Disgraced fashion mogul Peter Nygard's own SON is helping police investigate his alleged sex crimes By Guy Adams Investigates For The Daily Mail
15 Jan 2021
Link to article 'He has become my arch-nemesis. I no longer regard him as my father . . . He is a monster. I am now here to serve in any way I can, to support survivors and the justice process and also to help expose the people who covered up his crimes.'
Kai Bickle's world came tumbling down one night in May 2019, when he attended a dinner party at a lavishly decorated mansion overlooking the golden sands of Venice Beach in Los Angeles.
The host was his father, Peter Nygard, a Canadian fashion tycoon famed for the hedonistic lifestyle he pursued at a global portfolio of high-end properties, including vast residences in Winnipeg, Toronto and Montreal, as well as New York, and, most notoriously, a Mayan-themed 'private luxury resort' in the Bahamas.
Modelling himself on Playboy founder Hugh Hefner, the flamboyant Nygard, now 79, kept a revolving harem of girlfriends. Those caught up (often completely unwittingly) in this web had included actresses Susan Anton and Jennifer O'Neill, stripper-turned-reality star Anna Nicole Smith, and a former Wheel Of Fortune card turner by the name of Vanna White.
His Caribbean parties, meanwhile, tended to attract a better class of A-lister. Past visitors to the island property had ranged from Jane Seymour and Bo Derek to Robert De Niro, , Michael Jackson and Joan Collins, not to mention and , who were photographed there in the early 2000s on an innocuous family holiday.
The 2019 bash, during one of Peter's occasional business trips to LA, was to be a more down-to-earth affair. Roughly 20 guests, including Kai, 38, and his younger brother Jessar (one of roughly ten offspring Nygard has fathered via more than seven women) had been invited for food and drinks, followed by a late-night poker game.
That was the plan, at least. But Kai never made it to the card- table. Instead, he fled the lavish premises in a state of distress, shortly after dinner, believing that he had just witnessed his father attempting to sexually assault an eight-year-old girl.
Details of this ugly development are (it should be stressed) strongly disputed, and we shall examine them later. But the incident would kick-start an extraordinary chain of events that culminated just before Christmas, with the arrest of Peter Nygard on nine charges of sex trafficking and racketeering.
Currently behind bars, with his $900 million (£660 million) business empire in tatters and the FBI poring over his computer hard-drives, the fallen tycoon has now been accused of rape or sexual assault by at least 57 women. Several of Nygard's accusers were children when the alleged crimes took place, and many claim they were drugged.
At least 57 women have accused him.
He will appear in court in Canada next week, seeking bail as he fights extradition to the USA.
It is, perhaps, the most high-profile and shocking sex case since handcuffs were slapped on Jeffrey Epstein. And in a remarkable twist, it turns out that a leading figure in the increasingly public campaign to prosecute Mr Nygard is his aforementioned son, Kai.
Upcoming documentary: ‘Unseamly’ Canadian Designer Peter Nygård
True Crime Documentary Behind the scenes, I can reveal that Kai has spent the past 18 months secretly helping both the U.S. and Canadian authorities investigate his own father's alleged crimes. Keeping his role hidden from Nygard and his associates for several months, he has worked tirelessly to assist victims, and their legal teams.
On the personal front, he has changed his name (taking up his mother's surname to become Kai Zen Bickle) and used his influence over various Nygard companies to block efforts to move his assets offshore, fearing that would allow him to flee. 'We have been engaged in a brutal battle against my father and his enablers,' is how Kai summed things up when we spoke this week.
'He has become my arch-nemesis. I no longer regard him as my father . . . He is a monster. I am now here to serve in any way I can, to support survivors and the justice process and also to help expose the people who covered up his crimes.'
Perhaps most remarkably of all, Kai recently helped two of his younger siblings, one of whom remains a minor, to sue Peter Nygard over claims he 'engineered' the rape of his own sons. In an extraordinary lawsuit filed in August, the boys claimed that their leathery, multi-millionaire father instructed one of his long-standing girlfriends (who was also a sex worker) to 'make a man' out of them.
The first of these alleged attacks (which, again, are vehemently denied by Nygard) took place in the Bahamas 2004, when the son was 15 and the woman was in her mid-20s. The second occurred in Winnipeg in 2018, when the younger child was 14 and the woman was in her 40s. Court papers filed by the boys stated that the unnamed girlfriend was instructed to seduce Nygard's son by showering in his bathroom so that he 'could see her naked'. Then she raped him.
Afterwards, she allegedly told the boy he 'wasn't bad' for a 'baby.' The next morning, Nygard's girlfriend brought him breakfast in bed, kissing him on the lips and announcing: 'Mommy's got you.' Kai says he first became aware of this appalling incident last spring, and was 'sickened' to hear his brothers' claims.
He would often yell and scream at his staff.
'We all spoke and decided the best course of action was to file a lawsuit publicly in the hope that other survivors would feel safe to come forward and also file criminally against Nygard,' he says. 'We were originally going to have me in the suit as my young brother's guardian, but in the end decided not to because it would reveal to Nygard that I was working against him . . . At the time I was [secretly] doing everything I could to improve the odds that he would get arrested.'
To appreciate the extraordinary journey taken by Kai, we must wind the clock back to the mid-1980s, when his father was one of Canada's most talked-about self-made millionaires.
The son of penniless immigrants from Finland, Peter Nygard had launched his empire in the late 1960s, with an $8,000 (£6,000) investment in a struggling fashion firm. By the time he was 30, the company had become one of North America's most successful suppliers of leisure and sportswear, while his flamboyant eccentricities, which included keeping parrots in his office and filling the lobby of Nygard HQ with bronze busts of himself, turned him into an object of public fascination.
In 1987, the party-loving entrepreneur purchased a 4.5-acre patch of the island of New Providence in the Bahamas and set about turning it into a 'dream home' where he could indulge his champagne lifestyle. Over the ensuing years, he built 150,000 sq ft of Mayan-themed buildings, stretching over a dozen 'cabana-style' residences. The buildings at Nygard Cay eventually included a casino, a disco hut (with cameras beneath the dance floor, reportedly to shoot images of revellers from below), and the world's largest sauna, a 6,000 sq ft lodge made from 2ft-thick Canadian pine logs.
In the grounds were fake volcanoes that belched dry ice, a flock of peacocks, stone cobras which hissed steam at sunset, 60 ft towers festooned with hundreds of flaming torches (lit nightly by staff) and giant statues of nude women, purportedly modelled on some of Nygard's favourite girlfriends.
At weekends, he would host lavish parties, which appeared on various TV documentaries, including Lifestyles Of The Rich And Famous.
The place became a magnet for freeloading celebrities and, while Kai believes they generally had the most fleeting and brief relationship with Nygard, photos of their visits were then plastered across company literature and websites.
Prince Andrew, to cite one example, was recorded for posterity wandering with the long-haired fashion magnate on the beach, wearing blue shorts and boat shoes.
Born in the 1980s, Kai spent the first three years of his life in the Bahamas until his mother, Patricia, left Nygard, with whom she'd had three children but never married.
They moved first to California and then to the Pacific Northwest in the U.S. Over subsequent years, he had almost no regular contact with the fashion tycoon aside from occasional visits during school holidays, where he met various half-siblings.
'He would have one family weekend per year at his lake cottage, and a few days set aside for Christmas,' says Kai of the somewhat unorthodox arrangement. 'During those times, the days were filled with activities like horseback riding or mini golf.
'He could be a very charismatic person when he wanted to be and the family weekends were very light and brief.'
In the very limited time he spent with his father during childhood, Kai saw nothing that gave him reason to suspect that Peter Nygard was guilty of criminality, though he did have a highly volatile personality.
'He would yell and scream at his staff often, and that always was upsetting to everyone around it, but he would describe his yelling as 'passion' because of his 'high standards',' Kai says.
Nygard's children were further told that he 'lived a consensual, non-monogamous lifestyle,' Kai says. 'He made speeches at dinner to family when we were together to talk about how he hoped everyone got a wonderful partner and wished that he could find that special someone, but that it wasn't the life for him.
'He also had girlfriends that were persistently with him, always two or three, and often they were around for years. He wasn't embarrassed about it. He flaunted it on TV, it was part of his brand, something he showed the whole world. He was proud of it.'
Be that as it may, rumours of predatory behaviour by Nygard —and worse — had occasionally reared their ugly head, only to be quickly suppressed: a relatively easy task before the internet.
In 1980, for example, he was charged with the rape of an 18-year-old, but the charge was dropped when the complainant refused to testify. In 1996, three female employees meanwhile filed sexual harassment complaints in the Canadian province of Manitoba.
It looked like his hand was on her thigh, rubbing.
One, a 39-year-old communications manager, said that, when called into Nygard's office, she would 'find him in a state of undress . . . with his hands down the front of his pants, fondling himself.' He settled by giving the women $18,500 (£13,600) and denied any wrongdoing.
Then, in 2010, a Canadian TV network put out a Panorama-style documentary about Nygard, focusing on alleged sex abuse and harassment of former employees.
It quoted a former stewardess on his private plane who alleged that on one journey — during which Nygard was accompanied by a troupe of topless women — he lost his temper with staff, shouting: 'You are nothing! You are garbage! I am God!'
The programme also alleged that Nygard had engaged in 'inappropriate sexual contact' with a young woman who had been brought to his home in 2003 from the Dominican Republic. Nygard denied that either incident had happened, and sued to stop the documentary being broadcast.
Fast forward to May 2019, however, and those ugly incidents were largely forgotten. Kai, who was by then in his late 30s, had worked for his father's companies for just over two years after leaving college, but quit to pursue a career in activism and health science.
Nygard's trip to Los Angeles afforded them a rare opportunity to catch up, so he attended the aforementioned dinner party in Venice Beach.
As the night wore on, he recalls becoming uncomfortable about his father's behaviour towards an eight-year-old girl, who was attending with her mother, one of Nygard's old girlfriends.
'He's got her sitting right next to him at dinner, which is usually his girlfriend chair. And he's a creature of routine. So I'm already thinking this is weird.
'He's trying to act like the Papa. It was just weird . . . I'm noticing things. I'm noticing that he's telling her little secrets at dinner. Putting his hand close to her ear and going all hush-hush.' At the end of dinner, most of the other 20-odd guests got up to adjourn to the card table. However, Kai adds: 'I'm still watching him. Her chair gets pushed back. He brings her round to him.
'She was on his right side. He brings her to his left side, with his arm around her waist, and I see his elbow change and start moving as if — it looked to me, I couldn't see, but it looked like his hand was on her upper thigh, and rubbing. That's what it looked like to me . . . Everything in my body told me he was doing something terrible.'
'I had a huge adrenaline rush and I immediately told the mother to get her daughter away from him,' he adds. 'I stood up next to him and looked in his eyes. At that moment, for me, it was like all the walls were crashing down around him . . . And I realised that, yeah, he's probably trying to groom that girl.'
Nygard vigorously denied wrongdoing, and even called Kai 'sick' for thinking as much. But Kai was unconvinced.
Then, in February last year, ten women filed a bombshell lawsuit in New York claiming that the fashion magnate had used wealth and status to 'entice underage girls' from 'young, impressionable and often impoverished backgrounds' into his home, where they would be 'plied with alcohol' and (some allege) date-rape drugs, before being taken to Nygard's private quarters, where he would 'assault, rape and sodomise' them. Court papers claimed they were then coerced into joining a globe-trotting harem of sex workers paid thousands of dollars from Nygard's company funds and trafficked around the world on his company's private jet, which reportedly boasts a stripper pole.
One alleged victim, who was just 14 at the time, claimed Nygard raped her and paid her $5,000 (£3,700).
Another said her encounter with Nygard began with him showing her pornography after which he raped her, 'causing her extraordinary trauma and pain', the suit states.
Three of his existing ten accusers were 14 at the time. Three more were 15.
Within days, dozens more alleged victims had come forward. By the summer, some 57 survivors were pursuing legal action — and the number of alleged victims had reached 100.
Kai again confronted his father, only to be told it was all 'lies' and asked to speak out publicly in his father's support. But days later a friend texted Kai to complain about a recent visit to Nygard's house in Los Angeles.
'He said he'd brought a female friend with him, who had one or two drinks and had started to feel very high. Nygard took her up to his room and aggressively had sex with her, not using a condom.
'When I heard that, I knew he was not only as bad as people said he was, but was a dangerous criminal and had to be stopped.' He duly alerted the authorities about the friend's message. In a podcast called Live To Walk Again, released this week, he revealed that he began helping both the police and the alleged victims' lawyers, who he regards as 'heroes'.
Over the summer, Kai also used official positions held in Nygard firms to block two apparent efforts to move assets overseas, amid concerns that the tycoon might flee to evade justice.
PODCAST EPISODE: Peter Nygard Discusses His Father 'Through the course of ten months I also helped several survivors to file criminally against him, and spent countless hours on the phone with survivors, lawyers and authorities,' he says. Last month Nygard was arrested on U.S. charges at a home in the Royalwood area of Winnipeg. He spent Christmas behind bars and has consistently denied any wrongdoing, saying he 'expects to be vindicated' in court.
Kai has renounced his inheritance and is working on 'making the world a better place' by campaigning to close legal loopholes exploited by sex offenders.
'I'm very happy earning my own money, as I have all my life. We've never had a trust fund or an allowance, and since his money has been made through pain and suffering, I won't accept a potential inheritance,' he says.
His father's cash, he says, should instead go towards compensating victims. 'My focus now is to help the healing process.'
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Ace Combat 6: Kaihou e no Senka / Lost Planet: Colonies
Ace Combat Advance
Ace Combat Assault Horizon
Ace Combat X: Skies of Deception
Ace Combat Zero: The Belkan War
Ace Combat: Assault Horizon Legacy
Ace Combat: Assault Horizon Legacy+
Ace Combat: Joint Assault
Ace Lightning
Ace o Nerae!
Ace of Aces
Aces of War
Aces of the Air
Acid
Acid Drop
Aconcagua
Acrobat Mission
Acrylic Palette: Irodori Cafe - Cheers
ActRaiser
ActRaiser 2
Action 52
Action Bass
Action Fighter
Action Girlz Racing
Action Man A.T.O.M.: Alpha Teens on Machines
Action Man: Destruction X
Action Man: Operation Extreme
Action Man: Robot Atak
Action Man: Search for Base X
Action Pachio
Action Pack: Prince of Persia Revelations, Driver 76, Rainbow Six Vegas
Active Health with Carol Vorderman
Active Life Explorer
Active Life Value Pack
Active Life: Extreme Challenge
Active Life: Magical Carnival
Active Life: Outdoor Challenge
Activision Anthology
Activision Classic Games
Activision Demo Action Pack
Activision Hits Remixed
Actua Golf 3
Actua Ice Hockey
Actua Ice Hockey 2
Actua Pool
Actua Soccer 2
Actua Soccer 3
Actua Soccer: Club Edition
Actua Tennis
Ad Lib Ouji ...to Fuyukai na Nakama-tachi!?
Adam & Eve
Adam's Venture Chronicles
Adam's Venture: Origins
Addams Family Values
Addie no Okurimono: To Moze from Addie
Adian no Tsue
Adiboo & Paziral's Secret
Adiboo and the Energy Thieves
Adibou Et L'Ombre Verte
Adidas Power Soccer
Adidas Power Soccer 2
Adidas Power Soccer 98
Adidas Power Soccer International '97
Adidas miCoach
Adrenalin Misfits
Adult Swim Collection
Advan Racing
Advance Guardian Heroes
Advance Wars
Advance Wars 2: Black Hole Rising
Advance Wars: Days of Ruin
Advance Wars: Dual Strike
Advanced Daisenryaku 2001
Advanced Daisenryaku: Deutsch Dengeki Sakusen
Advanced Daisenryaku: Europe no Arashi - Doitsu Dengeki Sakusen
Advanced Dungeons & Dragons
Advanced Dungeons & Dragons: DragonStrike
Advanced Dungeons & Dragons: Dragons of Flame
Advanced Dungeons & Dragons: Eye of the Beholder
Advanced Dungeons & Dragons: Heroes of the Lance
Advanced Dungeons & Dragons: Hillsfar
Advanced Dungeons & Dragons: Iron & Blood: Warriors of Ravenloft
Advanced Dungeons & Dragons: Pool of Radiance
Advanced Dungeons & Dragons: Treasure of Tarmin
Advanced V.G.
Advanced V.G. 2
Advanced World War: Sennen Teikoku no Koubou
Advent Rising
Adventure
Adventure II
Adventure Island
Adventure Island 3
Adventure Island II
Adventure Island II: Aliens in Paradise
Adventure Mega Pack
Adventure Player
Adventure Quiz Capcom World: Hatena no Daibouken
Adventure Time: Explore the Dungeon Because I DON'T KNOW!
Adventure Time: Finn and Jake Investigations
Adventure Time: Hey Ice King! Why'd You Steal Our Garbage?!
Adventure Time: The Secret of the Nameless Kingdom
Adventure of Little Ralph
Adventure of Tokyo Disney Sea
Adventures in Letterland With Jack and Jill
Adventures of Dino Riki
Adventures of Lolo
Adventures of Lolo 2
Adventures of Lolo 3
Adventures of Tom Sawyer
Adventures of Tron
Adventures of Yogi Bear
Adventures to Go!
Aedis Eclipse: Generation of Chaos
Aegis of Earth: Protonovus Assault
Aeon Flux
AereA
Aerial Assault
Aero Blasters
Aero Dancing F: Todoroki Tsubasa no Hatsu Hikou
Aero Dancing i
Aero Dancing i: Jikai Sakuma de Machite Masen
Aero Dancing: Torodoki Taichou no Himitsu Disc
Aero Elite: Combat Academy
Aero Fighters
Aero Fighters 2
Aero Fighters 3
Aero Fighters Assault
Aero The Acro-Bat
Aero the Acro-Bat
Aero the Acro-Bat 2
Aero the Acro-bat
AeroGauge
AeroWings
AeroWings 2: Air Strike
Aerobics Revolution
Aerobiz
Aerobiz Supersonic
Aerostar
AeternoBlade
Afraid Gear
Afraid Gear Another
Afrika
Afro Inu: The Puzzle
Afro Samurai
After Armageddon Gaiden: Majuu Toushouden Eclipse
After Burner
After Burner II
After Burner III
After Burner: Black Falcon
After Burst
After Hours Athletes
After... Wasureenu Kizuna
Again: Interactive Crime Novel
Agarest Senki Mariage
Agassi Tennis Generation
Agatha Christie's The ABC Murders
Agatha Christie: And Then There Were None
Agatha Christie: Evil Under the Sun
Agatha Christie: The ABC Murders
Age of Empires II: The Age of Kings
Age of Empires: Mythologies
Age of Empires: The Age of Kings
Agent Armstrong: Himitsu Shirei Daisakusen
Agent Collection
Agent Hugo
Agent Hugo: Hula Holiday
Agent Hugo: Lemoon Twist
Agent Hugo: Roborumble
Agents of Mayhem
Aggressive Inline
Aggressors of Dark Kombat
Agile Warrior F-111X
Ai Cho Aniki
Ai Sensei no Oshiete: Watashi no Hoshi
Ai Senshi Nicol
Ai Yori Aoshi
Aibou DS
Aidyn Chronicles: The First Mage
Aigiina no Yogen: Balubalouk no Densetsu Yori
Aigina no Yogen: Balubalouk no Densetsu Yori
Aikagi
Aikatsu Stars! My Special Appeal
Aikatsu! 2-nin no My Princess
Aikatsu! 365-Hi no Idol Days
Aikatsu! Cinderella Lesson
Aikatsu! My No.1 Stage!
Ailu de Puzzle
Air
Air Battle!
Air Buster
Air Cavalry
Air Combat
Air Conflicts Double Pack
Air Conflicts: Aces of World War II
Air Conflicts: Pacific Carriers
Air Conflicts: Secret Wars
Air Conflicts: Secret Wars - Ultimate Edition
Air Conflicts: Vietnam
Air Conflicts: Vietnam Ultimate Edition
Air Diver
Air Fortress
Air Hockey
Air Management '96
Air Race Championship
Air Raid
Air Raid 3
Air Raiders
Air Ranger 2 Plus: Rescue Helicopter
Air Ranger 2: Rescue Helicopter
Air Ranger: Rescue Helicopter
Air Rescue
Air Strike
Air Traffic Chaos
Air Zonk
Air-Sea Battle
AirBlade
AirBoarder 64
AirForce Delta
AirForce Delta Storm
AirForce Delta Strike
AirGrave
Airaki
Airborne Troops: Countdown to D-Day
Aircars
Airlock
Aironauts
Airs Adventure
Airship Q
Airwolf
Airwolf (Japan)
Aishiau Kotoshika Dekinai
Aisle Lord
Aitakute...Your Smiles in My Heart
Aiyoku no Eustia: Angel's Blessing
Aka-Chan Doubutsu Sono
Akagawa Jirou Mystery: Tsuki no Hikari
Akagawa Jirou Mystery: Yasoukyoku - Hon ni Manekareta Satsujin
Akagawa Jirou no Yuurei Ressha
Akagawa Jirou: Majotachi no Nemuri: Fukkatsusai
Akagawa Jirou: Yasoukyoku
Akagawa Jirou: Yasoukyoku 2
Akagi: Touhaiden
Akagi: Yami ni Furitatta Tensai
Akai Ito
Akai Ito DS
Akai Ito Destiny DS
Akai Katana
Akai Suna Ochiru Tsuki
Akane Iro ni Somaru Saka Portable
Akane Iro ni Somaru Saka: Parallel
Akatsuki no Amaneka to Aoi Kyojin
Akatsuki no Goei Trinity
Akaya Akashiya Ayakashino
Akazu no Ma
Akazukin ChaCha
Akiba's Beat
Akiba's Trip
Akiba's Trip 2+A
Akiba's Trip Plus
Akiba's Trip: Undead & Undressed
Akihabara Dennou Kumi Peta Pies!
Akira
Akira Psycho Ball
Akiyama Jin No Suugaku Mystery
Akko de Pon! Ikasama Hourouki
Akko ni Omakase! Brain Shock
Akogare Girls Collection: Lovely Youchien
Akogare Girls Collection: Mister Donut DS
Akogare Girls Collection: Ohanaya-San Monogatari
Akogare Girls Collection: Pika Pika Nurse Monogatari
Akogare Girls Collection: Suteki ni Nurse Days
Akudaikan
Akudaikan 2: Mousouden
Akudaikan 3
Akudaikan Manyuuki
Akudaikan Manyuuki: Seigi no Yaiba
Akuji the Heartless
Akuma Zensho Dainishuu
Akuma-kun: Makai no Wana
Akumajou Dracula
Akumajou Dracula X: Gekka no Yasoukyoku
Akumajou Special: Boku Dracula-kun
Akuu Senki Raijin
Al Unser Jr.'s Road to the Top
Al Unser Jr.'s Turbo Racing
Alabama Meets Will Vi
Aladdin Magic Racer
Alan Hansen's Sports Challenge
Alan Wake
Alarm for Cobra 11: Crash Time
Alarm fuer Cobra 11 Vol II
Albert Odyssey
Albert Odyssey 2: Jashin no Taidou
Albert Odyssey: Legend of Eldean
Album Club: Mune Kyun * Saint Poria Jogakuin
Alcahest
Aldynes
Aleck Bordon Adventure: Tower & Shaft Advance
Alekhine's Gun
Alex Ferguson's Player Manager 2001
Alex Ferguson's Player Manager 2002
Alex Kidd in Miracle World
Alex Kidd in Shinobi World
Alex Kidd in the Enchanted Castle
Alex Kidd: High-Tech World
Alex Kidd: The Lost Stars
Alex Rider: Stormbreaker
Alexandra Ledermann: Summer Camp Adventures
Alexi Lalas International Soccer
Alfa Romeo Racing Italiano
Alfred Chicken
Alfred's Adventure
Alia's Carnival! Sacrament
Alias
Alice in Cyberland
Alice in Wonderland
Alice no Paint Adventure
Alice on Borderlines
Alice's Mom's Rescue
Alice: Madness Returns
Alien
Alien 3
Alien Breed Trilogy
Alien Brigade
Alien Chaos 3D
Alien Crush
Alien Front Online
Alien Hominid
Alien Invaders Plus!
Alien Monster Bowling League
Alien Olympics
Alien Raiders
Alien Resurrection
Alien Soldier
Alien Storm
Alien Syndrome
Alien Trilogy
Alien vs. Predator
Alien vs. Predator: The Last of His Clan
Alien: Isolation
Alienators: Evolution Continues
Aliens Versus Predator: Extinction
Aliens in the Attic
Aliens vs. Predator
Aliens vs. Predator: Requiem
Aliens: Colonial Marines
Aliens: Infestation
Aliens: Thanatos Encounter
Alisia Dragoon
Alive
All 1
All Grown Up! Express Yourself
All Japan Pro Wrestling Featuring Virtua
All Japan Woman Pro Wrestling
All Kamen Rider: Rider Generation
All Kamen Rider: Rider Generation 2
All Kamen Rider: Rider Revolution
All Night Nippon Super Mario Bros.
All Round Hunter
All Star 5-A-Side Football
All Star Action
All Star Cheer Squad
All Star Cheer Squad 2
All Star Karate
All Star Pro-Wrestling
All Star Racing
All Star Racing 2
All Star Soccer
All Star Tennis '99
All Star Tennis 2000
All Star Tennis 99
All Star Watersports
All-Pro Basketball
All-Pro Football 2K8
All-Star 1997 Featuring Frank Thomas
All-Star Baseball
All-Star Baseball 2000
All-Star Baseball 2001
All-Star Baseball 2002
All-Star Baseball 2003
All-Star Baseball 2004
All-Star Baseball 2005
All-Star Baseball 99
All-Star Fighters
All-Star Mahjong: Kareinaru Shoubushi Kara no Chousen
All-Star Major League Baseball
All-Star Professional Wrestling II
All-Star Professional Wrestling III
All-Star Slammin' D-Ball
All-Star Tennis 2
Alleyway
Allied Ace Pilots
Allied General
Alnam no Kiba: Juuzoku Juuni Shinto Densetsu
Alnam no Tsubasa: Shoujin no Sora no Kanata e
Alone in the Dark
Alone in the Dark 2
Alone in the Dark: Inferno
Alone in the Dark: One-Eyed Jack's Revenge
Alone in the Dark: The New Nightmare
Alpha Beam With Ernie
Alpha Mission
Alpha Mission II
Alpha Protocol
Alpha and Omega
Alpine Racer 3
Alpine Ski Racing 2007
Alpine Skiing 2005
Alpine Skiing!
Alshark
Alter Echo
Altered Beast
Altered Beast: Guardian of the Realms
Altered Space: A 3-D Alien Adventure
Alundra
Alundra 2: A New Legend Begins
Alvin and the Chipmunks
Alvin and the Chipmunks: Chipwrecked
Alvin and the Chipmunks: The Squeakquel
Alzadick: Summer Carnival `92
Amaekata wa Kanojo Nari ni.
Amagami
Amagi Shien
Amagon
Amagoushi no Yakata
Amagoushi no Yakata Portable: Ichiyagi Wa, Saisho no Junan
Amatsumi Sora ni! Kumo no Hatate ni
Amazing Adventures: The Forgotten Ruins
Amazing Island
Amazing Penguin
Amazing Tater
America Daitouryou Senkyo: United State Presidental Race
America Daitouryou Senkyo: United State Presidential Race
America Oudan Ultra Quiz
America Oudan Ultra Quiz: Shijou Saidai no Tatakai
America Oudan Ultra-Quiz
America Oudan Ultra-Quiz Part 2
America Oudan Ultra-Quiz Part 3
America Oudan Ultra-Quiz Part 4
America's Army: Rise of a Soldier
America's Army: True Soldiers
America's Greatest Game Shows: Wheel of Fortune & Jeopardy!
America's Next Top Model
America's Next Top Model (2008)
America's Test Kitchen: Let's Get Cooking
American Bass Challenge
American Battle Dome
American Chopper
American Chopper 2: Full Throttle
American Dream
American Girl: Julie Finds a Way
American Girl: Kit Mystery Challenge!
American Gladiators
American Idol
American Mensa Academy
American Ninja Warrior
American Pool
American Pool II
Amerzone: The Explorer's Legacy
Amida
Amidar
Amnesia
Amnesia Twin Pack
Amnesia World
Amnesia: Crowd
Amnesia: Later
Amnesia: Later x Crowd V. Edition
Amnesia: Memories
Amok
Among the Sleep
Amped 2
Amped 3
Amped: Freestyle Snowboarding
Amplitude
An American Tail
An American Tail: Fievel Goes West
An American Tail: Fievel's Gold Rush
AnEarth Fantasy Stories: First Volume
Anan Kanshuu: Onna Dikara Kinkyuu Up! DS
Anarchy Reigns
Anastasia
Anata Dake no Private Lesson - DS de Hajimeru - Tipness no Yoga
Anata o Yurusanai
Ancient Magic: Bazoe! Mahou Sekai
Ancient Roman: Power of Dark Side
And 1 Streetball
And-Kensaku
Andre Agassi Tennis
Andre Panza Kick Boxing
Andretti Racing
Andrew Lloyd Webber Musicals: Sing and Dance
Andro Dunos
Android Assault: The Revenge of Bari-Arm
Anesan
Angel Blade: Neo Tokyo Guardians
Angel Cat Sugar
Angel Collection
Angel Graffiti S: Anata e no Profile
Angel Graffiti: Anata e no Profile
Angel Love Online
Angel Paradise Vol. 1
Angel Paradise Vol. 2: Eshinu Kimika
Angel Present
Angel Profile
Angel Senki
Angel Wish
Angel Wish: Kimi no Egao ni Chu!
Angel's Feather
Angel's Feather: Kuro no Zanei
Angelic Concert
Angelique
Angelique Duet
Angelique Etoile
Angelique History
Angelique Retour
Angelique Special
Angelique Special 2
Angelique Trois
Angelique Trois: Aizouhen
Angelique Voice Fantasy
Angelique: Maren no Rokukishi
Angelique: Tenkuu no Requiem
Angler's Club: Ultimate Bass Fishing 3D
Angolmois 99
Angry Birds Star Wars
Angry Birds Trilogy
AniMates
AnimAction
Anima: Gate of Memories
Animal Boxing
Animal Breeder
Animal Breeder 2
Animal Breeder 3
Animal Breeder 4
Animal Crossing
Animal Crossing: City Folk
Animal Crossing: Happy Home Designer
Animal Crossing: New Leaf
Animal Crossing: New Leaf - Welcome Amiibo
Animal Crossing: Wild World
Animal Crossing: amiibo Festival
Animal Football
Animal Genius
Animal Hospital
Animal Kingdom: Wildlife Expedition
Animal Mania
Animal Paradise
Animal Paradise Wild
Animal Planet: Emergency Vets
Animal Planet: Vet Collection
Animal Planet: Vet Life
Animal Snap: Rescue Them 2 By 2
Animal Soccer World
Animal Yokochou: Doki Doki Kyuushutsu Daisakusen! no Maki
Animal Yokochou: Doki*Doki Shinkyuu Shiken! no Kan
Animaniacs
Animaniacs Ten Pin Alley
Animaniacs: Lights, Camera, Action!
Animaniacs: The Great Edgar Hunt
Animastar
Animastar GB
Anime Eikaiwa: 15 Shounen Hyouryuuhen
Anime Eikaiwa: Tondemo Nezumi Daikatsuyaku
Anime Eikaiwa: Totoi
Anime Slot Revolution: Pachi-Slot Kidou Senshi Gundam II - Ai Senshi Hen
Animetic Story Game 1: Card Captor Sakura
Animorphs
Animorphs: Shattered Reality
Ankh: Curse of the Scarab King
Ankh: Tutankhamen no Nazo
Ankoku Shinwa: Yamato Takeru Densetsu
Annet Futatabi
Anno 1701: Dawn of Discovery
Ano Hi Mita Hana no Namae o Bokutachi wa Mada Shiranai
Anoko Doko Noko
Anoko wa Ore Kara Hanarenai
Anone DS
Another Bible
Another Century's Episode Portable
Another Code: R - A Journey into Lost Memories
Another Memories
Another Mind
Another Time Another Leaf: Kagami no Naka no Tantei
Another World
Anpanman Niko Niko Party
Anpanman to Asobo: ABC Kyoushitsu
Anpanman to Asobo: Aiueo Kyoushitsu
Anpanman to Asobo: New Aiueo Kyoushitsu
Anpanman to Asobu: Aiueo Kyoushitsu DX
Anpanman to Touch de Waku Waku Training
Anpanman to Touch de Wakuwaku Training
Anpfiff: Der RTL Fussball-Manager
Ansatsu Kyoushitsu: Assassin Ikusei Keikaku!!
Ansatsu Kyoushitsu: Korosensei Daihouimou!!
Ant Nation
Antarctic Adventure
Anticipation
Antiphona no Seikahime: Tenshi no Score Op.A
Antz
Antz Extreme Racing
Antz Racing
Antz World Sportz
Anubis II
Ao Zora to Nakama Tachi: Yume no Bouken
Ao Zora to Nakama Tachi: Yume no Bouken Plus
Ao no 6-gou: Antarctica
Ao no Exorcist: Genkoku no Labyrinth
Ao no Kanata no Four Rhythm
Ao no Kanata no Four Rhythm HD Edition
Ao-Don DS: Hanabi no Goku & Hanabi no Takumi
Aoi Hagane no Kihei: Space Griffon
Aoi Namida
Aoi Sora no Neosphere: Nanoca Flanka Hatsumei Koubouki 2
Aoi Umi no Tristia Portable: Nanoca Flanka Hatsumei Koubouki
Aoi Umi no Tristia: 10th Anniversary Memorial Pack
Aoi Umi no Tristia: Nanoca Flanka Hatsumei Koubouki
Aoi no Mamade...
Aoishiro
Aoki Densetsu Shoot!
Aoki Kakumeki no Valkyria
Aoki Ookami to Shiroki Mejika: Genchou Hishi
Apache: Air Assault
Apathy: Narugami Gakuen Toshi Densetsu Tantei Kyoku
Ape Escape
Ape Escape 2
Ape Escape 3
Ape Escape Academy
Ape Escape Academy 2
Ape Escape: Million Monkeys
Ape Escape: On the Loose
Ape Escape: Pumped & Primed
Ape Quest
Apex
Apocalypse
Apocalypse: Desire Next
Apocripha/0
Apollo 11 VR Experience
Apollo Justice: Ace Attorney
Appare! Gateball
Appare! Shogi Jiisan
Apple Town Monogatari
Appleseed
Appleseed EX
Aqua Aqua
Aqua GT
Aqua Kids
Aqua Kitty: Milk Mine Defender DX
Aqua Panic!
Aqua Paradise: Boku no Suizokukan
Aqua Teen Hunger Force Zombie Ninja Pro-Am
Aqua World: Umibi Monogatari
AquaLife
AquaNox: The Angel's Tears
AquaPazza: AquaPlus Dream Match
AquaZone
AquaZone Option Disk Series 1: Angel Fish
AquaZone Option Disk Series 2: Black Molly
AquaZone Option Disk Series 3: Blue Emperor
AquaZone Option Disk Series 4: Clown Loach
AquaZone Option Disk Series 5: False Rummy-Nose
AquaZone: Desktop Life
AquaZone: Life Simulator
Aquaman: Battle for Atlantis
Aquanaut no Kyuujitsu 2
Aquanaut no Kyuujitsu: Memories of Summer 1996
Aquanaut's Holiday
Aquanaut's Holiday: Kakusareta Kiroku
Aquarian Age: Tokyo Wars
Aquarium by DS
Ar nosurge Plus: Ode to an Unborn Star
Ar nosurge: Ode to an Unborn Star
Ar tonelico II: Melody of Metafalica
Ar tonelico Qoga: Knell of Ar Ciel
Ar tonelico: Melody of Elemia
Arabian Nights
Arabians Doubt
Arabians Lost
Arabians Lost & Doubt Twin Pack
Aragami
Araiguma Rascal: Raccoon Rascal
Arashi no Yoruni
Arasuji de Kitaeru Sokumimi no Susume DS
Arasuji de Oboeru Sokudoku no Susume DS
Arc Arena
Arc Rise Fantasia
Arc the Lad
Arc the Lad Collection
Arc the Lad II
Arc the Lad III
Arc the Lad: End of Darkness
Arc the Lad: Twilight of the Spirits
Arcade 3D
Arcade Archives: Darius
Arcade Classic No. 1: Asteroids / Missile Command
Arcade Classic No. 2: Centipede / Millipede
Arcade Classic No. 3: Galaga / Galaxian
Arcade Classic No. 4: Defender / Joust
Arcade Classic Shuu
Arcade Classics
Arcade Classics: Super Breakout / Battlezone
Arcade Classics: Volume One
Arcade Hits: Moon Cresta
Arcade Hits: Raiden
Arcade Hits: Soukyuugurentai
Arcade Party Pak
Arcade Shooter: Ilvelo
Arcade Shooting Gallery
Arcade Smash Hits
Arcade USA
Arcade Zone
Arcana
Arcana Famiglia 2
Arcana Famiglia: Festa Regalo
Arcana Famiglia: La storia della Aracana Famiglia
Arcana Famiglia: La storia della Aracana Famiglia - Ancora
Arcana Famiglia: Vascello Phantasma no Majutsushi
Arcana Heart
Arcana Heart 3
Arcana Heart 3: LOVEMAX!!!!!
Arcana Strikes
Arcania: Gothic 4
Arcania: The Complete Tale
Arch Rivals
Arch Rivals: A Basket Brawl!
Archer MacLean's Super Dropzone
Archer Maclean's 3D Pool
Archer Maclean's Mercury
Archon
Arcobaleno!
Arcobaleno! Portable
Arctic
Arctic Tale
Arctic Thunder
Arcus 1-2-3
Arcus Odyssey
Ardy Lightfoot
Are You Alice?
Are You Smarter Than A 5th Grader?
Are You Smarter Than a 5th Grader: Make the Grade
Are You Smarter Than a 5th Grader? Back to School
Are You Smarter Than a 5th Grader? Make the Grade
Are You Smarter than a 5th Grader?
Are You Smarter than a 5th Grader? Game Time
Are! Mo Kore? Mo Momotarou
Area 51
Arena Football
Arena Football: Road to Glory
Arena: Maze of Death
Aretha
Aretha II
Aretha II: Ariel no Fushigi na Tabi
Aretha III
Aretha the Super Famicom
Argos no Juujiken
Argos no Senshi
Argus
Aria: The Natural ~Tooi Yume no Mirage~
Aria: The Origination ~Aoi Hoshi no El Cielo~
Ark of Time
Arkana Senki Ludo
Arkanoid
Arkanoid DS
Arkanoid II
Arkanoid Returns
Arkanoid: Doh It Again
Arkista's Ring
Arle no Bouken: Mahou no Jewel
ArmaGallant: Decks of Destiny
Armada
Armada F/X Racers
Armadillo
Armana no Kiseki
Armed Fighter
Armed and Dangerous
Armen Noir
Armen Noir Portable
Armin Van Buuren: In The Mix
Armor Ambush
Armor Battle
Armor..Attack
Armored Core
Armored Core 2
Armored Core 2: Another Age
Armored Core 3
Armored Core 3 Portable
Armored Core 4
Armored Core V
Armored Core: For Answer
Armored Core: Formula Front
Armored Core: Formula Front - Extreme Battle
Armored Core: Last Raven
Armored Core: Last Raven Portable
Armored Core: Master of Arena
Armored Core: Nexus
Armored Core: Nine Breaker
Armored Core: Project Phantasma
Armored Core: Silent Line Portable
Armored Core: Verdict Day
Armored Encounter! / Sub Chase!
Armorines: Project S.W.A.R.M.
Arms
Arms' Heart
Army Corps of Hell
Army Men
Army Men 2
Army Men 3D
Army Men Advance
Army Men Gold: Collector's Edition
Army Men World War: Final Front
Army Men World War: Team Assault
Army Men: Air Attack
Army Men: Air Attack 2
Army Men: Air Combat
Army Men: Air Combat - The Elite Missions
Army Men: Green Rogue
Army Men: Major Malfunction
Army Men: Operation Green
Army Men: RTS
Army Men: Sarge's Heroes
Army Men: Sarge's Heroes 2
Army Men: Sarge's War
Army Men: Soldiers of Misfortune
Army Men: Turf Wars
Army Men: World War
Army Men: World War - Land, Sea, Air
Army Rescue
Army of Two
Army of Two: The 40th Day
Army of Two: The Devil's Cartel
Arnold Palmer Tournament Golf
Around The World in 50 Games
Around the World in 80 Days
Arrow Flash
Arslan Senki
Arslan: The Warriors of Legend
Art Academy
Art Academy: Home Studio
Art Academy: Lessons for Everyone
Art Alive
Art Camion Geijutsuden
Art Camion Sugorokuden
Art Master
Art of Fighting
Art of Fighting 2
Art of Fighting 3: The Path of the Warrior
Art of Fighting Anthology
Artelius
Arthur and the Invisibles
Arthur and the Revenge of Maltazard
Arthur to Astaroth no Nazo-Makai-Mura: Incredible Toons
Arthur! Ready to Race
Arthur's Absolutely Fun Day!
Artillery Duel
Artist Tool
Arubarea no Otome ~Uruwashi no Seishikitachi~
Arx Fatalis
Asahi Shinbun Rensai Katou Hifumi Kudan Shogi Shingiryuu
Asaki, Yumemishi
Asameshimae Nyanko
Ashen
Ashes Cricket 2009
Ashita no Joe
Ashita no Joe 2: The Anime Super Remix
Ashita no Joe Touchi: Typing Namida Hashi
Ashita no Joe: Masseki ni Moe Agare!
Ashita no Joe: Masshiro ni Moe Tsukiro!
Asmik-Kun Land
Asmik-kun World 2
Asoberu Eigo: Word Magic DS
Asobi ni Iku yo! Chikyuu Pinchi no Konyaku Sengen
Ason de Chinou Up
Ason de Wakaru - The Party Casino
Asonde Aiueo
Asonde Igo ga Sara ni Tsuyokunaru: Ginsei Igo DS Chuukyuuhen
Asonde Igo ga Tsuyoku naru!! Ginsei Igo DS
Asonde Kazu Suuji
Asonde Shogi ga Kyoukunaru! Kane Hoshi Shogi DX
Asonde Shogi ga Tsuyoku naru!! Ginsei Shogi DS
Asphalt 3D
Asphalt: Injection
Asphalt: Urban GT
Asphalt: Urban GT 2
Aspic: Mahebiou no Noroi
Assassin's Creed
Assassin's Creed Anthology
Assassin's Creed Chronicles
Assassin's Creed Double Pack
Assassin's Creed II
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Assault
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Assault: Retribution
Assetto Corsa
Astal
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Asterix Brain Trainer
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Astroblast
Astrology
Astrology DS: The Stars In Your Hands
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Asuka 120% Excellent: Burning Fest. Excellent
Asuka 120% Final: Burning Fest. Final
Asuka 120% Limited: Burning Fest. Limited
Asuka 120% Maxima: Burning Fest. Maxima
Asuka 120% Special: Burning Fest Special
Asuncia: Matsue no Jubaku
Asura's Wrath
Atama de Do! Kotenko Kotenko
Atama ga Yoku Naru - The Me no Training
Atama no Kaiten no Training: Rubik's Cube & Chou Yuumei Puzzle Tachi
Atama o Kitaete Asobu Taisen Yajirushi Puzzle: Puppyinu Vector One
Atari Anniversary Advance
Atari Anniversary Edition
Atari Anniversary Edition Redux
Atari Anthology
Atari Classics Evolved
Atari Flashback Classics: Volume 1
Atari Flashback Classics: Volume 2
Atari Greatest Hits Volume 1
Atari Greatest Hits Volume 2
Atari Karts
Atari Masterpieces Vol. I
Atari Masterpieces Vol. II
Atari Video Cube
Atelier Annie: Alchemists of Sera Island
Atelier Ayesha Plus: The Alchemist of Dusk
Atelier Ayesha: The Alchemist of Dusk
Atelier Escha & Logy Plus: Alchemists of the Dusk Sky
Atelier Escha & Logy: Alchemists of the Dusk Sky
Atelier Firis: The Alchemist and the Mysterious Journey
Atelier Iris 2: The Azoth of Destiny
Atelier Iris 3: Grand Phantasm
Atelier Iris: Eternal Mana
Atelier Lydie & Suelle: The Alchemists and the Mysterious Paintings
Atelier Marie + Elie
Atelier Meruru Plus: The Apprentice of Arland
Atelier Meruru: The Apprentice of Arland
Atelier Rorona Plus: The Alchemist of Arland
Atelier Rorona: The Alchemist of Arland
Atelier Shallie Plus: Alchemists of the Dusk Sea
Atelier Shallie: Alchemists of the Dusk Sea
Atelier Sophie: The Alchemist of the Mysterious Book
Atelier Totori Plus: The Adventurer of Arland
Atelier Totori: The Adventurer of Arland
Athena
Athena no Kateiban: Family Game
Athena ~Awakening from the ordinary life~
Athens 2004
Athletic World
Atlantic Quest
Atlantis
Atlantis III: The New World
Atlantis no Nazo
Atlantis: The Lost Continent
Atlantis: The Lost Tales
Atom Smasher
Atomic Betty
Atomic Punk
Atomic Robo-Kid
Atomic Robo-Kid Special
Atomic Runner
Atrevete a Sonar
Atsumare! GuruGuru Onsen
Atsumare! GuruGuru Onsen BB
Atsumare! Power Pro Kun no DS Koushien
Attack Animal Gakuen
Attack of the Killer Demos
Attack of the Killer Tomatoes
Attack of the Movies 3D
Attack of the Mutant Penguins
Attack of the Saucerman!
Attack of the Timelord!
Attack on Titan
Attack on Titan: Humanity in Chains
AubirdForce
AubirdForce After
Audio Hero
Aura Battler Dunbine
Aurora Quest: Otaku no Seiza in Another World
Austin Mini Racing
Austin Powers Pinball
Austin Powers: Oh, Behave!
Austin Powers: Welcome to my Underground Lair!
Australian Rugby League
Auto Crusher Palladium
Auto Destruct
Auto Modellista
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Autobahn Raser IV
Autobahn Raser: Das Spiel zum Film
Automobili Lamborghini
Avalon Code
Avatar - The Last Airbender: Into the Inferno
Avatar: The Last Airbender
Avatar: The Last Airbender - The Burning Earth
Aven Colony
Avenger
Avenging Spirit
Away: Shuffle Dungeon
Awesome Golf
Awesome Possum
Awesomenauts Assemble!
Ax Battler: A Legend of Golden Axe
Axelay
Axiom Verge
Ayaka Shibito
Ayaka Shibito Portable
Ayakashi Gohan: Oomori!
Ayakashi Ninden Kunoichiban
Ayakashi Ninden Kunoichiban Plus
Ayakashi no Shiro
Ayakashibito
Ayakashibito Portable
Ayrton Senna Kart Duel
Ayrton Senna Kart Duel 2
Ayrton Senna Kart Duel Special
Ayrton Senna Personal Talk: Message for the Future
Ramtidings, dear friends! It is I, your dutiful lord and master, the eternal GM. My sabbatical proved most fruitful, having figured out some depth mechanics for 3 dimensional combat in my pet project, Blood & Thunder, a maritime piracy RPG that has been both a joy and a nerve-wracking nightmare to create. If you want to see what's going on with that, you can swing by patreon.com/BlackFlagPrintingPress to take a look or support my endeavors. But I digress, because I did not come here today to talk about Blood & Thunder, no. I came here with something else in mind, good friends, for while I have been writing my bread and butter, you have gone without your beard and butter, and this is unacceptable! And so, I have trawled the depths of my memory to bring you yet another TAAAAAALE FROM THE TABLETOP, lovingly subtitled A Prologue Into Poverty.
Life is not an easy thing. There was a time when life was very difficult for me. I had far less than most, and I went without frequently, my entire life loaded into a backpack of bare necessities. Joys were few and times were hard, but I made the best of it. I traveled the countryside, mostly alone, making friends where I could amongst the other forgotten souls who haunt the streets of the United States. I met a good number of people, many of them listless drifters in their own right, who became fast friends. We would hang out for a time, but like all drifters, we would eventually part ways, called to different places to do different things. I had just come from North Carolina. I had been in Asheville, playing bluegrass to make money with friends who eventually proved dishonest, and so I parted ways with them. While in Asheville, I had met a girl, also on the road like myself, and I developed a massive crush on her. Fortune would have it that our time together was short lived, as she disappeared on a freighter down the train tracks, and I layed curled up in a bush sick as a dog for the next 3 days.
You can't get a ride from a freighter with 8 people without getting pulled off by johnny law. Our group had fractured, and myself and one other soul continued on our own, until we parted ways in Atlanta. Now, on my own, clueless and green, I wandered aimlessly, until a friend of mine at the time reached out to me by way of the internet. He had work for me, back in California, if I could just make it there. What's 3000 miles? I've got this. I walked out of Atlanta, hitched a series of rides to Arkansas, and then caught a freighter myself, all the way back to the west coast while UP did the driving. I laid on the back of that train for 3 days until I finally ran out of water and decided to get off. I was in Los Angeles. After a bit of panhandling, I got a bus into the central valley, and my friend came and scooped me up. I worked on my friends farm for a bit, building green houses and stacking money until the time came for me to once again depart. During that time, my crush from North Carolina had found me on Facebook. We got to talking.
She told me she had gone back home to Wisconsin and was working in some greasy spoon trying to save up money to afford a bus. She'd been back for awhile now, but wasn't making any headway. Her vices were getting the best of her, and she couldn't seem to get ahead. I told her she needed to knock that shit off and clean up her act. After a long enough time talking, however, things started to get flirty and dirty.
I wanted to see her, and it's actually amazing what a guy will do for love. You're how far away? Piece of cake. Hold my beer. With the work season coming to a close, I took my pay and my leave of my old friend, and he dropped me off in Modesto at the Greyhound. On the way out, he loaded me up with gifts for my travels - a new backpack, socks, a sleeping bag, some snacks for the ride... and naturally, he gave me a gift that I always treasure. He gave me a set of RPG dice. I gave my boy a hug, wished him well in his endeavors, and promised I'd be back in the fall to help him with the harvest and gathering firewood. So I went on my merry way.
I absolutely despise Greyhounds. Have you ever been on one? It's miserable. There's no room to stretch out unless you sit in the back, right by the toilet. Some asshole is always blaring garbage mumble rap on his phone all day long. It doesn't matter who you are - at the end of the trip you exude the pungent aroma of a neckbeard. This didn't bother me too much - personal hygiene suffers when you have no way to bathe regularly, so I was used to being dirty, and my friends from the road were usually very dirty people in their own right at the time, so I could handle a certain degree of grossness... within limits. I did shower at my friend's farm before I boarded that bus, though, and was feeling rather spiffy - clean body, clean clothes. Life was good and I was on my way to see my woman.
I did my best to zone out. I tried to sleep as much as I could and ignore the general atmosphere of the bus, but that was no longer an option after a layover in Las Vegas. We boarded the bus once more after an almost 24 hour delay on our schedules, and finally got moving again. I sat in the back near the toilet, as I was no stranger to this game and wanted that bench seat, and foul smells at the time didn't bother me much... or so I thought. With the bus filling up and the seats reducing to slim pickings, it dawned on me that my coveted back seat bench was going to get shared. Then, I saw him... the Busbeard.
I'm usually a pretty nice person, but I did not want my coveted backseat benchseat getting taken up, let alone by this massive lardass that now lumbered towards me. I did everything in my power to seem as big and hostile as I could. This was all in vain, however, as some people cannot read social cues. I stared at him, dripping hostility, mentally repeating sit somewhere else like it was a Zen mantra. However, nobody wanted him to sit by them either, and so, he made his way, closer and closer, as he asked people if seats were taken until he got to me at the back. He shifted to sit into the seat, angling his ass in the general direction of my face. The smell of soggy feces-laden underwear wafted up as he slid his bulk onto the bench.
Did I mention that personal hygiene suffers on a greyhound bus ride, especially when you've been riding for days? I've taken my fair share of Greyhounds, and it's unlikely that this new arrival had been riding for awhile. He was eastbound, like the rest of us, and we were in Las Vegas. His point of origin was... not very far east. I had only been on the bus for approximately a day so far, minus the extended layover time of course, so I was getting a ittle sweaty myself, but this guy smelled as if he not only lived on this bus, but was born in the blue poop goop of the latrine. It was a question worthy of debate as to whether this man had actually employed the use of a speed stick in his life. His patchy jowels jiggled at me as he said, hi.
I responded with a gruff and monotone hello, and then turned my attentions to the window, watching the bus depot workers loading up suitcases beneath. My fate was sealed. This man was to be my travel companion all the way to Denver. I decided then that maybe it would be best to ignore him. I plugged in my phone, booted up an emulator I had downloaded, and started to play some Pokemon to whittle away the hours. It didn't take long, however, before I could feel his olfactory looming become physical looming as he examined the screen upon which I played from over my shoulder.
Busbeard: Pokemon? I fucking love Pokemon! I didn't know you could play it on a phone. How are you doing that?
His heavy respirations were like an infusion of green spearmint and halitosis.
GM: Emulators.
I went back to my game, trying to angle myself away from him in such a way that he couldn't lean over my shoulder and watch me as I trained my team, but I was effectively sandwiched between him and the wall, forced to sit straight as he leaned over and watched me play. I debated then, what I ought to do. Playing Pokemon would make the time fly, but I would be crushed between the window and a sweaty fat man. Not playing Pokemon would save me the physical agony of being squished, but I would be painfully bored for seemingly endless miles, and he may use it as an opportunity to interact further. A decision needed to be made.
I shut the emulator off and put away my phone, turning my attention back out the window as the bus pulled out of the Las Vegas terminal and began down the freeway. It was not long after we had pulled out of the station, however, when that wheezing, rasping voice chirped up again.
Busbeard: So where are you going?
I ignored him, focusing on the casinos towering in the distance of the skyline, pretending as if I hadn't heard the question, or as if it weren't addressed at me. With insistance, he repeated his question at my turned back again, searching for a response within my stony exterior. I mumbled, the Midwest, and he questioningly grunted, and asked me to repeat myself. I guess we're doing this.
GM: I'm going to the Midwest.
Busbeard: Where in the Midwest?
GM: Wisconsin.
Busbeard: I've never been to Wisconsin before, but I know they got really good cheese! Hyuk hyuk... Is that why you're going there?
Judging by his smell, he must have been an excessively avid connosieur of fine Wisconsinite cheese. However, cheese was the last thing on my mind at the time.I was enamored with my lady love.
GM: I'm going to see an old friend.
Busbeard: Oh, that's cool... who is it?
The odds of this man knowing the person who I was on my way to visit were astronomically low. Your odds of getting struck by lightning, winning the lottery, and becoming president in the same day were probably higher than this cretin knowing the one specific person whom I was going to go visit in some backwater Wisconsin town. Still, I humored him, and in the same flat voice, answered his question, and told him I was on my way to see my sweetheart.
This caught Busbeard's attention. For a grown man in his mid 30s, he let out a loud "oooooooo" like a middle schooler would when he finds out his friend has a crush. I contemplated execution methods and the subjective severity of their barbarism as he excitedly asked me where she was from.
GM: Wisconsin.
Busbeard: Yeah... but, where in Wiconsin?
GM: Fuck off, dude. I'm not going to tell you the town where she lives.
Busbeard: Heh! I'd be terrified of telling a superior male like me where my girlfriend lives, too. A little kid like you wouldn't stand a chance next to a man like me. Her panties would hit the floor from one whiff of my pheromones. It happens all the time, bro, I swear. I could have any woman on this bus. They just can't resist me. They can sense my manhood, I know it.
I shouldn't stir the pot. All common sense tells me that I should just stop myself while I'm ahead, but sometimes... sometimes I just can't help myself. I've always been a pretty reserved and self-contained person for the most part, and I just want to be left alone 90% of the time to do my thing. Apparently, that's a lot to ask, because every now and then, somebody comes and invades my personal space with their protruding belly, bad breath, and self-aggrandizement, and then I find it really hard to resist my inclination to fuck with them. I know, I know, it's wrong of me to do that, but I'm human, damnit, and something good was cooking in the kitchen. What's the harm in dipping a spoon into this self-important concoction of body odor and bravado?
GM: Any woman, huh? Tell ya what, Busbeard, I just got paid, and you seem really confident in the power of your, ahhhhh, pheromones, so... how about a wager.
I laid out the terms of my devil's bargain. With a wager of 100 dollars, I would pick a lady on the bus at the next break. Busbeard would then have to seduce her. He MUST "present" his pheromones to her, naturally. If he recovered her phone number, or anything in excess thereof, like a kiss or a consensual toilet stall consummation, it would suffice to meet my criteria and loose my grasp from the freshly printed Franklin in my wallet. He agreed enthusiastically to my terms, insisting I was going to loose and he was going to get his dick sucked in a Greyhound portajohn "blumpkin style".
We rode along in silence for the next hour or so. The sun was high in the sky when we made our next stop at some gas station in Utah, and everyone filed off the bus to stretch their legs and get their snacks. I wandered around, huffing down my smoke, chatting it up with people and making friends, seeing just who they were, asking them questions - where they were going, who they were going there with. I got to talking with one guy and his girlfriend.
The guy, who we will call Sarge, was built like a brick shithouse and was a former infantry man who served 2 tours of duty in the middle east. He was traveling with his wife, a young and pretty little thing who we will call Alexandra. They were on their way back to the east coast to stay with family. Alexandra's mom was getting old and had asked them to move in to help take care of her. They were on their way out there to steward her aging mother's estate. I remarked that that was awfully kind of them, and sincerely wished them the best on taking care of Alexandra's aging mom. I told them a little bit about myself, as well... that I was effectively living on the road, playing life by ear, and on the way to see a loved one of mine for a bit before the wind blew me somewhere else.
Eventually, the bus driver gave everyone a 5 minute warning before departure, and we all filed on board. I moved back to my seat and waited for Busbeard to arrive. He came back, cradling piles of gas station sandwiches, bags of chips, and a couple of sodas in his massive paws. He sat down beside me with a loud "oof" and offered me a drink, saying that it's the least he could do before he took my money. I took that beverage. It was both cold and delicious.
GM: Well, Busbeard, I've done my rounds, and I've come to a decision.
Busbeard: Who is it? She better be hot. I swear to God, if you make me waste my time on some dried up roastie, I'm gonna be so fucking pissed at you dude.
GM: Why would I do that dude? Naturally, I only want the best for you. No, she's very pretty. You see that girl over there, in the aisle seat? That's the one. Make your move whenever you're ready.
I pointed out Alexandra to him. I already knew this was going to end very poorly. There was no way in Hell that Alexandra would express any interest in this disgusting lardass whatsoever when she had a stable and solid man like Sarge, and Sarge wasn't about to take guff from anyone. Add on to it that Sarge was easily the size of, if not bigger than, the prodigious Busbeard himself. Sarge was also trained to kill and hardened by years of combat in the graveyard of empires. I can fight - I've fought a lot - and I would not want to square up against him under any circumstances. Busbeard was going to get the snot beat out of him and pay me 100 dollars for that privilege.
The bus took off and I listened to the disgusting sounds of Busbeard inhaling the equivalent of 5 pounds of gas station food. I was only halfway through my soda, when Busbeard emitted a satisfied belch that rumbled the seats, and the feeding frenzy had ended in an effervesence of curdling bile and preservatives just as fast as it had begun. He then started to pump himself up for the task at hand. He started to sweat with excitement and latent cardiac arrest as he prepared his pheromonal aura about himself, and then with a gruff, alright, let's do this, he stood up from his seat and waddled down the aisle, his greasy belly bumping into everybody who had chosen an aisle seat.
He approached Alexandra. They were near the front end of the bus, and so I couldn't hear a word that they were saying. I watched Busbeard as he extended an arm and held on to the overhead luggage rack, exposing the damp miasma of corn-syrup infused armpit sweat to his unsuspecting victim. His pheromones were beginning to work their magic over the unsuspecting Alexandra who would soon be enraptured by its juicy spell. I waited, leaning forward intently, when a loud shout broke the silence.
Sarge: BACK THE FUCK UP.
Alexandra started to shout, too, yelling "get the fuck away from me!"
The driver turned back and yelled for everyone to sit down and shut the hell up or he would pull the bus over.
Sarge: Please do! I'm gonna beat this fucking lardass into the pavement! Saying shit like that to my wife? Who the fuck do you think you are?
The bus driver repeated his warning, and Busbeard began to shout his protests, insisting upon his innocence.
Busbeard: B-but, I was put up to it! It was that guy, in the back seat! He said---
He pointed back at me. I yelled back, I don't fucking know that guy.
The bus driver meant his threat, and pulled the bus over. We were on a long and empty stretch on the I-15 somewhere in rural Utah. The last town I had seen was about 20 miles back. It was late spring, and it was getting hot outside that afternoon. The bus driver got out of his seat, walked up to Busbeard, and told him to get the Hell off of his bus. Busbeard kept protesting, when Sarge moved past his wife, and started forcing Busbeard towards the front door.
I've heard the threat of getting kicked off maybe a thousand times on a Greyhound, but I had never seen it play out before. Busbeard was thrown off the bus. Sarge did not join him outside and pummel him into the asphalt, regrettably, as I would have loved to have watched it. Busbeard kept pleading with the bus driver as the driver shut the door on him, sealing him out on the shoulder of a lonely stretch of highway. I breathed a sigh of relief, and stretched out my legs. It was another 15 miles before we saw signs of civilization. A part of me felt bad for Busbeard, but the other part of me said, "if I can walk 20 miles in a day with 60 lbs of shit on my back, he can do an unencumbered 15 and be fine."
The ride continued on in sweet, reclined silence for me until we reached Denver, werein there was another changeover, and this bus was much, much more desolate. The rest of the Greyhound voyage passed without incident, and I spent my time flirting with my lady love and training some Pokemons. At long last, I finally arrived in Wisconsin. She came to pick me up at the bus station, and when we approached each other, we made out like long lost lovers for a good 5 minutes before we finally caught our breath enough to say hello. I got in her car, and spent maybe a week or so with her, before it was time to take my leave. I couldn't live there forever, and so, as fast as I had drifted into her life, once again, it was time for me to disappear. We said goodbye, and she dropped me off at a lonely interstate overpass on the edge of town. I put my thumb out to catch a ride to Anywhere But Here USA.
I planned my next move, and I figured that there were some friends of hers and mine that lived not too far away in the Dakotas, and maybe I would pay them a visit next. I was in the neighborhood, and figured that I might as well say hello. I reached out to them online, and then made my way west again. They were excited for me to come see them. It was only a day into the voyage when I received a message from Janet. It said, "wait for me, I'm catching up." She had packed her backpack again, and was coming after me, hot on my tail. I told her we could meet up at our mutual friend's house.
I dialed ahead to our friends, who we shall call Sarah and Queenie. Sarah used to travel together with Janet for many months before she stabilized, and then settled down. Queenie was one of my friends from North Carolina. He was a loveable chucklefuck of a drifter, missing a few teeth, wore a skirt, and spoke in the most haggard voice you could imagine. Still... he insisted on being called Queenie. He had settled down with Sarah after they hooked up, and they were living at Sarah's house. He was on thin ice there, however, and she was threatening to kick him out.
I arrived at Sarah's and Queenie's, and spent the next few days waiting for Janet to come up on my heels. During that time, Queenie and I played a lot of Magic (he had just gotten into it), and I remembered the dice that my friend in California had given me that were laying unusued in my backpack. I asked him if he had ever played tabletop RPG's before, to which he answered no. I told him that, maybe next time I see him and I'm in a better spot, we could run a game. Eventually Janet caught up, and we prepared to leave Sarah's for good towards our own new horizons. Queenie, however, had finally broken through the thin ice upon which he skated, and was getting thrown out. On the day of our departure, we asked him if he wanted to join us in our travels so he wouldn't have to go it alone.
Thus we began from Sarah's house out into the unknown once again, a cheerful trio, and true to my word, I began to teach not only Queenie, but Janet as well, the joys of tabletop RPGs.
As I'm sure you can surmise, dear friends, that this is not the end of our story, but only the beginning of another chapter. Is Busbeard still alive? What does the future hold for Ramtide's love life? How do a gaggle of vagabond drifters play tabetop games without a table? Some of these questions will be answered, my dear friends, in our next installment of TAAAAAALES FROM THE TABLETOP.
A shoutout to my lovely patrons, Tatoferret and Sillibits. You guys are wonderful. Thank you for believing in the dream.
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