomic stability. Second, this is the first serious signal of overcoming the post-war economic shock, which shows that international investors have confidence in the economic future of Armenia and the policy pursued by the government. //
Economy Minister Janjughazyan: this was part of our long-term plan and we had planned to do it while drafting the 2021 budget. We planned to issue fewer bonds but decided to add $250M because of favorable terms. We plan to use that extra cash towards the stabilization deposit, as a safety pad, to be used throughout the year if necessary.
As long as our budget has a deficit we will have to borrow. But this is only part of the story; the country's overall debt burden is calculated based on various indicators. So far Armenia has been rated as a country with a lower debt burden.
https://armenpress.am/arm/news/1042351.html, https://armenpress.am/arm/news/1042352.html , https://armenpress.am/arm/news/1042363.html , https://armenpress.am/arm/news/1042393.html

how many people did leave and arrive after reopening air traffic with Russia?

The governments of Armenia and Russian worked on an "app" to allow mutual travel after taking a test. By February 15th, there will be 4-route flights in 2 directions. There were several flights in the past few days.
3900 left and 3400 arrived. 1423 Armenian citizens left and 1263 Armenian citizens arrived. "More people were willing to leave in December than today," noted Diaspora Committee chief Sinanyan.
"Some people flew to Russia but had to return due to a problem. This wasn't due to the COVID app implemented by us. Preliminary data shows that they went to Russia with a paper QP code which raised the suspicion of Russian authorities. We will work with them to resolve this," said Deputy PM Mher. (say what??)
"We need to better inform the public about the existence of this app. Restoring routine flights will help the tourism industry," said PM Pashinyan.
https://armenpress.am/arm/news/1042358.html , https://armenpress.am/arm/news/1042383.html

Pashinyan about the suspended Amulsar gold mining project

He repeated his earlier position that "Decisions must be made that take into account Armenia's best interests."
"The mining industry plays a very important role in the development of Armenia's economy, including in the security context."
"We must make decisions to make investment programs acceptable for the Armenian public while taking into account interests of Republic of Armenia."
https://armenpress.am/arm/news/1042368.html

COVID stats

1829 tested. 147 infected. 352 healed. 11 deaths. 4637 active.
"We're negotiating for vaccines via COVAX global initiative. Separately, we're negotiating with Russia for Sputnik-V. Vaccines should be available in March. It will be targeted at specific groups. It won't be mandatory," said Healthcare Minister Avanesyan.
https://armenpress.am/arm/news/1042341.html , https://youtu.be/vXz3pHx1BlM?t=92

the consumer market price increase in the past 12 months

Armenia's consumer market inflation was +4.5% from January to January. Food +6.4%. Alcohol & tobacco +10.8%. Clothing +2.6%. Utilities +0.6%. Appliances +5.8%. Healthcare +5.6%. Transport +5.7%. Telecom +0.5%. Leisure & culture -0.8%. Education +2%. Dining +1.6%. Misc +3.5%.
https://armenpress.am/arm/news/1042323.html

Parliament MP stops a citizen's suicide attempt

Someone tried to jump from Kievyan bridge. QP MP Gor Gevorgyan was nearby and stopped the attempt. The police took the distressed person to a station.
https://armenpress.am/arm/news/1042329.html

psychological support will be provided to war participants and the public

Emergency Ministry says 15-30% of people have PTSD after the war. Today the government approved a plan to provide psychological aid to war participants and others. The target group includes families of missing people, POWs and their families, those who received disabilities, families of those who died, those who fought in the war, IDPs, civilians who were affected in any way. The program will work in Armenia and Artsakh.
The government will purchase services from experienced mental health service agencies.
https://armenpress.am/arm/news/1042403.html

Armenia will grow industrial marijuana on mass industrial scale / incentive to boost land utilization

Hemp is a type of weed that contains less of the substance that makes you feel high. The government wants to grow industrial hemp on a mass scale to boost ~~mood~~ land utilization and revenues.
Pashinyan: this is going to open room for many speculations. It's important to present the project in detail so the public will have a full understanding of what is being done. Unfortunately, "hemp" is interpreted as something else, while in reality, it is a very important industrial raw material. The growing process has risks but there are oversight mechanisms that have been tested in many countries.
Deputy PM Avinyan: the US, Russia, and China have a great experience with industrial hemp production. The practice was examined by the Economy Ministry. We're talking about industrial production only. It will significantly activate agricultural land utilization. Today, 40% of lands are gone unused. This is part of our plan to boost the production of high-value agricultural products.
https://youtu.be/ssZgr2DR3DM?t=7
https://www.healthline.com/health/hemp-vs-marijuana#marijuana
https://armenpress.am/arm/news/1042372.html

Education Minister says the "controversial" parts of Church/History merger were "resolved"

Education Ministry wants to merge the school subjects "Armenian Church History" and "Armenian History". Critics said it will shrink the church-related materials too much, others called it treason, while others supported the decision, stating that it's all part of our history and having a separate class is inefficient.
Education Minister Dumanyan says he met colleagues at the National Academy of Sciences and they resolved the conflicts "that caused a noise earlier." He will reveal details soon.
https://armenpress.am/arm/news/1042379.html , https://youtu.be/V0sC3dx-gzU

Major education reforms: "education alone will not solve all problems, but there is no problem that can be solved without an education"

... said PM Pashinyan during a govt session while discussing education reforms. Kids in 1-5 grades will no longer receive grades; tt will be pass or no pass (still needs Parliamentary approval). "There will be a criticism. How can you not grade? But this is a comprehensive program that emphasizes the student's needs and preferences," said Pashinyan.
"We need to pay attention to how the time is spent in schools and what skills are being taught in school hours. It will reflect in our society 15-20 years later. It will define whether we have a technological product or not.
What we were doing in 12 years (school length) can be done within 9 years, but a 9-year school isn't the solution. Instead of shortening the school, we're trying to fill the gap in a way to have a 50% higher efficiency by the end of the 12th year.
In developed countries, education starts not from school but from preschool. The lower the education entry age the more developed the countries are," said Pashinyan. (the govt has a plan to make sure 70% of kids attend preschools by 2023)
https://armenpress.am/arm/news/1042394.html

cancer stats in Armenia / annual rate / drops among children / fewer abandon treatment

world
9.6 million people die from cancer annually. 1/3rd is possible to prevent. Another part can be cured with the help of early detection.
Armenia
Cancer was the 2nd leading cause of death in 2020. It has increased in the past 10 years but at a small rate. Lung cancer is more common among men, and breast cancer among women.
First time diagnosis by year: 2018 - 8762, 2019 - 7908, 2020 - 7050.
Deaths by year: 2018 - 5199, 2019 - 5434. 2020 - unavailable. (55% men, 45% women)
The cancer rate went up by 1.5x compared to 1990. However, it declined by 2x among children under 14yo.
Fewer people abandon treatment. 3 years ago 53% of lung patients did so, today it's 40%. Breast cancer treatment abandonment went from 47% to 22%. (I translated the word բարձիթողության as "abandonment". Correct me if it refers to something else.)
Artsakh
The number of cancer cases has decreased in Artsakh: from 345 to 260 YoY.
prevention
Oncologist Safaryan says the early detection helps to avoid complications and save lives, even if it's the type of cancer that is known to reappear. There are many patients who defeat cancer. "Smokers should get a lung x-ray twice a year. Those working in chemical plants should get a frequent screening. Do not ignore symptoms and չգցել ականջի հետև. You can defeat it more easily when it's at 1-2 stages. It's a lot harder when it advances to 4."
Preventing cancer isn't easy. The causes of this disease are many. Genetics, bad habits, obesity, surrounding environment. A genetic test can reveal the likelihood of suffering from illness. Some women choose to undergo a mastectomy to prevent possible breast cancer in the future.
"I decided that if 1-in-100 is destined to be cured, I will be that one," said Ashkhen, a woman who recently defeated cancer.
More: https://armenpress.am/arm/news/1042291.html , https://armenpress.am/arm/news/1042364.html , https://armenpress.am/arm/news/1042405.html

cancer diagnosis, surgery, and radiotherapy are free

The treatment was made free recently. The Oncology Center urges the public to get screened as part of an early-detection initiative. The pilot program began in Vanadzor; 307 women were screened.
Cancer diagnosis, surgery, and radiotherapy are free, while the medication has a co-payment.
https://armenpress.am/arm/news/1042423.html

today in history

2004: Mike Zuckerberg founded Facebook to steal your SSN
1949: Sri Lanka declares indpendence
https://armenpress.am/arm/news/1042309.html

president meets donor

Artsakh president Arayik met donor Alec Baghdasaryan and thanked him. "Only with the joint efforts of the Armenian people is it possible to quickly overcome the difficulties and to plan development programs." Alec plans more charity programs relating to education.
https://armenpress.am/arm/news/1042326.html

donations to Artsakh & recovering soldiers

www.1000plus.am (recovering soldiers & their families)
www.HimnaDram.org (for Artsakh & Armenia)
www.ArmeniaFund.org (U.S. tax-deductible)

archive of older news

http://www.armeniapedia.org/wiki/Daily_Anti-Corruption_Reports

disclaimer

All the accused are considered innocent unless proven guilty in the court of law, even if they "sound" or "appear" guilty.

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FAHRENHEIT 451 (SPLIT) (ITUNES)
FANTASTIC BEAST & WHERE TO FIND THEM 4K (MA) (2016) $7
FAST & THE FURIOUS #1- (SPLIT) VUDU/MA OR (ITUNES 4K)
FAST & THE FURIOUS #2- (SPLIT) (VUDU/MA ITUNES 4K)
FAST & THE FURIOUS #3- (SPLIT) (VUDU/MA OR ITUNES 4K)
FAST & THE FURIOUS #4- (SPLIT) ( VUDU/MA OR (ITUNES 4K)
FAST & THE FURIOUS #5 - EXTENDED VERSION (SPLIT) (VUDU HD OR ITUNES HD)
FAST & THE FURIOUS #6 - EXTENDED VERSION (SPLIT) (VUDU HD OR ITUNES 4K)
FAST & THE FURIOUS #7 EXTENDED VERSION (SPLIT) (VUDU HD OR ITUNES 4K)
FAST & THE FURIOUS #8 - FATE OF THE FURIOUS EXTENDED VERSION (SPLIT) (VUDU HD OR ITUNES 4K
FAULT IN OUR STARS-THE (VD OR ITUNES 4K)
FAVOURITE-THE (2018) (MA) $8
FIFTY SHADES DARKER UNRATED (SPLIT) (VUDU OR ITUNES 4K )
FIFTY SHADES OF GREY (SPLIT) (VUDU OR ITUNES 4K)
FINDING DORY (SPLIT) (MA(HD) OR ITUNES 4K $6) NP OR (GP $4)
FIRST MAN (MA) $6
FOCUS (2015) (MA)
FORCE OF NATURE (VUDU OR ITUNES 4K) $6
FOUR KIDS & IT (VD) $6
FOX & THE HOUND 2 (SPLIT) (GP$6)
FROZEN (SPLIT) (MA 4K $7 OR GP $5)
GAURDIANS OF THE GALAXY VOL. 2 (SPLIT)
GEMINI MAN (VUDU 4K $8 OR HD $6 OR ITUNES 4K $4)
GENTLEMAN1-THE (ITUNES 4K) $8
GET HARD (MA)
GET OUT (SPLIT) (ITUNES 4K)
GHOSTBUSTERS 2 1989 (MA) $5
GHOST IN THE SHELL 2017 (SPLIT) VUDU OR ITUNES 4K)
GIRL ON THE TRAIN (SPLIT) VUDU OR ITUNES 4K)
GIRLS TRIP (SPLIT) (VUDU) OR (ITUNES)
GLASS (MA) $5
GOLD (SPLIT) (ITUNES)
GOLDFINCH-THE (MA) (SD) $2
GOOD BOYS (MA) $5
GOOD DINOSAUR-THE (GP $5)
GOOD LIAR-THE SD MA
GOONIES-THE 4K (MA) $7
GRAVITY (MA)
GREAT WALL-THE (SPLIT) VUDU OR ITUNES 4K)
GRETEL & HANSEL (VUDU) HD $8
GRINCH (2018) (MA) $6
GRINGO (AMAZON PRIME) $2
GROWN UPS 2 (MA)
GUNMAN-THE (SPLIT) (VUDU OR ITUNES)
HACKSAW RIDGE 4K (VUDU OR ITUNES) $7
HALLOWEEN (2018) (MA)
HANGOVER 2 (MA)
HAPPYTIME MURDERS (ITUNES)
HARRIET (MA) $9
HARRY POTTER & THE DEATHLY HALLOWS PT 2 (#7) (MA)
HEAT-THE (2013) (SPLIT) (VUDU OR ITUNES)
HEAVEN IS FOR REAL (MA HD $4 OR SD $2)
HIDDEN FIGURES (VUDU OR ITUNES 4K)
HIGH NOTE (MA) $8
HOBBIT-THE : AN UNEXPECTED JOURNEY (MA) $5
HOCUS POCUS (GP) $3
HOLMES & WATSON (MA) $5
HOME ALONE 2 (MA)
HONEST THIEF (MA) $9
HOSTILES (4K) (VUDU OR ITUNES) $5
HOT TUB TIME MACHINE (MA)
HOUSE-THE (MA)
HOW TO TRAIN YOUR DRAGON 1 (VUDU OR ITUNES )
HOW TO TRAIN YOUR DRAGON 1-3 (MA) $14
HOW TO TRAIN YOUR DRAGON 2 (MA)
HOW TO TRAIN YOUR DRAGON 3 (MA) $6
HUNGER GAMES (2012) (SPLIT) (VUDU OR ITUNES)
HUNGER GAMES: CATCHING FIRE (2013) (SPLIT) (VUDU OR ITUNES 4K)
HUNGER GAMES: MOCKING JAY PART 1 (2014) (SPLIT) (VUDU OR ITUNES 4K)
HUNGER GAMES: MOCKING JAY PART 2 (2015) (SPLIT) (VUDU OR ITUNES 4K)
HUNT-THE (MA) $8
HUNTSMAN-THE WINTERS WAR EXT (SPLIT) (VUDU HD OR ITUNES 4K)
HUSTLE-THE (ITUNES)
HUSTLERS (ITUNES)
IDENTITY THIEF (VD OR ITUNES)
I FEEL PRETTY (ITUNES)
I SEE YOU (SPLIT) (VUDU $6 OR ITUNES $4)
I STILL BELIEVE (VUDU OR ITUNES 4K) $6
I STILL SEE YOU (VUDU)
IF BEALE STREET COULD TALK (MA)
INCREDIBLES 2 (SPLIT) GP $6)
INCREDIBLES-THE (SPLIT) GP $6
INDEPENDENCE DAY: RESURGENCE (MA OR 4K VIA FOX) $5
INSIDE OUT (GP $5)
INSIDIOUS: THE LAST KEY (SD)(MA)
INSTANT FAMILY (SPLIT) (VUDU OR ITUNES 4K)
INVISIBLE MAN (MA) 4K $9 OR HD $7
IRONMAN (SPLIT) (MA/ITUNES 4K $8 OR GP $6)
IRONMAN 2 (MA/ITUNES 4K $8 OR MA HD/ITUNES 4K $7 OR GP $6)
IRON MAN 3 (MA4K/ITUNES 4K $8 OR GP $6)
IRON MASK (VUDU OR ITUNES) $7
IRRESISTIBLE (MA) $10
JACK REACHER N.G.B (SPLIT) VUDU OR ITUNES 4K)
JAMES BOND: THE DANIEL CRAIG COLLECTION (4 FILM BUNDLE) (VD HD $15)
JASON BOURNE : BOURNE IDENTITY (MA) 4K (2002) $8
JASON BOURNE : BOURNE SUPREMACY (MA) 4K (2004) $8
JASON BOURNE : BOURNE ULTIMATUM (MA) 4K (2007) $8
JASON BOURNE : BOURNE LEGACY (MA) 4K (2012) $8
JASON BOURNE (SPLIT) VUDU 4K $8 OR VD HD $4 OR ITUNES 4K $2 (2016)
JEXI (VUDU OR ITUNES 4K) $6
JIU JITSU (VUDU OR ITUNES) ($7)
JOHN HENRY (2020) (VUDU $4 OR ITUNES $2)
JOHN WICK 1 & 2 (VUDU) $10
JOHN WICK 3 4K (VUDU/ITUNES/GP) $10
JOKER (MA 4K $7 OR HDX $5)
JOY (VUDU OR ITUNES 4K) $5
JUMANJI: WELCOME TO THE JUNGLE (MA) (SD)
JUNGLE BOOK-THE (2016) (GP $6)
JURASSIC PARK (1993) (MA/VD)
JURASSIC PARK: THE LOST WORLD (1997) (MA)
JURASSIC WORLD (2015) (SPLIT) (VD OR ITUNES 4K)
JUSTICE LEAGUE (MA) $5
JUST MERCY (MA) $8
KIDNAP (SPLIT) VUDU OR ITUNES)
KILLERMAN (VUDU $5 OR ITUNES $4)
KING ARTHUR: LEGEND OF THE SWORD (MA)
KING KONG 4K (2005) (MA) $8
KING OF STATEN ISLAND (MA) $8
KINGSMAN-GOLDEN CIRCLE (MA OR ITUNES 4K)
KITCHEN-THE (MA SD $4)
KNICK-THE (S1) (SPLIT) (VUDU $8 OR ITUNES $7)
KNIVES OUT 4K (VUDU OR ITUNES) $8
KNOCK KNOCK (VUDU OR ITUNES)
KRAMPUS (VD)
LAST STAND-THE (SPLIT) (VUDU OR ITUNES)
LAST WITCH HUNTER-THE (VD)
LEGEND OF TARZAN-THE (MA)
LEGION-THE (VUDU OR ITUNES) $6
LEGO DC SHAZAM!: MAGIC & MONSTERS (MA) $6
LEGO MOVIE 4K (2014) (MA) $6 OR VD HD $4
LEGO NINJAGO MOVIE-THE (MA) $5
LIFE (2017) (MA)
LIGHT OF MY LIFE (SPLIT) (VUDU $6 OR ITUNES $4)
LIKE A BOSS (VUDU OR ITUNES 4K) $8
LITTLE (MA) $5
LIVE BY NIGHT (MA)
LOGAN (VUDU OR ITUNES)
LOGAN LUCKY (SPLIT) VUDU OR ITUNES 4K)
LONE SURVIVOR (SPLIT) (VUDU OR ITUNES 4K)
LORAX-THE (SPLIT) (VD OR ITUNES)
LUCKY DAY (VUDU OR ITUNES 4K) $6
MAGIC MIKE (MA)
MAMMA MIA-HERE WE GO AGAIN (MA)
MAN OF STEEL (MA)
MEGAN LEAVEY (SPLIT) VUDU OR ITUNES)
MADAGASCAR 3 (🍏)
M:I (SPLIT) (VUDU HD $4 OR ITUNES 4K $4)
M:I #2 (SPLIT) (VUDU HD $4 OR ITUNES 4K $4)
M:I #3 (SPLIT) (ITUNES 4K $4)
M:I #4 (SPLIT) (VUDU HD $4 OR ITUNES 4K $4)
M:I #5 (SPLIT) (VUDU HD $4 OR ITUNES 4K $4)
M:I-6 FALLOUT (SPLIT) (VUDU 4K $5 OR VUDU HD $4 OR ITUNES 4K $4)
MILE 22 (ITUNES 4K) $2.50
MISS PEREGRINE'S H.F.P.C (VUDU OR ITUNES 4K)
MOANA (MA $4 OR GP $3)
MOB TOWN (VUDU OR ITUNES) $4
MOLLY'S GAME (ITUNES)
MONSTERS UNIVERSITY (GP $5)
MONSTERS, INC.(SPLIT) (MA HD OR ITUNES 4K $7)
MORTAL ENGINES (MA) $5
MOTHER (SPLIT) VUDU 4K $5 OR VUDU HD $2 OR ITUNES 4K $2)
MOTHERLESS BROOKLYN (SD) MA $4
MOUNTAIN BETWEEN US (MA OR ITUNES 4K VIA FOX WEBSITE)
MUD (VUDU)
MULAN 1998 (MA 4K $7 OR GP $6)
MULAN (2020) (SPLIT) (MA $7 OR GP $5)
MUMMY-THE 1999 (SPLIT) (VUDU OR ITUNES 4K)
MUMMY RETURNS-THE 2001 (SPLIT) (VUDU OR ITUNES 4K)
MUMMY-THE: TOMB OF THE DRAGON EMPEROR (2008) (SPLIT) (VUDU OR ITUNES 4K)
MUMMY-THE 2017 (SPLIT) (VUDU OR ITUNES 4K)
MURDER ON ORIENT EXPRESS (MA)
NEW MUTANTS (SPLIT) (MA $6 OR GP $5)
NEW YEARS EVE (2011) MA
NIGHT BEFORE-THE (MA)
NIGHT HUNTER (VUDU $5 OR ITUNES $4)
NIGHT SCHOOL EXTENDED CUT (MA)
NOBODY'S FOOL (SPLIT) (VUDU $4 OR ITUNES $3)
NOCTURNAL ANIMALS (SPLIT) (VUDU OR ITUNES)
NON-STOP (SPLIT) (VUDU OR ITUNES)
NOW YOU SEE ME (SPLIT) (VUDU OR ITUNES 4K)
NOW YOU SEE ME 1&2 (VUDU) $8
NUT JOB 2 NUTTY BY NATURE (SPLIT) VUDU OR ITUNES)
OCEANS 8 (4K) (MA) $7
OFFICE X-MAS PARTY (SPLIT) VUDU OR ITUNES 4K)
OFFICIAL SECRETS (SPLIT) (VUDU OR ITUNES)
OTHER WOMAN-THE (MA)
ONLY THE BRAVE (MA) HD$4 OR SD$2
ONWARD (SPLIT) MA 4K $8 OR GP $5
OVERLORD (SPLIT) VUDU 4K $6 OR VUDU HDX/ITUNES 4K $4
OZ THE GREAT & POWERFUL (GP) $5
PACIFIC RIM (MA/VD) $5
PAIN & GAIN (SPLIT) (VUDU OR ITUNES)
PARENTAL GUIDANCE (MA) $5
PATERNO (VUDU OR ITUNES)
PATRIOTS DAY 2017 (SPLIT) (VUDU OR ITUNES 4K)
PEANUT BUTTER FALCON-THE (VUDU OR ITUNES) $8
PEPPERMINT (ITUNES) $2
PERKS OF BEING A WALLFLOWER-THE (VUDU)
PET CEMETERY 2019 (SPLIT) (VUDU 4K $7 VUDU $5 OR $4 ITUNES 4K)
PETERPAN 1953 (GP) $6
PHOENIX FORGOTTEN (VUDU OR ITUNES)
PHOTOGRAPH-THE (MA) $8
PIRATE FAIRY (SPLIT) (MA $7 OR GP $6)
PIRATES O.T.C DMTNT GP $2
PITCH PERFECT 2 (MA/VUDU)
PLANES (GP) $5
PLAYING WITH FIRE (VUDU $5 OR ITUNES $4)
POCAHONTAS 2 (SPLIT) (MA$7 OR GP $6)
POST-THE (MA)
PREDATOR-THE (2018) (MA)
PURGE ELECTION YEAR-THE (SPLIT) (VUDU OR ITUNES 4K)
QUARRY-THE (VUDU OR ITUNES) $7
QUIET PLACE-A (SPLIT) VUDU OR ITUNES 4K)
RACE (2016) (VUDU OR ITUNES)
RALPH BREAKS THE INTERNET (SPLIT) (GP$4)
RAMBO LAST BLOOD 4K (VUDU OR ITUNES) $8
RAMPAGE (MA) HD
READY PLAYER ONE (MA)
RICHARD JEWELL SD (MA) $5
RIDE LIKE A GIRL (VUDU OR ITUNES) $8
RINGS (SPLIT) (ITUNES)
RIOT (2016) (VUDU OR ITUNES)
ROBIN HOOD 2018 (VUDU OR ITUNES) $6
ROBOCOP (2014) (VUDU OR ITUNES)
ROCKETMAN (VUDU OR ITUNES 4K)
ROUGE (VUDU OR ITUNES 4K) $7
ROUGE WARFARE (VUDU $6 OR ITUNES $4)
RUN THE RACE (MA) $5
RUSH 2013 (VUDU) $5
RUSSELL MADNESS (MA)
RHYTHM SECTION-THE (VUDU OR ITUNES 4K) $7
SAME KIND OF DIFFERENT AS ME (SPLIT) (ITUNES)
SCARY STORIES TO TELL IN THE DARK 4K (VUDU OR ITUNES) $8
SCOOB! (MA 4K $10)
SECOND ACT (ITUNES)
SECRET: DARE TO DREAM-THE (VUDU OR ITUNES) $8
SECRET GARDEN-THE (ITUNES 4K) $7
SECRET LIFE OF WALTER MITTY-THE (MA)
SERENITY 2019 (MA) $5
SHAFT (2019) (VUDU) $5
SHALLOWS-THE (MA) $5
SHERLOCK HOLMES (2009) MA/VD
SHERLOCK HOLMES (2011) MA/VD
SICARIO 4K (VUDU OR ITUNES) $6
SILENCING-THE (VD OR ITUNE5 4K) $7
SILVER LININGS PLAYBOOK (ITUNES)
SING (VUDU) OR (ITUNES 4K*PORTS IN 4K)
SKYSCRAPER (MA)
SLEEPING BEAUTY 1959 (SPLIT) (GP $6)
SLEEPLESS (SPLIT) (VD OR ITUNES)
SNATCHED (SPLIT) VUDU OR ITUNES 4K)
SNOWMAN-THE (2017) (MA) $7
SNOW WHITE & THE 7 DWARFS (1937) (SPLIT) (MA OR ITUNES $7) OR GP $6
SOLO:A STAR WARS STORY (GP) $6
SONIC THE HEDGEHOG (VUDU 4K $9 OR VUDU OR ITUNES 4K $7
SON OF GOD (MA)
SPACE JAM (1996) (MA) $7
SPARE PART 2015 (VUDU)
SPELL (VD HD OR ITUNES 4K) $8
SPIDERMAN 3 (2007) (MA)
SPIES IN DISGUISE (SPLIT) (GP $6)
SPLIT (2017) (SPLIT) (ITUNES 4K)
STAR TREK BEYOND (SPLIT) VUDU OR ITUNES 4K)
STAR TREK INTO DARKNESS (SPLIT) (VUDU OR ITUNES 4K)
STAR WARS #7 THE FORCE AWAKENS (SPLIT) (GP $6)
STAR WARS #8 THE LAST JEDI (SPLIT) (GP $6)
STAR WARS #9 RISE OF SKYWALKER (SPLIT) (MA 4K $7 GP $6)
STAR WARS ROUGE ONE (SPLIT) (GP $6)
STRANGERS PREY AT NIGHT (MA)
SUICIDE SQUAD (MA) $5
SUPERMAN MAN OF TOMMOROW (MA) $7
SUPERMAN RED SON (MA) $7
SWING OF THINGS (VUDU OR ITUNES) $7
TAMMY (MA)
TANGLED (GP) $6
TED 2 UNRATED (SPLIT) (VD OR ITUNES)
TENET (MA 4K $10 OR HD $8)
TERMINATOR DARK FATE (VUDU 4K $7 OR VUDU $5 OR ITUNES 4K $4)
THAT AKWARD MOMENT (MA) $7
THE 33 (MA)
THE INTERVIEW (2014) (MA)
THOR #1 (SPLIT) MA/ITUNES 4K $8 OR GP $5)
THOR RAGNAROK (SPLIT) MA HD OR ITUNES 4K $7 OR GP $4
THREE BILLBOARDS OUTSIDE OF E.M (MA)
TOTAL RECALL 4K (1990) (VUDU OR ITUNES) $7
TOY STORY 4 (SPLIT) MA/ITUNES 4K $8 OR MA HD $6 OR GP HD $5
TRANSCENDENCE (VD)
TRANSFORMERS (#5) (SPLIT) (ITUNES 4K)
TROLLS (MA)
TROLLS 1 & 2 (MA) $12
TROLLS WORLD TOUR (MA) $8
TRUE DETECTIVE S3 (SPLIT) (VUDU $5 OR ITUNES $4)
TURNING-THE (MA) $8
TYLER'S PERRY'S A MEADA CHRISTMAS (VUDU)
TYLER PERRY'S MADEA'S WITNESS PROTECTION (VUDU)
TYLER PERRY'S TEMPTATION: CONFESSION OF A MARRIAGE COUNSELOR (VUDU)
UNBROKEN (2014) (SPLIT) (VUDU OR ITUNES)
UNBROKEN: PATH TO REDEEMTION (MA) $5
UNCUT GEMS (VUDU OR ITUNES) $5
UNCUT GEMS (VUDU) $8
UNDERWATER (MA) $8
UNFRIENDED:DARK WEB (MA) $8
UNHINGED (VD) $7
UPSIDE-THE (ITUNES)
US (MA)
VANISHED-THE (VUDU OR ITUNES) $6
VICE (MA)
WALL-E: (GP $6)
WAR DOGS (2016) (MA)
WAR FOR THE PLANET OF THE APES(SPLIT) VUDU OR ITUNES 4K)
WATCHMEN S1 (VUDU) $10
WAY BACK-THE (MA) $7
WHAT MEN WANT (SPLIT) VUDU $4 OR ITUNES $3)
WHY HIM (SPLIT) VUDU OR ITUNES 4K)
WIDOWS (MA) ($4)
WOLF OF SNOW HOLLOW (VD) SD $7
WONDER PARK (SPLIT) (VUDU OR ITUNES)
WONDER WOMAN (MA)
WORLD WAR Z (SPLIT) (VUDU OR ITUNES)
XXX R. O Xander CAGE (VUDU OR ITUNES 4K)
YOUNG MESSIAH-THE (MA)
PAYMENTS ACCEPTED
+PAYPAL FRIENDS & FAMILY +CASH APP +VENMO +GOOGLE PAY +APPLE PAY
SECONDARY LIST BELOW
https://docs.google.com/document/d/1cZ9CqHTNJ14wo7H80BkSi4nTZHOf-4eBxnCtJjYAk48/edit?usp=drivesdk

(SELLING) FREAKY + GREENLAND 4K + LOVE WEDDINGS & OTHER DISASTERS + BREACH + JU JITSU + TENET 4K + ECHO BOOMERS + WOLF OF SNOW HOLLOW + IRON MASK + NEW MUTANTS + UNHINGED + ANTEBELLUM 4K + MULAN ++ MANY MORE. ALSO CHECK OUT MY SECONDARY LIST. LINK AT BOTTOM OF MY PRIMARY LIST. THANKS FOR LOOKING ;-)

All codes are HD unless listed otherwise.
All codes are $4 Each unless price listed.
10 MINUTES GONE (VUDU OR ITUNES 4K)
101 DALMATIANS (GP) $6
12 STRONG (MA)
13 HOURS: THE SECRET SOLDIERS OF BENGHAZI VUDU HD $4
1917 (MA) $6
21 BRIDGES (ITUNES 4K) $6
3 FROM HELL (VUDU OR ITUNES)
300 RISE OF AN EMPIRE (MA)
3022 (SPLIT) (VUDU $6 OR ITUNES $4)
ACTION POINT (SPLIT) ITUNES $3
ADAM'S FAMILY (ITUNES 4K) $8
ADRIFT (ITUNES)
ADVENTURES OF TIN TIN-THE (SPLIT) (VUDU OR ITUNES)
ALADDIN 2019 (MA 4K $8)
ALIEN (1979) MA 4K ($5)
ALIEN COVENANT (VUDU OR ITUNES 4K PORTS)
ALMOST CHRISTMAS (SPLIT) VUDU OR ITUNES)
AMERICAN MADE (MA) $5
AMERICAN REUNION (UNDATED) (2012) (SPLIT) VUDU OR ITUNES
AMERICAN SNIPER (MA) $5
A MILLION WAYS TO DIE IN THE WEST (UNRATED) (VUDU OR ITUNES)
ANGEL HAS FALLEN 4K (VUDU OR ITUNES) $8
ANNIE (2014) (MA) (SD)
ANNIHILATION (SPLIT) VUDU OR ITUNES 4K)
ANTEBELLUM 4K (VUDU OR ITUNES) $10
APPARITION-THE (MA) 2012
AQUAMAN (MA) $5
AGRO (MA/VUDU)
ARRIVAL (SPLIT) VUDU OR ITUNES 4K
ART OF RACING IN THE RAIN-THE (MA) $7
ATOMIC BLONDE (SPLIT) VUDU 4K $6 OR VUDU HD $4 OR ITUNES 4K $4)
AVENGERS ENDGAME (SPLIT) MA(HD)/ITUNES 4K $7 OR (GP $5)
AVENGERS I.W (SPLIT) (MA $6 OR GP $5)
ARKANSAS (VUDU OR ITUNES) $5
BACK TO THE FUTURE 3-MOVIE (MA/HD) 10.25
BACK TO THE FUTURE 3-MOVIE (MA/4K) $15
BACKDRAFT 2 (MA)
BAD MOMS CHRISTMAS-A (ITUNES)
BAD TIMES AT THE EL ROYAL (MA) $5
BALLERS S2 (SPLIT) (ITUNES)
BALLERS S3 (SPLIT) (VUDU OR ITUNES)
BARBER SHOP THE NEXT CUT (VUDU)
BATMAN HUSH (MA) $5
BATMAN: SOUL OF THE DRAGON (MA) $8
BATMAN V. SUPERMAN: DAWN OF JUSTICE (MA)
BAYWATCH (SPLIT) (VUDU 4K $5 OR VD HD $4 OR ITUNES 4K $4)
BEAUTY & THE BEAST (LIVE) (SPLIT) MA $4 OR GP $2
BEGUILED (MA)
BEST OF ENEMIES-THE (ITUNES)
BIG WEDDING-THE (VUDU)
BILL & TED FACE THE MUSIC (VD $$6.50)
BIRDS OF PREY (MA) 4K $9 OR HD $7
BLACK CHRISTMAS (MA) $7
BLACK PANTHER (SPLIT) (MA(HD)/🍏4K $7 OR GP $6)
BLINDED BY THE LIGHT (SD) (MA) $2
BLOODSHOT (MA) $8
BODY CAM (VUDU OR ITUNES 4K) $7
BOOK CLUB (ITUNES 4K) $2
BOSS BABY-THE (MA)
BOY 2-THE (ITUNES 4K) $6.50
BOYHOOD (VUDU OR ITUNES)
BRAVE (SPLIT) (MA $7 OR GP $6)
BREACH (VD OR ITUNES) $9
BREAKING IN (MA)
BREAKTHROUGH (MA) $6
BREACH (VUDU OR ITUNES) $10
BRIDESMAIDS (VUDU OR ITUNES)
BUDDY GAMES (VUDU OR ITUNES) $8
BUGS LIFE-A (SPLIT) (MA $7 OR GP $6)
BUMBLEBEE (SPLIT) (VUDU 4K $6 OR VUDU $4 OR ITUNES 4K) $2
BUTTONS A CHRISTMAS TALE (SPLIT) VUDU OR ITUNES
BYE BYE MAN (UNRATED) (SPLIT) (ITUNES)
CALL OF THE WILD (SPLIT) (MA) 4K $9, HD $6 OR GP $3)
CAPTAIN MARVEL (GP $5)
CAPTAIN UNDERPANTS FIRST EPIC MOVIE (MA)
CARS 3 (NP) (MA(HD)/ITUNES 4K$6 OR GP $5)
CATS & DOGS 3 :PAWS UNITE (MA) $8
CASINO 4K 1995 (MA) $8
CHRISTOPHER ROBIN (2018) SPLIT (MA $7) OR GP $5
COMING TO AMERICA 4K (ITUNES) $7
CONJURING-THE (MA)
CORRUPTED-THE (VUDU $5 OR ITUNES) $4
COUNTDOWN (ITUNES 4K) $5
COURT JESTER (1956) (SPLIT) (VUDU OR ITUNES) $5
CRAFT-THE: LEGACY (MA) $8
CRAWL (SPLIT) (VUDU OR ITUNES 4K) $6
CREED 2 (VD) $5
CULT OF CHUCKY(UNRATED) (SPLIT) (ITUNES)
CURE FOR WELLNESS-A (SPLIT) VUDU OR ITUNES)
DADDY'S HOME 2 (SPLIT) VUDU 4K $6 OR VUDU HD $4 OR ITUNES 4K $3)
DALLAS BUYERS CLUB (VUDU OR ITUNES)
DARK KNIGHT RISES-THE (MA)
DEADWOOD THE MOVIE (VD) $5
DEATH WISH (VUDU)
DEEP WATER HORIZON (4K) (VUDU OR ITUNES) $6.50
DEN OF THIEVES (ITUNES)
DESPICABLE ME 3 (SPLIT) (VUDU OR ITUNES 4K)
DIVERGENT (2014) (VUDU)
DIVERGENT: ALLEGIANT SERIES (2016) (VUDU) $8
DIVERGENT: INSURGENT SERIES (2015) (VUDU) $8
DOCTOR SLEEP + DIRECTOR'S CUT (MA) $8
DOLPHIN TALE 2 (MA)
DOLITTLE (MA) $7
DOOM ANNIHILATION (MA) $5
DOORMAN-THE (VUDU OR ITUNES 4K) $7
DORA & THE LOST CITY OF GOLD (VUDU OR ITUNES 4K)
DO THE RIGHT THING 4K (MA) $6
DOWNSIZING (SPLIT) VUDU OR ITUNES 4K)
DUNKIRK (MA)
ECHO BOOMERS (VUDU OR ITUNES) $7
ESCAPE PLAN (2013) VUDU
EXPENDABLES 2 (2012) (VUDU OR ITUNES 4K)
FAHRENHEIT 451 (SPLIT) (ITUNES)
FANTASTIC BEAST & WHERE TO FIND THEM 4K (MA) (2016) $7
FAST & THE FURIOUS #1- (SPLIT) VUDU/MA)
FAST & THE FURIOUS #2- (SPLIT) (VUDU/MA)
FAST & THE FURIOUS #3- (SPLIT) (VUDU/MA)
FAST & THE FURIOUS #4- (SPLIT) ( VUDU/MA)
FAST & THE FURIOUS #5 - EXTENDED VERSION (SPLIT) (VUDU HD OR ITUNES HD)
FAST & THE FURIOUS #6 - EXTENDED VERSION (SPLIT) (VUDU HD OR ITUNES 4K)
FAST & THE FURIOUS #7 EXTENDED VERSION (SPLIT) (VUDU HD OR ITUNES 4K)
FAST & THE FURIOUS #8 - FATE OF THE FURIOUS EXTENDED VERSION (SPLIT) (VUDU HD OR ITUNES 4K
FAULT IN OUR STARS-THE (VD OR ITUNES 4K)
FIFTY SHADES DARKER UNRATED (SPLIT) (VUDU OR ITUNES 4K )
FIFTY SHADES OF GREY (SPLIT) (VUDU OR ITUNES 4K)
FINDING DORY (SPLIT) (MA(HD) OR ITUNES 4K $6) NP OR (GP $4)
FIRST MAN (MA) $6
FOCUS (2015) (MA)
FORCE OF NATURE (VUDU OR ITUNES 4K) $6
FOUR KIDS & IT (VD) $6
FOX & THE HOUND 2 (SPLIT) (GP$6)
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GAME OF THRONES S8 (SPLIT) (VUDU OR ITUNES) $8
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GEMINI MAN (VUDU 4K $8 OR HD $6 OR ITUNES 4K $4)
GENTLEMAN1-THE (ITUNES 4K) $8
GET HARD (MA)
GET OUT (SPLIT) (ITUNES 4K)
GHOSTBUSTERS 2 1989 (MA) $5
GHOST IN THE SHELL 2017 (SPLIT) VUDU OR ITUNES 4K)
GIFTED (2017) (MA/VD OR ITUNES) $5
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GIRLS TRIP (SPLIT) (VUDU) OR (ITUNES)
GLASS (MA) $5
GOING IN STYLE (MA)
GOLD (SPLIT) (ITUNES)
GOLDFINCH-THE (MA) (SD) $2
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GOOD LIAR-THE SD MA
GOONIES-THE 4K (MA) $7
GREAT WALL-THE (SPLIT) VUDU OR ITUNES 4K)
GREENLAND ITUNES 4K ($13)
GRETEL & HANSEL (VUDU) HD $8
GREY-THE (VUDU OR ITUNES)
GRINCH (2018) (MA) $6
GRINGO (AMAZON PRIME) $2
GROWN UPS 2 (MA)
GUNMAN-THE (SPLIT) (VUDU OR ITUNES)
HACKSAW RIDGE 4K (VUDU OR ITUNES) $7
HALLOWEEN (2018) (MA)
HANGOVER 2 (MA)
HAPPYTIME MURDERS (ITUNES)
HARRIET (MA) $9
HARRY POTTER & THE DEATHLY HALLOWS PT 2 (#7) (MA)
HEAT-THE (2013) (SPLIT) (VUDU OR ITUNES)
HEAVEN IS FOR REAL (MA HD $4 OR SD $2)
HIDDEN FIGURES (VUDU OR ITUNES 4K)
HIGH NOTE (MA) $8
HOBBIT-THE : AN UNEXPECTED JOURNEY (MA) $5
HOCUS POCUS (GP) $3
HOLMES & WATSON (MA) $5
HOME ALONE 2 (MA)
HONEST THIEF (MA) $9
HOSTILES (VUDU OR ITUNES) $5
HOT TUB TIME MACHINE (MA)
HOUSE-THE (MA)
HOW THE GRINCH STOLE X-MAS 2000 (MA 4K) $7
HOW TO TRAIN YOUR DRAGON 1 (ITUNES )
HOW TO TRAIN YOUR DRAGON 1-3 (MA) $14
HOW TO TRAIN YOUR DRAGON 2 (MA)
HOW TO TRAIN YOUR DRAGON 3 (MA) $6
HUNGER GAMES (2012) (SPLIT) (VUDU OR ITUNES)
HUNGER GAMES: CATCHING FIRE (2013) (VUDU)
HUNGER GAMES: MOCKING JAY PART 1 (2014) (VUDU)
HUNGER GAMES: MOCKING JAY PART 2 (2015) (VUDU)
HUNT-THE (MA) $8
HUNTSMAN-THE WINTERS WAR EXT( ITUNES 4K)
HUSTLE-THE (ITUNES)
HUSTLERS (ITUNES)
ICE AGE DAWN OF THE DINOSAURS (2009) (MA/VUDU/ITUNES)
ICE AGE A MAMMOTH CHRISTMAS SPECIAL (MA/VUDU)
IDENTITY THIEF (VD OR ITUNES)
I FEEL PRETTY (ITUNES)
I SEE YOU (SPLIT) (VUDU $6 OR ITUNES $4)
I STILL BELIEVE (VUDU OR ITUNES 4K) $6
I STILL SEE YOU (VUDU)
IF BEALE STREET COULD TALK (MA)
INCREDIBLES 2 (SPLIT) GP $6)
INCREDIBLES-THE (SPLIT) GP $6
INDEPENDENCE DAY: RESURGENCE (MA OR 4K VIA FOX) $5
INSIDE OUT (GP $5)
INSIDIOUS: THE LAST KEY (SD)(MA)
INSTANT FAMILY (SPLIT) (VUDU OR ITUNES 4K)
INTERSTELLAR (VUDU)
INVISIBLE MAN (MA) 4K $9 OR HD $7
IRONMAN (SPLIT) (MA/ITUNES 4K $8 OR GP $6)
IRONMAN 2 (MA/ITUNES 4K $8 OR MA HD/ITUNES 4K $7 OR GP $6)
IRON MAN 3 (MA4K/ITUNES 4K $8 OR GP $6)
IRON MASK (VUDU OR ITUNES) $7
JACK REACHER N.G.B (SPLIT) VUDU OR ITUNES 4K)
JAMES BOND: THE DANIEL CRAIG COLLECTION (4 FILM BUNDLE) (VD HD $15)
JASON BOURNE : BOURNE IDENTITY (MA) 4K (2002) $8
JASON BOURNE : BOURNE SUPREMACY (MA) 4K (2004) $8
JASON BOURNE : BOURNE ULTIMATUM (MA) 4K (2007) $8
JASON BOURNE : BOURNE LEGACY (MA) 4K (2012) $8
JASON BOURNE (SPLIT) VUDU 4K $8 OR VD HD $4 OR ITUNES 4K $2 (2016)
JAWS 1975 (MA 4K) $7
JEXI (VUDU OR ITUNES 4K) $6
JIU JITSU (VUDU OR ITUNES) ($7)
JOHN HENRY (2020) (VUDU $4 OR ITUNES $2)
JOHN WICK 1 & 2 (VUDU) $10
JOHN WICK 3 4K (VUDU/ITUNES/GP) $10
JOKER (MA 4K $7 OR HDX $5)
JOY (VUDU OR ITUNES 4K) $5
JUDGE-THE (2014) (MA)
JUMANJI: WELCOME TO THE JUNGLE (MA) (SD)
JUNGLE BOOK-THE (2016) (GP $6)
JURASSIC PARK (1993) (MA/VD)
JURASSIC WORLD (2015) (SPLIT) (VD OR ITUNES 4K)
JUSTICE LEAGUE (MA) $5
JUSTICE LEAGUE DARK: APOKOLIPS WAR (MA) $7
JUST MERCY (MA) $8
KICK ASS (VUDU 4K)
KIDNAP (SPLIT) VUDU OR ITUNES)
KILLERMAN (VUDU $5 OR ITUNES $4)
KING ARTHUR: LEGEND OF THE SWORD (MA)
KING OF STATEN ISLAND (MA) $8
KINGSMAN-GOLDEN CIRCLE (MA OR ITUNES 4K)
KITCHEN-THE (2019) (MA HD $4 OR SD $2)
KNICK-THE (S1) (SPLIT) (VUDU $8 OR ITUNES $7)
KNIVES OUT 4K (VUDU OR ITUNES) $8
KNOCK KNOCK (VUDU OR ITUNES)
LAST STAND-THE (SPLIT) (VUDU OR ITUNES)
LAST WITCH HUNTER-THE (VD)
LEGEND OF TARZAN-THE (MA)
LEGION-THE (VUDU OR ITUNES) $6
LEGO DC SHAZAM!: MAGIC & MONSTERS (MA) $6
LEGO MOVIE 4K (2014) (MA) $6 OR VD HD $4
LEGO NINJAGO MOVIE-THE (MA) $5
LIFE (2017) (MA)
LIGHT OF MY LIFE (SPLIT) (VUDU $6 OR ITUNES $4)
LIKE A BOSS (VUDU OR ITUNES 4K) $8
LIVE BY NIGHT (MA)
LOGAN (VUDU OR ITUNES 4K)
LOGAN LUCKY (SPLIT) VUDU OR ITUNES 4K)
LONE SURVIVOR (VUDU)
LONG SHOT (VUDU OR ITUNES 4K) $5
LORAX-THE (SPLIT) (VD OR ITUNES)
LOVE WEDDINGS & OTHER DISASTERS (MA) $7
LUCKY DAY (VUDU OR ITUNES 4K) $6
LUCY (SPLIT) VUDU HD $4 OR ITUNES 4K $5
MAGIC MIKE (MA)
MAMMA MIA-HERE WE GO AGAIN (MA)
MAN OF STEEL (MA)
MEGAN LEAVEY (SPLIT) VUDU OR ITUNES)
MADAGASCAR 3 (🍏)
M:I-6 FALLOUT (SPLIT) (VUDU 4K $5 OR VUDU HD $4 OR ITUNES 4K $4)
MIKE & DAVE NEED WEDDING DATES (VUDU OR ITUNES 4K)
MILE 22 (ITUNES 4K) $2.50
MISS PEREGRINE'S H.F.P.C (VUDU OR ITUNES 4K)
MOANA (MA $4 OR GP $3)
MOB TOWN (VUDU OR ITUNES) $4
MONSTERS UNIVERSITY (GP $5)
MONSTERS, INC.(SPLIT) (MA HD OR ITUNES 4K $7)
MORTAL ENGINES (MA) $5
MOTHER (SPLIT) VUDU 4K $5 OR VUDU HD $2 OR ITUNES 4K $2)
MOTHERLESS BROOKLYN (SD) MA $4
MOUNTAIN BETWEEN US (MA OR ITUNES 4K VIA FOX WEBSITE)
MUD (VUDU)
MULAN 1998 (MA 4K $7 OR GP $5)
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MUMMY-THE 1999 (SPLIT) (VUDU OR ITUNES 4K)
MUMMY RETURNS-THE 2001 (SPLIT) (VUDU OR ITUNES 4K)
MUMMY-THE: TOMB OF THE DRAGON EMPEROR (2008) (SPLIT) (VUDU OR ITUNES 4K)
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NOW YOU SEE ME 1&2 (VUDU) $8
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OBLIVION (SPLIT) (VUDU HD $4 OR ITUNES 4K $6)
OCEANS 8 (4K) (MA) $7
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OFFICIAL SECRETS (SPLIT) (VUDU OR ITUNES)
ONLY THE BRAVE (MA) HD$4 OR SD$2
ONWARD (SPLIT) MA 4K $8 OR GP $5
OVERLORD (SPLIT) VUDU 4K $6 OR VUDU HDX/ITUNES 4K $4
OZ THE GREAT & POWERFUL (GP) $5
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PARENTAL GUIDANCE (MA) $5
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PATRIOTS DAY 2017 (VUDU)
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PEPPERMINT (ITUNES) $2
PERKS OF BEING A WALLFLOWER-THE (VUDU)
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RIOT (2016) (VUDU OR ITUNES)
ROBIN HOOD 2018 (VUDU OR ITUNES) $6
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ROUGE (VUDU OR ITUNES 4K) $7
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SAME KIND OF DIFFERENT AS ME (SPLIT) (ITUNES)
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SING (VUDU) OR (ITUNES 4K*PORTS IN 4K)
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SNOWMAN-THE (2017) (MA) $7
SNOW WHITE & THE 7 DWARFS (1937) (SPLIT) (MA OR ITUNES $7) OR GP $6
SOLO:A STAR WARS STORY (GP) $6
SONIC THE HEDGEHOG (VUDU 4K $9 OR VUDU OR ITUNES 4K $7
SON OF GOD (MA)
SPARE PART 2015 (VUDU)
SPARTACUS (1960) (MA 4K) $6
SPELL (VUDU OR ITUNES 4K) $8
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STAR TREK INTO DARKNESS (VUDU)
STAR WARS #7 THE FORCE AWAKENS (SPLIT) (MA-HD/ITUNES 4K $8 OR GP $6)
STAR WARS #8 THE LAST JEDI (SPLIT) (GP $6)
STAR WARS #9 RISE OF SKYWALKER (SPLIT) (MA 4K $7)
STAR WARS ROUGE ONE (SPLIT) (GP $6)
STRANGERS PREY AT NIGHT (MA)
SUICIDE SQUAD (MA) $5
SUPERMAN MAN OF TOMMOROW (MA) $7
SUPERMAN RED SON (MA) $7
SWING OF THINGS (VUDU OR ITUNES) $7
TAMMY (MA)
TANGLED (GP) $6
TED 2 UNRATED (SPLIT) (VD OR ITUNES)
TENET (MA 4K $10 OR HD $8)
TERMINATOR DARK FATE (VUDU 4K $7 OR VUDU $5 OR ITUNES 4K $4)
THAT AKWARD MOMENT (MA) $7
THE 33 (MA)
THOR #1 (SPLIT) MA/ITUNES 4K $8 OR GP $5)
THOR RAGNAROK (SPLIT) MA HD OR ITUNES 4K $7 OR GP $4
THREE BILLBOARDS OUTSIDE OF E.M (MA)
TITANIC (SPLIT) (VUDU OR ITUNES) $5
TOTAL RECALL 4K (1990) (VUDU OR ITUNES) $7
TOY STORY 4 (SPLIT) MA/ITUNES 4K $8 OR MA HD $6 OR GP HD $5
TRANSCENDENCE (VD)
TRANSFORMERS (#5) THE LAST KNIGHT (SPLIT) (VD 4K $6 OR VD HD $4 OR ITUNES 4K $4)
TROLLS (MA)
TROLLS 1 & 2 (MA) $12
TROLLS WORLD TOUR (MA) $8
TRUE DETECTIVE S3 (SPLIT) (VUDU $5 OR ITUNES $4)
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TYLER'S PERRY'S A MEADA CHRISTMAS (VUDU)
TYLER PERRY'S MADEA'S WITNESS PROTECTION (VUDU)
TYLER PERRY'S TEMPTATION: CONFESSION OF A MARRIAGE COUNSELOR (VUDU)
UNBROKEN (2014) (SPLIT) (VUDU OR ITUNES)
UNCUT GEMS (VUDU OR ITUNES) $5
UNCUT GEMS (VUDU) $8
UNDERWATER (MA) $8
UNFRIENDED:DARK WEB (MA) $8
UNHINGED (VD) $7
UPSIDE-THE (ITUNES)
US (MA)
VANISHED-THE (VUDU OR ITUNES) $6
VICE (MA)
WANDER DARKLEY (VD OR ITUNES) $10
WAR FOR THE PLANET OF THE APES(SPLIT) VUDU OR ITUNES 4K)
WATCHMEN S1 (VUDU) $10
WAY BACK-THE (MA) $7
WHAT MEN WANT (SPLIT) VUDU $4 OR ITUNES $3)
WHY HIM (SPLIT) VUDU OR ITUNES 4K)
WIDOWS (MA) ($4)
WITCH-THE (VUDU OR ITUNES)
WOLF OF SNOW HOLLOW (VD) HD $9 OR SD $7
WONDER PARK (SPLIT) (VUDU OR ITUNES)
WONDER WOMAN (MA)
WORLD WAR Z (SPLIT) (VUDU OR ITUNES)
XXX R. O Xander CAGE (VUDU OR ITUNES 4K)
YOUNG MESSIAH-THE (MA)
PAYMENTS ACCEPTED
+PAYPAL FRIENDS & FAMILY +CASH APP +VENMO +GOOGLE PAY +APPLE PAY
SECONDARY LIST BELOW
https://docs.google.com/document/d/1cZ9CqHTNJ14wo7H80BkSi4nTZHOf-4eBxnCtJjYAk48/edit?usp=drivesdk

Matched Betting Extra Place Horse Racing - January 21 Profits - £4,707 on top of Full Time Job

OBLIGATORY FILLER MATERIAL – Giving thanks edition: Kickin’ around Caracas, Pt. 5

Continuing… (It's Part 6 in the saga, I fucked up. Sorry.)
So, after a few re-fueling and impromptu cigar-purchasing stops in South and Central America, we wheel up to the deserted jetway at LAX.
“Thought we were going to Elmendorf?” I asked.
“This isn’t it?” the pilot replied, feigning worry.
“No.”, I replied, “Looks like California. Fruits and nuts. All around. What’s going on? One minute we’re off to Texas, then Cali, then Texas again, now we end up here at the California airport of the iconic tower.”
“Yeah, it’s confusing enough haulin’ civilians around. But when we get a call from Virginia, we tend to comply without any questions,” the pilot explains.
“Aw, shit!”, I sort of exclaim, “Rack and Ruin called?”
“Yeah”, the pilot replies, “Figures you’d know these guys. They said they were closer to LAX rather than Texas and had us divert here. In fact, you look over there, see that dark blue Chevy? That’s them; and evidently, your ride.”
I tipped the airman from earlier a couple of cigars as he helped me with my gear off the plane and into the trunk of Rack and Ruin’s plain-Jane blue late modeled Chevy. Had to move the Sidewinder Missiles off to one side, though.
“Most honorable Agents Lack and Luin!” I quipped in my faux-racist greeting. “What the hell, guys? I’ve got to get to Japan and get some newly rigidified digits.”
“Let’s see your hand”, Agent Rack asks. “Nasty.”
“Yeah”, I sigh “And with the medicos in South America and their penchant for plaster, I don’t so much have a left hand as more of an ankylosaur tail.”
“Or Thagomizer”, Agent Ruin tittered. “Anyone gives you grief, and one upside the head should set them right. Or dead.”
“You’re a riot, Ruin.” I replied, “But not entirely incorrect.”
We all agreed that I really didn’t need any extra accouterments to make myself look more dangerous. I mean with my severe haircut, stern beard clip, and perpetual ‘Go fuck yourself’ scowl.
“Yeah”, I replied, stroking the aforementioned beard, “I just can’t get that. I’m such a people person.”
After Agents Rack and Ruin finished drying their eyes from laughing what I thought was en extremis, we finally got down to business.
“So, what’s the skinny, guys”, I asked. “New marching orders?”
“No. Not as such”, Agent Ruin said, still sniggering over my ‘people person’ comment.
I see we’re moving. Agent Rack is just driving casually, like Chewbacca when they were waiting to see if the Empire went for that expensive Bothan code.
“Then, what?” I asked, getting a slight bit piqued.
“Well”, Agent Ruin noted, “When you went to South America, you took some of your artillery collection with, correct?”
“You know I did. You even made some snide comments about my personal choice of sidearms and their ‘excessive’ calibers, if memory serves”, I reiterated.
“And if you are proceeding normally, as you always do, they’re all nestled in the trunk of this very car. All cleaned, quiet, unloaded, and smelling sweetly of Hoppe’s Number 9 and WD 40, correct?” Rack inquired.
“Yes?” I cautiously venture.
“Well, ya’ big dummy, do you think they’re going to let you saunter into Tokyo armed like the Third Fleet?” Agent Ruin chuckled.
“Um…well…I do have a Diplomatic Passport.” I ventured.
“That’s not going to work this time.”, Agent Ruin said, shaking his head. “They’re tighter than Dick’s Hatband about sidearms. Want to bring in your Rigby SXS .500 Nitro Express double rifle? Not a problem. Sidearms, especially in your alien hunting calibers, nope.”
Well, that’s just….*dandy!”, I reply, semi-put out. “Now what the hell am I going to do?”
“Ever think that’s why Ruin and I are here, now?”, Rack asks.
“And here I thought it was just so you could bask in the warm glow of my fucking wonderful personality. Or that you actually cared about me as a real goddamn human”, I joshed.
“Ummm…yeah”, Rack replies, “There’s no way we can answer that without going on some Deadpool list. “
I agreed.
“OK, here’s the deal: you get your sidearms, ammunition, speed loaders, brass knuckles, Asp, laser range finders, Sap, Zeiss scopes, Kukri, Wisconsin Cheese Whittler, Buck folding skinner, Marine K-Bar, those two ultra-illegal Cheburkov Cobra titanium switchblades...”
“Three. Olga the KGB lady sent me one for Geologist’s Day.”
“Ahem. Those three ultra-illegal Cheburkov switchblades, that Wyoming Speedholer, your MASER Time-Distance Computer, garrote, pocket rail gun and whatever else lethal you carry and deposit it in the iron box in the trunk. We’ll ensure that it’s delivered to Esme post-haste. And by post-haste I mean one of our guys will deliver it personally.”
“Well…I suppose”, I conceded, “But best send someone who’s been to the house recently. I don’t know how much bigger Khan has grown since I left on this little fantasy trip. Wouldn’t want a star on the wall in Langley for someone eaten by a mastiff. Want to see a picture….Oh, bother. That’s right. My phone’s at the bottom of fucking Lake Maracaibo.”
“Good point”, Ruin interjects, “Guess we’ll do a little road trip and deliver it ourselves. Best call Esme and let her know what’s going on.”
“I have no objections to your proposals. Please give Esme this when you see her. I had some luck in the Calaveras Casino and if I don’t send her some mad money. Ouch. She’ll never forgive me for not taking her along to Japan.” I asked.
“But I thought Esme hated Japan? Too crowded and too ‘fussy’, I believe was her estimation.” Ruin asked.
“Yes, but once she saw the Ginza, all bets were off. Shopping the likes of which even Allah himself hasn’t seen.” I replied, slowly shaking my head.
“I see”, Ruin said, “Well, since you’re off to Sapporo, perhaps you can do a recon for Esme on the shopping there.”
“Not bad. Not bad at all.”, I smiled, “Now I know why I let you guys hang around with me.”
So, as advertised, I am now standing on the tarmac at LAX, basically feeling naked.
“Can’t I keep just one switchblade?” I moaned to Agent Rack.
“Go ahead, if you’re really keen on donating it to Japanese customs”, he replied.
“Fuckbuckets.” I groused.
“There, there now. That’s the usual Dr. Rocknocker of which we’re all so fond.” Agent Ruin chuckled.
“Remember, you do have that wallet-sized credit card gizmo from the Company. So you’re not entirely ‘naked’. Think of it as an emergency breechcloth.” He smiled.
“I’d like a larger model if you don’t mind. It’s chilly out here.” I joshed.
After Agents Rack and Ruin stripped me metaphorically naked as they de-weaponized me, they handed me a Business Class ticket to Tokyo, and a pass to the Japan Airlines Hospitality Suite and Lounge.
“So sorry you guys can’t hang around and have a few farewell snorts”, I chided, “But you’ve got a bit of a drive, so best be off before the weather turns to shit.”
“Who says we’re driving?” Agent Rack asked as he hooked a thumb over his shoulder at the ready and waiting C-130 cargo plane currently taxiing slowly in our direction.
“Well, in that case”, I smiled even more broadly, “Let’s invite the flight crew to join us. That’ll make the flight home all that much more interesting.”
After near tear-jerking farewell sentimentalities, i.e., “Piss on you”, “Get stuffed” and “Take a fuckin’ hike”; Agents Rack and Ruin, my weapons and the Agency’s plain-Jane Blue Chevy were all nestled snugger than buggers in ruggers in the belly of the thundering C-130.
Now truly on my own, I trudge the hundred thousand or so centisteps to my departure terminal, make a quick recon that my flight’s still slated to go in a generally westward direction, and hightail it to the nearest courtesy desk to ask for a motorized cart to take me and my remaining luggage to the JAL Hospitality Suite.
Hey. I’m old, infirm, and currently among the walking wounded.
Anyone that disagrees risks an Ankylosaur tail club swat or Thagomizer to the skull.
Finally ensconced in the JAL Hospitality Suite, Polo Lounge of course; I was drinking Tokyo Teas (3 oz. vodka, 2 oz. gin, 2 oz. rum, 1 oz. triple sec, 1 oz. Midori, good splash of lime juice, a slight splash of 7-Up (diet, of course), over ice with a lime wheel) with Pabst Blue Ribbon Extra 1844 chasers and Hangar One’s “Fog Point” vodka on the side, hiding from the brutish realities of this foul year of two thousand and twenty-something, Common Era…
I’ve already called Esme and we’ve had a good, long chat. She still managed to give me her shopping list for whenever I find myself bored on the Ginza.
She’ll be shocked when she learns that I’m not going to be in Tokyo long, but have 1st class tickets on the Bullet Train to Sapporo. Still, I’ll probably find myself in Pole Town or the Stellar Place there, trading piles of US greenbacks for locally produced Japanese curios and clothing.
I can hardly wait.
I order another round of drinks, as the wonderful attendants in the Hospitality Suite were bored out of their skulls because of the COVID-induced drop-in customers flying anywhere that requires a hospitality room stay, and I was virtually the only one around. They tried their level best to outdo each other when it comes to Japanese efficiency and friendliness.
After a couple of hours, they ask if I would like something from the grill, as the day chef had “the COVID” and the night chef just arrived. A quick perusal of the menu and I chose a 28-ounce dry-aged Porterhouse and another round of drinks.
I usually don’t like to eat too much before I fly, but JAL tells me the flight is going to be virtually empty, something like <121 pax, all told, so restroom availability shouldn’t be too much of a concern.
Plus, who am I to say no to a free, blue 28-ounce dry-aged Porterhouse?
There was a bit of difficulty conveying to the chef through the intermediaries of the hospitality just how I wanted my steak.
“Blue,” I said.
“Brue?” was the reply.
“Rare. Very, very rare.” I continued.
Look of total bewilderment.
I drag out my Personal Language Pro, speak “Steak, very, very rate” into the infernal gizmo, and hand the contraption to the attendant.
“珍しい、非常に珍しいステーキ?”[ Mezurashī, hijō ni mezurashī sutēki?]
“Raw! Nama!” I say, louder than need be.
They toddle off to find the chef.
“How is it sir, that you would like your steak cooked?” he asks.
“Very rare. Just a minute or two per side. Inside still cold.” I instructed.
All I got for the trouble was a puzzled smile.
“Give me the language gizmo…” I type in a few words…
“お尻を洗い、角をノックオフして、ここから出してください”
[O shiri o arai,-kaku o nokkuofu shite, koko kara dashite kudasai.]
“Wash its ass, knock its horns off, and walk it out here.”
“OH!” as the lightbulb pops. “Rare. Got it! Excellent!” the chef laughs and zips back to the kitchen.
Like I always say, I’m nothing if not the international ambassador of amity and goodwill.
“Crack tubes!”
Dinner was fantastic. I do wish I could have somehow mailed the Porterhouse bone back home for Khan. After that hambone incident, he might even taste it.
Finally on the plane, in an almost empty Business Class, the flight captain informs us that we’re headed to Haneda Airport Tokyo and anyone not headed in that direction better ‘haul ass off’ the flight or forever hold their peace.
Late-night international flights tend to be a bit more wooly than your average Chicago to Omaha gig.
Especially when the flight’s damn near empty and we have the next 12 hours or so to be best friends.
We taxi, turn and head into the wind. I’m doctoring up a couple of dossiers and keeping my personal cabin attendant, Luna since there were two of us in Business and two business flight attendants, busy with her trying to play ‘Stump the Geologist’.
“I’ll bet you never had this before.” She beamed and handed me a tumbler of very dangerous-looking brown liquor.
I cautiously sniff, take a modest gulp, swirl and glug the rest down.
“Ohishi Single Sherry Cask”, I say with a muffled belch. “Light. Fruity. An Englishman’s drink.”
“Oh. You knew. Let me try again.” She smiles beatifically.
“I have no objections to your proposal.” I smile as nicely as this crotchety old Komodo Dragon could.
She returns with another flagon of spirits; it smells of obsidian, leather, and earth.
I just had some of this back in LAX. I take a snort, smile, and shotgun the rest.
“Hibiki Japanese Harmony…lovely stuff.” I smile. “A little light for my jaded palate, but I’d never turn it down if it were free.”
“Oh, you win again. Wait. One more.” She smiles and skitters off to the galley.
She returns with another soupçon of some more dangerous brown liquor.
“Here, try this. It will make you very popular at social gatherings”. She smiles.
Sniff. “Splendid.” Snort. Swirl. Smile. Shotgun.
“Kanosuke New Born, if I’m not mistaken.” I smile back. “Very nice. I really do like this one.”
“You too good at this. One more!” she stands and stomps off defiantly. She returns in a trice and hands me the glass.
“Hmm…brown. Light notes of earth, leather, dating your daughter, and Kentucky…
“Beam Suntory, right?”
“You know them all!” she says, feigning irritation.
“And I thank you. Those were all excellent. Now, anything in the dangerous clear liquor category? I asked.
Luna smiled as I palmed off a 20k yen tip.
“Oh, no sir. Wait until we land.” She demurred, referring to the gratuity; which is know is not de rigueur in the Orient, but she didn’t seem to mind.
“Just in case we never make it to Tokyo”, I laughed, unknowingly presciently.
We both chuckled about that last line as she tried out various sakes and shōchūs and an actual Japanese ‘White Liquor’ (ホワイトリカー), which were all excellent as was the company.
I tell her that I need to get some work done and could she bring me a tall Rocknocker. After explain the origins and construction of the eponymous drink, she brings me one that must tip the scales at 1 or so liters.
She settles down to an empty seat and I get after the work that I need to finish before we land. I’m about ½ way through my drink when it felt as if the plane hit a brick wall. She quivered and quaked and clutched at herself while I made some comments about the pilot’s mental health.
We dropped like a paralyzed falcon, then just as suddenly, felt like it was an express elevator to Angel’s 11. The plane bucked and shimmied, wickedly. Then we slam-danced right and fell a few more stories. It was like we were in a Mixmaster and the owner was trying out every speed.
The emergency lights in the 777-300ER popped on, and the fasten seat belt sign barked loudly so even sleeping travelers could enjoy the show.
Rinse. Spin. Shudder. Repeat.
Finally, the ride smooths out and we hear the captain on the blower.
“This is your captain speaking…ah, we seem to have hit some uncharted turbulence back there.”
“Thanks, Captain Obvious”, I muttered.
“Everything’s A-OK. “ he reports.
“That’s good”, I note.
“But…”
“There’s always the but…” I groan.
“…we have a couple of warning lights for which we can’t quite account. So to just be safe and certain, we’re going to divert to Hawaii, get a clean bill of health and resume this flight once we make sure everything here is hunky-dory.”
There were scattered groans and applause. Add them together and divide by two and the average response on the flight was “Meh. Whatever.”
Except for the other guy in Business, with whom I hadn’t shared two words. He began to absolutely lose his shit.
“Oh, man! We’re so screwed! Mechanical malfunction? What does that mean?” he positively fizzed with fear.
The flight attendants tried to calm him down, to no avail. They basically gave up and said they’d report his misgivings to the Captain.
I motioned over to my personal flight attendant, Luna, and asked if I could be of service.
“Oh, Doctor Rock”, she smiled at me, “If you could speak with him. You are so calm, and he is…”
“Losing his bloody mind”, I chuckled as I finished her sentence for her. “Of course, I’ll take a stab at it.”
So, I grab my drink and ease over to my Business Class partner and introduce myself.
“Hey, pal. How’s it going? I’m Dr. Rock, gentleman, scholar, and connoisseur of cigars and things alcoholic. You doing OK?”
He looks at me with an ashen face and his eyes the size of bloodshot dinner plates.
“Yeah. I’m Todd Schotts. I’m flying to Japan for business.” He mumbles
“No surprise there,” I reply calmly and take a slug of my drink.
“But now we’re all going to die. The plane is busted and we’ll crash…” he started off again.
“So, Todd is it? Good. You drink?” I asked.
“Yeah?”, he stammered back.
I asked Luna to make us a fresh batch of my eponymous cocktails.
“OK, Todd, listen up”, I began after the drinks were served, “I have flown literally millions of miles over the last 4 decades. On Aeroflot when it was still the USSR. On TACA (Take A Chance Airways), on Chalk’s in the Caribbean, on Bob’s Verrifast Plane Company in Rhodesia, on regional carriers that don’t even exist anymore. All over the world. Had some bad experiences flying, and me ol’ mugger, this ain’t one of them. This is nothing more than the glitch for this mission.”
I chuckled lightly and complimented Luna on a fantastic drink.
“Yeah…yeah…yeah…but we have to land and check out some lights…” Todd squealed.
“Well now, Todd. It would be rather difficult to do any external assessment while in flight, don’t you agree?” I asked.
“But we’re diverting. We have to land and that adds more risk. We’re going to crash and die!” he was coming more and more unglued.
“I will bet you every cent you have on your person and home bank accounts that that will not happen”, I chuckled.
That took him by surprise. At least it shut him up for a while.
“Look, Todd. This is Boeing’s latest model. They have the most incredible safety record. And if a little clear air turbulence were to be knocking planes out of the sky, don’t you think we’d hear about it as the press went berserk?” I asked.
“But they don’t know what the lights mean! What if one of the engines’s out? How far can we fly on one engine?” Todd stuttered.
Having my fill of a supposedly grown man with inane childlike fears, I calmly replied,
“All the way to the crash site.”
He went white.
“...hope we hit something hard. I don’t want to limp away from this.”
He went limp.
Then I went to my seat and motioned for Luna to prepare a reload.
Of course, 45 minutes later, we land without incident at Daniel K. Inouye International Airport, Honolulu Hawaii.
We were told to just wait around until they figure out what the problem if any, was.
They had officials waiting at the end of the jetway to check our COVID status and passports before they let us loose in the terminal.
I asked Luna if she knew this airport. She noted that she did.
“Is there a JAL hospitality room here at this airport? I asked.
“Yes, Doctor. It’s the Sakura Lounge. It is located on the third level above The Local, Terminal 2.” She replied.
“Please notify whoever needs to know that that’s where I’ll be for the duration”, I smiled and handed her my business card. “See you soon, I hope.”
“Oh, Dr. Rock”, she replied, “I am sure it is nothing much. We’ll be back in the air within mere hours.”
“Well then”, I smiled, “Guess I’d better get ready to hoof it to the lounge.”
“Oh, Doctor Rock”, she smiled, “No rush. I will call for you a courtesy cart. You are injured, you are Business, you are priority.”
“I love that Asian efficiency.” I smiled back and toddled down the jetway.
At the terminus of the jetway, I show my COVID-clear papers, dates and times of my Anti-Virus vaccine administrations, the letter from Virginia clearing me of all detention, and my red Russian diplomatic passport.
While in the cart, whizzing our way to the JAL lounge, the driver said “Man! You must be some kind of VIP. You were through that welcoming committee in less than two minutes!”
“Me? Nah!”, I chuckled, “Just an old phart of a geologist that they didn’t want to mess with. Not on such a bright, sunny day as this.”
“I see you’re not wearing a mask.” The driver quipped.
“Very observant. There are reasons for that.” I replied.
He careens around a corner and if this were a normal pre-Covid day, I’m certain we’d have killed hundreds. However, the airport, as I’ve come to grow accustomed to, was virtually deserted.
“Yeah? Like what?” he asks.
“Well, Scooter, 1. I have an active and hardworking immune system that I let off the chain every once in a while for exercise. Got to let it know what it’s up against, right? 2. I’ve had all my shots and some that were experimental. They seem to have worked. And 3. I find it difficult to drink and smoke cigars while wearing a mask. However, if you’d prefer, I will mask up. No problem, though it still is optional.”
“Nah, man”, he said, “I was just wondering if you were one of those religious idiots or conspiracy nuts.”
Nope”, I smiled back, “Just another geologist out in the world plying his trade for cash. Y’know, whorin’ around for money.”
He laughs aloud as we skid to a stop right in front of Lounge.
I slip the guy a $20 and ask if he’d listen for the JAL flight I was just on. If we’re going on ahead today, I’d need him to scoot by and putt-putt me back to the plane.
He laughs and pockets the $20 as quick as a mink ruts.
“No worries. I’ll just hang around this area. I hear anything about the flight, I’ll come and let you know.” He grins.
“Good man”, I say, as I hand him my card. “I’m Dr. Rocknocker. Call me Rock”.
“And I’m Kapula Mano, call me Kap” he replies.
“Good man”, I say again, “Hope to see you in a while.”
He grins, floors his electric cart, and peels out at speeds approaching 4.5 MPH.
I wander into the lounge, show my credentials, and am escorted to a post up on Mahogany Ridge.
The bar is very quiet. Besides the bartender, I can’t see anyone else in the darkened and Smooth Jazz-infused drinking emporium.
I order a local drink, a Mai Tai, just for the experience and something a bit different.
It’s served in a goldfish bowl on a stem, bedecked with a slice of lime, a sprig of mint, a stick of sugar cane, a polychromatic orchid, and the obligate paper umbrella.
“Ah. Mai Tai. I will enjoy it.” I said to no one in particular.
One was enough, and I decided to go back to the old standard. Once I explained to the bartender what that was, he made them heroic and enthusiastically.
I’m reading up on a random dossier, making notes in a new file, and puffing away on a Fuentes Onyx double Maduro Churchill cigar.
I hear a slight cough coming from my right, and this here lovely lady, she sat to my immediate starboard and looked at me semi-quizzically.
Not in the mood for shenanigans of any stripe, I give her the obligate Baja Canada nod and tilt of the drink. I return to my dossiers and continue to read and take notes.
“Excuse me!” I hear.
Fearing the worst, either the woman is Karen-oid anti-smoking or a religious fruit-and-nutburger, I slowly turn to face her and reply, somewhat glacially, I have to admit.
“What?”
“That cigar…”
“Here we go…” I mutter, eyes rolling northward.
“Smells exquisite. Could you tell me the brand? My husband would enjoy some like that.” She notes.
Instantly my demeanor switches 180^0.
“Yes, ma’am. It’s an Arturo Fuentes Onyx. Churchill size, or 60 ring x 7” length, double Maduro. Here, take one for your husband. I have an ample supply.” I smile.
“Oh, no. I couldn’t. Could I?” she asks.
“Please. I insist.” I smile the best I could given the circumstances.
“Thank you. You’re too kind…umm…Mr….?”
“Doctor. Doctor Rocknocker. World traveler, oilman, and international ambassador of amity, good drinks, and fine cigars. Call me Rock” I said.
“Oh! A Doctor?” she brightens.
“Yes, of Petroleum Geology and Engineering. Not medicine.” I chuckle.
She chuckles back.
“And I am Hella Aaberg”, as she offers her hand for a quick shake.
“Interesting name, Hella. Scandinavian or Old German heritage?” I ask.
“On my father’s side. He’s Finnish.” She replies.
“But I’ll wager your mother is not Scandinavian, correct?” I ask.
“She was from Truk, an island…”
“In the South Pacific, Micronesia. Was she from Weno city?” I asked.
“Why yes. How could you possibly know that?” she asked.
“Oh, I’ve been there. Great diving amongst the WWII wrecks. I think it’s actually called ‘Chuuk Lagoon’ or something like that now.” I said.
“That’s right! Amazing. Where else have you been?” she asked.
“Anywhere there’s oil, strife, booze, cigars, heavy explosives and typically long distances from whatever most normal people call civilization,” I replied with a chuckle.
Suddenly, I hear a voice booming out behind me.
“Why don’t you save that rapier-like wit for those musky-fuckers back home, Rocko?”
My expression changes. My eyes pop fully wide open.
“Hella?” I asked.
“Yes?”
“May I ask you a favor?”
“You can ask…”
“Thank you. Now, looking over my shoulder, is there a hulking goon of a person, thin up top, paunchy halfway down with the most ridiculously tiny sized shoes you’ve ever seen for a so-called grown man?” I ask.
“Yes. Yes, there is.” She replies.
“I thought so. Many thanks.”
I spin and launch off my barstool and grab Toivo by the hand. He hadn’t seen my left-hand Thagomizer yet.
“Toivo! You old sumbitch. What the flying fennec fox fuck are you, of all people, doing in Hawaii?” I laughed.
“Just keeping an eye on you, Rock!” he laughed equally as loud.
“No, fucking-A, seriously. What the actual fuck? What are you doing in this actual nice place?” I asked.
“Just headed to Tokyo to conduct a bit of service company business. I walked into the lounge and smelled a foul cigar. I figured it can’t be the venerable Dr. Rocknocker. He’s back at some school up north terrorizing geology and engineering grads and undergrads.” Toivo laughed.
“But there I was. Surprise!”, I laughed and pumped his hand.
“What the fuck, Rock. Now what did you do?” he asks, referring to my Ankylosaur tail club left hand.
“Ah, fuck. Long story. Oh, pardon me. Toivo, this is Hella. We were just talking about the South Seas Islands.” I said.
“Planning on running off together?” Toivo laughs, to the amusement of neither party.
“Oh, and this idiot is Toivo, a man with a congenital foot-in-mouth disorder. He’s mostly harmless.” I noted to Hella.
Greetings were shared all around. Hella made some small excuses and said she needed to depart. I gave her another cigar for her husband, shook her hand, and wished her well.
“Here’s my business card. If your husband has any questions, have him drop me a line.” I noted.
Hella smiled beautifully. She said she would. Then she thanked me shook our hands, and like that, there she was, gone.
“Well Toivo, you old bastard. Don't just stand there in the doorway like some lonesome goddamn mouse shit sheepherder, get your ass over here and have a drink.” I motioned over to my perch on Mahogany Ridge.
“Don’t mind if I do”, he says as he deftly winds his way to a seat to my left, snagging a cigar out of my pocket on the way over.
“You might want these”, I say in an exasperated tone, and hand him my gold Dunhill Hobnail lighter and V-cutter gizmo.
He cuts and fires up his heater.
“What you drinkin’, Rock”, he asks.
“Anything with alcohol, as usual. You know that Toiv.” I reply.
“No. I mean right now.” He clarifies.
“Well, I had a Mai Tai. Very nice if you like fruity, flowery drinks. It’s the locals’ favorite.” I reply.
“Sounds good. I’ll have several. And you?” Toivo asks.
“My usual. The bartender is already apprised of the situation.” I reply.
Toivo smiles the smile of one knowing his sobriety is going to be taken out for a swim. Hell, taken out and tossed into the deep end.
Toivo and I sit there, swapping lies, smoking cigars and sipping at our toddies.
Hell, Toivo was slurping them like a sump-pump during an extra-wet summer.
We chattered about family, work, whether or not Tokyo was going to host the Olympics or if the COVID-boogie man scared everyone off.
Toivo, always one afflicted with TB (“Tiny Bladder”) got up to go to the loo for the third time that hour. He left his pocket organizer on the bar and I swear on a stack of Origins of Species, I didn’t touch it.
I reached over to his vacated seat to retrieve my cigar lighter when I looked down and saw in his organizer a tab that reads “Rack & Ruin”.
“Oh. No. Fucking. Way.” I recoiled as I’d just reached out and petted a 6-foot hungover scorpion.
“One of my best friends? Secretly allied with the Agency? No. Not possible.” I drained my drink and called for another.
“No. No. No. It can’t be. No. No fucking way…” as doubt began to dissolve when I thought back to all those times I had just ‘run into’ Toivo.
“But he’s oil patch as well. That could be chalked up to coincidence.” I ruminated quizzically in my brain.
I quickly reflected back on J.M. Darhower: “Yes, you see, there’s no such thing as coincidence. There are no accidents in life. Everything that happens is the result of a calculated move that leads us to where we are.”
She may be the author of the execrable New Adult Sempre series, which Esme likes and I loathe, but she might just be right on this occasion.
Toivo return, lighter in the bladder and good sense. He never even noticed he’d left his organizer out in broad bar light for all to see.
“So, Toivo, when’s your flight?” I ask.
“Oh, man. Was I lucky. The JAL flight to Tokyo from Los Angeles had mechanical trouble and had to divert here. I got a ticket on the plane for that flight, when it continues.
“You mean ‘if it continues’,” I replied.
“Yeah. Yeah. That’s what I meant. Hey! Was that your flight?” he asks innocently. He’s really innocent of fieldcraft.
I decide to have some fun at my old friend’s expense.
“Yep. Hit some CAT (Clear Air Turbulence) and the JAL pilots reported some lighting problem. No apparent ruin to any of the systems. They relay racked their brains to figure it out, but they couldn’t that’s why I here.” I said, waiting for the words to swim upstream in Toivo’s coconut and make some sort of connection.
“Yeah. Double lucky. No problem with the plane and I get to go to Japan early.” Toivo crookedly grins.
“So, no trouble with the plane? Then why haven’t I heard that the flight’s going to resume?” I asked as I pushed a fresh, seriously strong drink to Toivo.
“Oh, must have heard it in the john.” Toivo countered and tried to cover his tracks by taking a huge gulp of his drink and damn near dying coughing.
I pound on Toivo’s back.
“Heimlich time?” I ask.
Toivo signals ‘no’.
“Jesus Christ, Rock. What was that?” he asks.
“Just my usual”, I innocently replied.
“Holy fuck. No wonder you have the reputation of…” Toivo realizes too late that he’s said too much.
“Yeah. They can rack you out. Really ruin a person if they’re not careful.” I reply icily.
“Why, Rock. Whatever do you mean?” Toivo slurred as he realized he’s been caught out.
“The jig is up, you turncoat. You know Agents Rack and Ruin from the agency. Right? You keeping tabs on me for them? You Quisling! You Benedict Arnold!” I almost was on the verge of losing my cool.
“It was nothing. They approached me years ago as I kept being mentioned in your reports. They asked me for some information. One thing leads to another…” Toivo was ready for an Ankylosaur tail club swat to the bean.
“Oh, put your fucking hands down, you asshole.” I smiled and chuckled.
“You’re not mad?” Toivo slurred badly. I had the bartender make him another special drink.
“No, Toivo. Not mad. Just disappointed.” I said, smiling like a Komodo Dragon just finishing up a fortnight-old wildebeest.
Toivo sat there and puzzled and puzzled until his puzzler was sore.
“You’re not going to kill me or anything rude like that?” Toivo asked, half-assedly trying to inject humor into the proceedings.
“Nah. The paperwork’s too ridiculous for me to do another liberation. But, Jesus Fucking Christwagons, Toivo; you could have mentioned it to me. Fuck, I thought we were friends to the end?” I said, dejectedly.
I was really getting through to Toivo. I could tell he was loaded; feeling like shit and massively deplorable.
Great fieldcraft, indeed.
I told him things “are what they are” and that I won’t blow his cover nor his honorarium.
He began to feel better. I often wonder if he was serious about the sanctioning thing.
Then I delivered the strategic missile strike.
“Just remember, Toivo. I wrote your dossier for the Company…”
He swivels to look at me.
“And one for the KGB. Olga says ‘howdy’.” I grin evilly.
Toivo short-circuited at that. Russia is his company’s bread and butter. Now he has the KGB as well as his best buddy looking over his shoulder at every move.
I bought him a few more drinks and continued to needle him about his ’leading a double life’. He was well and truly fuckered when the electric tap-tap driver from before came looking for me to whisk me back to the plane.
Seems it was simply some knocked-out wires on the plane, or slammed bulbs that were generating a false positive, indicating something other than the system that alerts one to something haywire went haywire.
Toivo was pretty much down for the count. I got him sober enough to hand them his ticket and ensure that he was really supposed to be on this flight. Thing was; h e was in Economy, and I was, as always, in Business.
I spoke to Luna, and the plane was going to be even less crowded than previously because some folks could or wouldn’t wait, or didn’t want to go on with the rest of the trip on a ‘damaged’ aircraft, or were just stupid and superstitious.
“Luna, could I pay for the difference between Business and Economy for my less than 100% conscious friend here? He’s had a rough day.” I asked.
“Dr. Rock. Just put him into Business. No one will be the wiser. Luna says so.” As she gave us a grand smile.
“Luna, I owe you. Thanks so much.” I said.
“Now get on board. Your friend looks like he needs all the downtime he can get.”
“Yes, ma’am!” I said and saluted here be best I could which dragging a schnozzled Toivo down the jetway.
I dumped Toivo in a window seat well away from my seat. I know Toivo. He snores like a semi-load of live hogs rocketing downhill locking up the brakes at 88 MPH.
Surprise! There was no one else in Business. Luna looked at me, at Toivo, and gave me a thumbs up.
Whatever I can write to further her career at JAL, she’ll have it before I deplane.
We finally get everyone settled, and with Captain Kangaroo at the helm, we bounced gracelessly off the tarmac, into the warm, tropical Hawaiian air, finally headed for the Land of the Rising Sun.
Toivo was snoring like a chainsaw hitting rusty nails as I worked on the various letters, communiques, and dossiers which needed updating before we reached touchdown. I gave Luna a thick letter with instructions not to open it until we were on the ground and Toivo and I were well off and away into the terminal.
We left Hawaii at 1300 hours, so we should arrive at Tokyo Nareda around 4:00 pm, the previous day. I was so bereft of time and time zones, I couldn’t figure out what time it really was, as judged by my biometric rhythms, so I asked Luna for a stiff drink as I was kicking off my boots and going to attempt to get some kip.
She brought me another liter or so eponymous drink. I was sawing logs by the time I slurped the last swig of that nifty drink.
Suddenly, or later, I have no idea really, some loudmouth drunk asshole from way-the-fuck-back in economy-land toward the ass end of the plane staggered into Business demanding free drinks.
Luna was nothing but civil, and asked him to both shut up and return to his seat. His air cabin hostess, or whatever the fuck they’re calling them these days, will attend to his needs.
“Naw they won’t! They want me to pay for more drinks! I’m broke but I demand more booze! You fucking owe me.” railed the asshole. “I sat at the bar in Hawaii for four hours. Them fuckers charged me an arm and a leg!”
“No, they don’t owe you shit”, I said in a voice that unmistakably loud and clear.
“Fuck you, old man! You stay the fuck out of this!” he bellowed. “Shut up or I’ll do ya’!”
“’Old man’? ‘Do me’? Excuse me. Luna, may I have a word alone with this individual?” I asked sweetly.
Luna shook her head in the affirmative, and I stood up to confront this flagrant asshole.
“Now look, Scooter. You have gone way, way over the fucking line. You are loud. You are abusive. You are obnoxious. And you stink. Plus you insulted a person who is just barely containing his righteous wrath right now. So, I’m giving you one and one only chance to shut up, sit back down before your body spontaneously develops all sort of bruises, contusions, broken bones, and unconsciousness.” I said calmly, evenly, and threateningly.
“What da’ fuck you think you’re going to do…old man?” he screeched, trying to inflate himself into full mammalian threat posture, all 5’ 9” of it.
He didn’t notice Toivo walking up quietly behind him, as Toivo was returning from the head, quiet as a moose.
“Well, Scooter, I am an Air Marshall. Duly appointed, fully trained, and properly pissed off. Right now, I can arrest you, physically detain you, turn this flight around and take you to the Hawaiian police, at your cost for the inconvenience of the entire flight. Or I could arrest you, physically detain you, and turn you over to the Japanese authorities when we land. It’s really your choice. Choose wisely.”
To be continued…⇝

Stokes's Bristol Nightclub incident in detail (From: The Comeback Summer by Geoff Lemon)

IF YOU’RE LOOKING for a place where misadventure could begin, you can’t go past Mbargo. The nightclub’s streetfront is painted a purple so bright you’ll see it in your dreams. Strings of giant sequins shimmer in the breeze. Its phonically inventive name is spelt in silver letters that climb its three-storey terrace facade. Inside are strips of burning neon, a few booths, floorboards so marinated in drink that they have an ingredients list. Bristol is a student city on England’s south coast crowded with music and nightlife and street art. This is Banksy’s home town, and the tourism board suggests in rather strong terms that ‘you would be a fool not to see his amazing work firsthand’. The same organisation describes Mbargo as ‘intimate’, which is fair for a place where you can catch an STI standing up. Students cram into its modest dimensions while people with names like DJ Klaud battle for billing with £1.50 drink deals over seven sloppy nights a week. To get a sense of the story about to come, consider that it’s the kind of place open until two o’clock on a Monday morning, and that at two o’clock on a Monday morning, Ben Stokes still thought it had closed too early.
The Ashes of 2017–18 had disciplinary bookends. It was after that series that Australia’s two leaders went off the rails in South Africa. It was a few weeks before that Ashes tour that England’s biggest star windmilled his way into his own disaster.
In the early hours of 25 September 2017, Stokes and teammate Alex Hales were barred from re-entering Mbargo after a night out on the piss. A Sunday thrashing of an abject West Indies in an ignored series at the fag-end of the season apparently required ample celebration. After arguing with the bouncer and hanging about at the door for a while, they wandered off to find a casino in the hope of more drinking. They’d barely made it around the corner before getting in the middle of a conflict between four locals. As is said on the internet, it escalated quickly.
The 26 September reporting was bloodless. Withholding names, police stated that a man ‘was arrested on suspicion of causing actual bodily harm’ while another went to hospital with facial injuries. England’s director of cricket Andrew Strauss separately confirmed that Stokes was the arrestee, adding that he had been released without charge and that Hales had gamely offered to ‘help police with their enquiries’. Administrators had a good chance of hiding behind that investigation, and the next day Stokes was named in the upcoming Ashes squad as expected. But that night the video emerged.
Bristol student Max Wilson had shot it on his phone, then offered it to The Sun. What he thought was playing hardball was actually lowball: his opening price of £3000 was snapped up by a tabloid that would have paid ten times that. The Sun went on to make a mint by syndicating the rights worldwide. From a window above the fray, the vision showed six men on the street below performing the muddled choreography of a melee. One was right at the centre of it. One was waving a bottle, one dipped in and out, one tried to calm it. Two others floated around the edges. The central figure was unmistakable: red hair burning even in the streetlight as he launched into a series of blows against two of the men, falling to grapple with them on the ground, then following both across the street, swinging punches the whole way. Hales trailed behind, repeatedly and impotently shouting ‘Stokes! Stop! Stokes! Enough!’ The ECB could fudge issues that existed only in thickets of legalese, but not those captured in moving colour. Stokes was stood down from the next West Indies match, then suspended indefinitely. It emerged that he had broken his hand during the fight, something he’d done twice before while punching objects in dressing rooms.
The response in Australia was fierce: Stokes was a thug, a lowlife, a selection that would disgrace England. It was not entirely coincidental that a ban for England’s best player would be handy for the Aussie team, but there was also a cultural split. In England, plenty of people still minimise pub fights as lads letting off steam. In Australia, heavy media coverage as a succession of young men were killed had inverted that tolerance. The discourse now saw any punch as potentially deadly and accordingly reckless. This was more poignant in a cricket context given that David Hookes, the dashing Test batsman and state coach, was killed in 2004 by a pub bouncer’s fist.
The PR situation was bad for Stokes as details emerged of the injuries to the men he’d hit, and that one was a young war veteran and father. Stokes wasn’t officially removed from the Ashes squad through October but stayed behind when his teammates left, hoping for police to dismiss the matter in time for a late dash to Australia. His annual contract was renewed on the due date in case that came to pass. Then 29 October brought a twist in the tale.
‘Ben Stokes praised by gay couple after defending them from homophobic thugs,’ ran the headline. Kai Barry and Billy O’Connell had emerged. Not entirely out of nowhere: while Stokes had made no public comment, this story in his defence had initially been leaked to TV host Piers Morgan after the fight, as soon as the video appeared. Police body-camera footage played in court would later show that Stokes had given the same story to the arresting officer on the night. But no-one knew the identities of the fifth and sixth men in the video, and police appeals had turned up nothing.
It was The Sun again with the breakthrough. Kai and Billy were perfect for a readership not keen on nuance. ‘We couldn’t believe it when we found out they were famous cricketers. I just thought Ben and Alex were quite hot, fit guys,’ said Kai, who was memorably described as a ‘former House of Fraser sales assistant’. The paper had the pair do a full photo shoot: layering the fake tan, showing off chest waxes, mixing Ralph Lauren and Louis Vuitton into a range of outfits. Their best shot had them standing back to back, heads turned to the camera, in a mirror-image Zoolander moment.
Suddenly The Sun was the England team’s best friend. ‘Their claims could lead to the all-rounder being cleared over the punch-up and freed to play in the First Test in Australia next month,’ it gushed, then gave a tasting platter of quotes: ‘We were so grateful to Ben for stepping in to help. He was a real hero.’ ‘If Ben hadn’t intervened it could have been a lot worse for us.’ ‘We could’ve been in real trouble. Ben was a real gentleman.’ Would it be known forever as Kai and Billy’s Ashes? No. While the Bristol boys provided spin for Stokes’ reputation they didn’t influence the police. With charges still pending there was little choice – not given Strauss had previously sacked Kevin Pietersen for being annoying. Stokes remained suspended through the Ashes and a one-day series in Australia, and lost the vice-captaincy. It was January 2018 before the Crown Prosecution Service laid a charge.
That charge surprisingly came in as affray, a crime that can carry prison time but is classified as ‘a breach of the peace as a result of disorderly conduct’. The men he had punched, Ryan Ali and Ryan Hale, faced the same count, charged as equal participants in a fight rather than Stokes being charged with assaulting them. Alex Hales was not charged, despite being seen in the video to aim several kicks when Ryan Ali was lying on the ground. Given the underwhelming standing of the offence, Stokes was cleared by the ECB to tour New Zealand, and kept playing until his trial in August 2018, which he missed a Test to attend. None of the three defendants would be convicted.
The reasoning behind the charges was never released and was attributed vaguely to ‘CPS lawyers’. The service gave the case to Alison Morgan, a prosecutor of a class known as Treasury Counsel who usually handle serious criminal matters. Morgan had a scheduling clash and never ended up court for the case, but in 2018 and 2019 she would go on to win damages and admissions of libel from The Daily Mail, The Times and The Daily Telegraph variously for incorrectly reporting that she had been responsible for the inadequate and inconsistent charging decisions.
Morgan’s successor on the case was Nicholas Corsellis QC, who on the first day of trial was permitted by the CPS to request two assault charges be added against Stokes. ‘Upon further review,’ claimed a CPS statement, ‘we considered that additional assault charges would also be appropriate.’ This was patent nonsense from the service that eight months earlier had chosen the lesser charge. Any lawyer knows that no judge will allow new charges once a trial has begun, because the defence hasn’t had time to prepare. But such a request could deflect criticism of the prosecution service by technically making the judge the one who disallows the charge.
Working through the story from the trial and the tape is complicated. You had a Ryan and a Ryan, a Hale and a Hales, a Billy and a Barry and a Ben. You had several versions of events as to who knew whom, who was drinking with whom, who had insulted whom and who had merely engaged in ‘banter’, a word that in modern Britain has to do an unconscionable amount of lifting. The reporting had constantly mixed up the Ryans as to who had which injury, who was in hospital, who had played which part in the fight, and whose mum had which stern words to say about it.
Let’s agree that from now Ryan Ali is Ryan One, the firefighter who ended up with a fractured eye socket and a cracked tooth. Ryan Two can be Ryan Hale, the soldier who scored concussion and facial lacerations. Mr Barry and Mr O’Connell are best known per The Sun as Kai and Billy. In scorecard parlance we’ll leave the cricketers as Stokes and Hales.
Amid the confusion, Stokes and his lawyers built his case in a straightforward way. The UK legal definition of affray is ‘if a person threatens or uses unlawful violence or force towards another person, which causes another person of reasonable firmness present at the scene to fear for their safety’. That means it doesn’t account for violence that harms a target, but violence that might frighten a theoretical bystander. The wiggle room for Stokes was with ‘unlawful’, because the charge excuses violence in defending oneself or others.
This interpretation hinged on the beginning of the video, where Ryan One waves a beer bottle about and takes a swing at Kai. The version from Stokes was that he was minding his own business walking down the street when he heard homophobic abuse. He intervened verbally and was threatened verbally by Ryan One – something that Ryan One denied but that couldn’t be proved or disproved. In fear for his safety Stokes had to nullify that threat by bashing Ryan One before it went the other way. He registered Ryan Two in his peripheral vision as another possible threat, and again had only one recourse.
Stokes also had to convince the jury to disregard testimony from Mbargo’s bouncer that he had been looking for a fight. A solid lump of a man, Andrew Cunningham had not enjoyed his patron’s attempts to get back into the club after the bouncer declined an offer of a bribe. ‘He got a bit verbally abusive towards myself. He mentioned my gold teeth and he said I looked like a cunt and I replied, “Thank you very much.” He just looked at me and told me my tattoos were shit and to look at my job.’ Cunningham described these words as coming in ‘a spiteful tone, quite an angry tone’, and said that Stokes still seemed angry as he walked away.
These were details the doorman had nothing to gain by inventing, but each of them Stokes denied. By his own accounting he had drunk a beer at the game and three pints at his hotel, then ‘potentially had some Jägerbombs’ along with half a dozen vodkas at the club. He insisted that after all of this he was not drunk.
If I may take a moment here to call upon the wisdom of experience – a person who cannot definitively say whether they have had any Jägerbombs has definitely had some Jägerbombs. A Jägerbomb is an experience that does not pass one by. Further to that, a person who says they have ‘potentially’ done something has definitely done that thing and doesn’t want to admit it. A person who has had between 15 and 24 standard drinks in one evening is shitfaced. A person who tries to bribe a bouncer £300 – three hundred quid! – to get into Mbargo – Mbargo! – is beyond shitfaced.
If Stokes admitted that he was drunk then the prosecution could say he was out of control. He claimed clear recall of assessing a threat, feeling fear and deciding to protect himself with force. He confidently denied details from the bouncer’s testimony, like using the word ‘cunt’ or mentioning gold teeth. Yet on other details he claimed a ‘significant memory blackout’. He didn’t remember the punch that saw Ryan One taken away by ambulance. He didn’t remember what the Ryans had said to Kai and Billy, only that those words were homophobic. With no head injury, as one of the few people who hadn’t been hit, he had supposedly suffered this memory loss despite being sober.
The version from Kai and Billy was compatible but vague: they had been walking along, they ‘heard … shouts’ of abuse from an unspecified source, then Stokes ‘stepped in’ and thus they avoided possible harm. They claimed to have been bought a drink by Stokes at Mbargo, although CCTV showed them meeting outside. The overall implication from both accounts was that the cricketers had been pals with Kai and Billy, while the Ryans as per The Sun’s headline were a roving band of thugs.
The reality though is that the Ryans were the ones hanging out with Kai and Billy at Mbargo. Police discussed CCTV from inside the club in questioning and at trial. On that footage the four Bristolians bought drinks for one another, danced together, and Kai was noted to have variously touched Ryan Two’s crotch and Ryan One’s buttock. Ryan One told police that all of this was taken lightheartedly and wasn’t a problem. Indeed, when the Ryans called it a night the other two left with them.
This much is clear from footage out the front of Mbargo, which shows Kai and Billy exit the club and start talking with a subdued Hales and a demonstrative Stokes, who are stuck outside. The vision was played in court to determine whether Stokes was antagonistic towards Kai and Billy, as he appears to impersonate them and to throw a lit cigarette their way. More interesting is that after a few minutes the Ryans emerge, and all six actors in the fight video briefly form a prequel in the one frame.
Ryan Two pats Billy on the chest in friendly fashion with his right hand before clapping him on the back with his left. He moves past and does the same to Kai before leaving the shot. Ryan One stops to speak to Kai. They lean in for a moment, talking, then Kai turns and they walk out of frame together. Billy hangs around for a few seconds at the door and then looks after them and races to catch up. Stokes and Hales remain outside the club to remonstrate further with the bouncers. Whatever discord develops around the corner is between four men who left amicably together minutes earlier.
There’s no way to know what caused that friction. If Ryan One did use homophobic slurs, he might have been drunkenly obnoxious for no reason. He might have had an insecure macho response to some extra flirtation. He might have thought unkindness was funny – ‘banter’ once again. Or he might have said something that was misunderstood, as both Ryans insisted in court that they had not used nor had the impulse to use any abusive language.
What clearly didn’t happen was an attack by bigots on random passers-by. This kind of crime is regular enough that an audience understands the horror of it, and this is what was evoked by the public accounts of Stokes, Billy and Kai. All we know is that there was some verbal dispute among the Bristol locals, and that Stokes came along behind them and put himself in the middle of it. Ryan One responded to the interference aggressively and away they went. There are plenty of reasons to look sideways at the idea that Stokes was a saviour. Foremost, neither Kai nor Billy was called upon as witnesses in court. You’d think it would be ideal to have Stokes’ story backed up by those who benefited from his selflessness. But his defence team had developed the impression that the pair had shown a changeable recall of events amid a hard-partying lifestyle, and would be dismantled by the prosecution on the stand.
That raises the question of whether The Sun coached their quotes for the 2017 interview. Despite missing court, Kai and Billy clearly enjoyed the attention. In 2018 after the trial they did a follow-up spread in the same paper about how poor Ben had been mistreated. They got a television spot on Good Morning Britain and glowed about his heroism. In 2019 The Sun wheeled them out once more to say that Stokes should get a knighthood. In 2017 they had ‘never watched cricket’ but by 2019 were supposedly volunteering sentences like, ‘He saved us, now he’s saved the Ashes.’ Whether they were paid for these appearances is not known, but the chance to be famous for a day can be lure enough.
If you find this cynical, consider that on the night in question, the Bristol boys were so deeply moved and thankful for Ben’s intervention that they left him to be arrested and never attempted to find out who he was. Seconds after the video ended, an off-duty policeman reached the scene. You might think that someone grateful to a saviour would speak on his behalf. Instead, said Kai, ‘it all got a bit scary so we walked off. It was too much for me and we went to Quigley’s takeaway for chicken burgers and cheesy chips.’ They didn’t give their hero a thought for over a month while police issued multiple appeals for witnesses.
As for Stokes, he told his arresting officer that ‘his friends’ had been attacked. After three minutes of chat outside a nightclub, these friends were so dear to him that he has never contacted them again: not after the newspaper piece, not after the verdict. He didn’t want to see how they were or thank them for their support. He didn’t mention them by name in his solicitor’s statement after the trial.
The Stokes defence rested on Ryan One’s bottle, which he had carried out of Mbargo to finish a beer, not to use in a Sharks versus Jets amateur production. But once he turned it over to hold it by the neck it became a weapon. Intent and interpretation can change the material nature of things. Part of Stokes’ justification in court was that the bottle implied that the two Ryans might have ‘other weapons’ hidden away. You can understand how a jury could decide that created doubt.
Not being convicted, though, doesn’t give the contents of the video a big green tick. It does not, as his lawyer claimed, vindicate Stokes. Looking in detail, Ryan One is belligerent but his movements telegraph a bluff. Hales is the person he’s gesturing at, but they’re several metres apart when Ryan One cocks his arm ostentatiously, showing off the bottle rather than bracing to swing. He skips forward but Hales skips back and Ryan One doesn’t follow. Kai stretches out an arm to impede Ryan One, who has a drunken stumble, nearly eats pavement, then staggers towards Kai and hits him in the back. That hand is still holding the bottle, but his strike is a side-arm cuff on a soft part of the body. It’s all pretty tame.
This is where Stokes gets involved. Having moved across to protect Hales, he now takes three large steps to run around Kai and booms his first punch at Ryan One. They fall to the ground and the bottle clinks away. Stokes gets to his feet to punch down at the fallen man, while Hales arrives to kick him ineffectively then runs off across the street for some unknown reason. Ice-cream van? Stokes is soon back in the grapple having his shirt pulled up to show off his Durham tan. Ryan Two steps in for the first time to pull Stokes away, prompting a couple more random punches at this new target, then Stokes trips backwards over Ryan One and sprawls in the street. Hales chooses this moment to return and aim some solid kicks at the head of the man on the ground. Nothing so far is a triumph of moral philosophy or the pugilistic arts. But if it all stopped here, perhaps you could say it was somewhere approaching fair. Ryan One has behaved like a turnip and it’s not an entirely unjust world that would give him a whack across the chops. The antagonists have disentangled, Stokes has some distance, it’s time to dust off and go home. Ryan Two steps forward for this purpose with his palm raised in conciliatory style and says, ‘Settle down, stop.’
So Stokes punches him.
It’s roughly his fifth punch overall, and he really winds up into this one. He misses so hard that he stumbles away into the shadows of the shop awnings along the road.
Hales starts shouting for him to stop. Ryan Two backs into the street, still holding his palm up. Stokes closes on him from about five metres away, six large steps, to where Ryan Two is standing on his own. Stokes pushes him a couple of times, as Ryan Two keeps trying to placate him and saying ‘Stop.’ Stokes throws his sixth punch, largely missing as his target ducks.
Ryan Two keeps pulling away and reversing, into the middle of the street now. Stokes follows him, grabbing his sleeve to drag him back. By this point Ryan One has found his feet and walked around behind his friend. Both of them are in the same line of sight for Stokes, and both are backing away. Stokes aims his seventh and his eighth punches, which Ryan Two tries to deflect, as Hales walks up behind Stokes to grab him.
Stokes yanks away from his friend and switches to Ryan One instead, taking seven paces to grab him before throwing his ninth punch of the night. He grabs again; Ryan One blocks that arm and pushes himself back away from Stokes. Ryan Two again intercedes, putting himself between the two with his palms up and his arm extended.
Stokes throws his tenth punch, a right-hander at the face of Ryan Two, then shoves him backwards. Ryan Two backs away once more, four paces. Stokes follows, steadies, lines up, then launches his strongest punch yet, his eleventh, a proper right hook from a solid base, one that cracks across the man’s head and gives him concussion. Ryan Two ends up flat on his back in the middle of the street, his hands still outstretched for a moment in useless protest until they twitch and drop to the blacktop.
Stokes isn’t done. He once more shoves away the restraining Hales and follows Ryan One, who keeps backing away saying, ‘Alright, alright, alright.’ Five more paces from Stokes before another blow at the man’s head. Kai and Billy are now standing over the poleaxed Ryan Two. The video ends, but seconds later Stokes will punch Ryan One hard enough to knock him out too, before off-duty cop Andrew Spure arrives on the scene to bring down the curtain. When the body-camera footage kicks in some minutes later, Stokes is in handcuffs but Ryan One is still laid out in the street. Ryan Two has regained consciousness, folded his shirt under his friend’s head and is asking police for an ambulance.
‘At this point, I felt vulnerable and frightened. I was concerned for myself and others.’ This was how Stokes described that sequence to the court. An elite athlete with years of gym work and training to snap a bat through the line of a ball with astounding power and precision, swinging fists as hard as he can at men with none of those advantages. Punching so hard that he breaks his hand, and repeatedly shoving away a friend so he can punch some more. Frightened and threatened by two targets shouting ‘Get back!’ and ‘Stop!’
The off-duty officer testified that Stokes ‘seemed to be the main aggressor or was progressing forward trying to get to’ Ryan One, who was ‘trying to back away or get away from the situation’. The student who filmed the video can be heard on the tape at one stage exclaiming ‘Fuck!’ and testified that it was because ‘I felt a little bit sorry about the lad that had been punched and it looked like he had his hands up’. That tallied with the prosecutor’s depiction of ‘a sustained episode of significant violence that left onlookers shocked at what was taking place’.
The defendant stuck to his strategy. ‘No, my sole focus was to protect myself.’ All up, in the 33 seconds of footage after he falls over, Stokes takes 35 steps forward to keep hitting two men who keep trying to get away. Not once is he hit back.
After the verdict, Stokes’ solicitor positioned him as the victim. It had been ‘an eleven-month ordeal for Ben … The jury’s decision fairly reflects the truth of what happened that night … He was minding his own business … It was only when others came under threat that Ben became physically engaged. The steps that he took were solely aimed at ensuring the safety of himself and the others present …’ The statement was impossibly self-righteous and self-absorbed.
If there was anyone to feel sorry for it was Ryan Hale, the second of our two Ryans. He’s the one who emerged from the club with a friendly arm around the shoulder for Kai and Billy. He’s the one who interposed himself to end the fight, then kept putting himself back in the firing line, trying to calm an intimidating stranger while dodging blows. For his show of restraint he got laid out regardless, concussed in the street, then was issued a criminal charge equal to that of the man who hit him, and described in national media as a violent bigot in an untested story to support that man’s defence.
Lawyers for Ryan Two made a more convincing post-trial statement, noting that Kai and Billy, ‘neither of whom were relied upon by the prosecution or the defence team for Mr Stokes, have taken the opportunity to speak with various media outlets about the alleged homophobic abuse that they received in the early hours of September 25. Mr Hale has passionately denied this allegation throughout the course of this case,’ it continued.
‘It is upsetting to Mr Hale that although he was acquitted, the accusation that he was the author of such abuse remains. Both Mr Hale and Mr Ali were knocked unconscious by Mr Stokes, and although Mr Stokes has been acquitted of an affray, Mr Hale struggles with the reasons why the Crown Prosecution Service did not treat him as a victim of an unlawful assault.’Good question. Avon and Somerset police were the investigating force, and they were frustrated by the decision. Ryan Two was filmed clearly not hurting anyone, but police were instructed by the CPS to proceed with a charge. Hales (the cricketer) was filmed fighting but ‘a decision was made at a senior level of the CPS’ not to proceed. Police expected Stokes to be charged with assault but the CPS declined. It doesn’t take a wild cynic to think that placing the same lukewarm charge on three men for vastly divergent behaviour might ensure that none would be convicted, even as the trial would maintain the pretence that a defendant of influential standing had not been given a free pass.
A couple of years down the line, the original interview with Kai and Billy has disappeared. All traces have been scrubbed from The Sun website, its social media history, and even from the Wayback Machine internet archive. Given its headline of ‘homophobic thugs’ and text that names Ryan Two but not Ryan One, the libel liability isn’t hard to spot. Later interviews with Kai and Billy take the passive voice – they ‘suffered homophobic slurs outside a Bristol nightclub’.
The article that was once claimed to exonerate brave Ben Stokes now links only to a missing content page, with a picture of a dropped ice-cream cone and the phrase ‘legal removal’ inserted into the web URL. In terms of consequences, Stokes missed one tour. When he resumed his career in January 2018, the Australians hadn’t yet ruined theirs. Their year-long bans looked much more stringent. But the Stokes case dragged on in other ways. With no criminal liability, the Australians confessed promptly enough for the sporting world to give them the full length of the lash. Their situation was ugly but there was closure. Stokes got stuck in legal stasis, unable to be fully backed or condemned. Instead his issue was always present, a browser full of open tabs that the ECB swore they would read any day now.
Through 2018 Stokes was back but he wasn’t back, in the sunglasses and finger-guns sense. In his return one-day series he nearly cost England a match with 39 from 73 balls in Wellington. His first Test hit was a duck as England got rolled in Auckland for 58. At Trent Bridge while Stokes was injured, England posted a world record 481 against Australia. With Stokes three weeks later at the same ground they made 268. He crawled to 50 from 103, the second-slowest any Englishman had reached that milestone in 20 years. That span covered Alastair Cook’s whole career. It was apologetic batting, acting out responsibility via the scorecard. Stokes was creeping back into the team like he’d been kicked out in a blazing row and was hoping to tip-toe to the sofa.
It was December 2018 before the ECB disciplinary committee ruled on him and Hales. In a ‘remarkable coincidence’, wrote Simon Heffer in The Telegraph, ‘the punishment both players faced in terms of bans from playing at international level was covered by the amount of games they had already missed when dropped by England’s selectors, in the furore that followed the incident’. The verdict compounded the omissions around the case by not addressing the violence at its heart. Nor did Stokes, apologising only ‘to my team-mates, coaches and support staff’, and then ‘to England supporters and to the public for bringing the game into disrepute’.
The implicit next step was to rebuild that reputation. It might have been easier had his court defence not meant that he wasn’t game to admit any fault at all. It might have been easier if he or his advisers had been willing to change tack once the trial was done. Imagine a world where Stokes had stood outside court and apologised for overreacting, for the injuries he’d caused, and for the time and energy he had sucked out of other people’s lives. That would have been a show of responsibility beyond a scorecard. When the time came around to assess forgiveness, it might have meant forgiveness was deserved.

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I Spent 24 Hours In A Doomsday Bunker - YouTube

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